The Story of Us
by Sponge Bath Hot Pants
Summary: A young Romano finds love but the real question is can it work? Please just give it a chance!
1. The beginning

****Ok, this is my first attempt at posting anything I have ever written so be gentle.****  
  
The Story of Us  
  
By: Sponge Bath Hot Pants  
  
PG13 (for foul language)  
  
Summary: This is a story about Romano when he was a young resident in New York and meets up with the love of his life. No, it isn't Lizzie (don't hate me). I know most people hate stories about fictional characters, but give it a shot and I will be your best friend!  
  
New York City, 1990  
  
The freezing wind whipped through her hair as she ran to her car, looking at her watch again. She was running late, she was always running late and that meant that she would have to drive into the city instead of taking the train. She hated driving in the city so it just helped add to her foul mood. Traffic was heavy and she sighed as she sat bumper to bumper on the bridge.  
  
"Great way to start off your first day." She said out loud to herself. It seemed to be a miracle that it only took her half an hour to make it into the city but finding somewhere to park was another story.  
  
"Excuse me." She yelled to the guard at the entrance to the hospitals parking garage.  
  
He looked at her with an annoyed snarl.  
  
"I am a forth year med student and I am supposed to be in orientation.." She looked at her watch. "right now but I haven't gotten my parking permit yet."  
  
His expression hadn't changed.  
  
"And that would be my problem because..?"  
  
She sighed. "Is there anyway you could make an exception and let me park here?"  
  
He walked towards her car.  
  
"What is it worth to you?" He asked with raised eyebrows. She shook her head and sighed again.  
  
"I don't know, what is it worth to me?"  
  
He smiled. "Twenty bucks."  
  
She glared at him and handed him the money and he finally smiled at her.  
  
"Have a nice day." He said and opened the gate.  
  
She sped through the garage looking for a space and spied one at the end of the next row so she stepped harder on the gas and had to slam on her brakes as another car was heading right for her and the spot with the same intentions. The two cars sat facing each other, both drivers getting more pissed by the minute. The other driver got out of his car and walked up to her window and knocked on the glass. She glared and rolled down the window.  
  
"Can I help you?" she asked without even trying to hide the annoyance in her voice. He raised his eyebrows at her and leaned down so he was facing her.  
  
"Yes, you can move this piece of shit so I can park here." She laughed.  
  
"Um yeah, I don't think so." He looked at her with wide eyes.  
  
"You don't think so?" She nodded and he laughed. "Well that was your first mistake. Lady, move this car or I will move it for you."  
  
She stood her ground. "No."  
  
He stepped back and she gunned the gas and pulled into the space. She walked past him and smiled at him as he glared daggers into her. He walked back to his car and sat there for a second and smiled. He got out after he had parked his car right behind hers. Granted it was childish and he was blocking part of the driveway but he would teach her a lesson. He even contemplated taking the train home tonight just so she wouldn't be able to get her car out at all. As he reached the elevator he shook his head. She stood there waiting for it to come and glared when she saw him approaching. Neither said a word as they rode down and exited the elevator. She figured he was following her because he was going where she was and she was getting more pissed by the minute. She decided to ignore him and gave him a dirty look as she walked through the ER doors and he walked past her. The clerk came up to the desk and she got directions on where she was supposed to go for the orientation that he pointed out had already started. She ran down the hall and tried to open the door as quietly as possible. She snuck in and sat down in the back of the room.  
  
"Excuse me." Ed Chapman said and she smiled at him. "You, the woman who just came in." She stood up. "Please miss, come up here." She took a deep breath and walked up in front of the whole room. "I really hope that you have a good reason for being late this morning."  
  
She bit her lip and looked at him. "I don't. I'm sorry. Traffic was really bad."  
  
He looked at her and grinned. "Well, you are in luck then because I was just handing out the resident assignments and you get to be the lucky one."  
  
She looked at him with a worried grin. "Great." She said and he laughed. He handed her the paper and she walked back to her seat. The guy next to her leaned over.  
  
"Who'd ya get?" he whispered. She looked at the paper.  
  
"Someone named Romano." He laughed. "What is so funny?" She whispered back.  
  
"He is a legendry asshole." He said with a laugh.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Wonderful."  
  
He laughed again. "By the way I'm Jason Hubert." He said and stuck out his hand.  
  
"Lexie Carter." She whispered back and shook his hand. They were interrupted by a voice clearing.  
  
"Excuse me. I don't know if you noticed but we are trying to conduct an orientation. But if we are interrupting the dating game we could talk quieter."  
  
They both stared at Dr. Chapman.  
  
"You, next to the late girl, what is your name?" He cleared his throat and said his name quietly. "Well then Mr. Hubert, since you and Miss. Carter seem to be close friends I will go ahead and assign you to Dr. Romano also."  
  
Jason rolled his eyes and Lexie tried not to laugh. They exchanged glances though out the rest of the lecture and then they were excused to go find their resident.  
  
They walked up to the admit desk and stood waiting on the girl on the phone. She finally hung up and Lexie cleared her throat.  
  
"We are looking for Dr. Romano." She said and the girl raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Why?" She asked.  
  
"We are his 4th year med students."  
  
She made a sympathetic face. "Whom did you piss off?"  
  
Lexie and Jason looked at each other with fear in their eyes. The girl got up and took them back to an exam room in the back. They could hear him yelling from the hall.  
  
"Now explain something to me if you can. How many people did you have to sleep with to graduate from nursing school?" The admit clerk pushed the door open as the nurse came running out crying.  
  
"Dr. Romano." The clerk said and he turned around and Lexie almost passed out. It was the same asshole from the parking garage. He saw her also and glared at her.  
  
"What?" He bellowed.  
  
"These are your med students." He grinned at them and laughed.  
  
"Wow, how much does your day suck?" he asked Lexie and she sighed. He looked at them both as the clerk left. Jason walked over to him and stuck out his hand.  
  
"Dr. Romano, I am Jason Hubert."  
  
Robert looked at him and shook his head. "Well great. Good to know you. Hey, can we start hanging out and become fast friends for life?"  
  
Jason looked down and Robert looked at Lexie who glared back.  
  
"And you would be."  
  
She swallowed the lump in her throat.  
  
"Barbara Carter, but I prefer Lexie."  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her. "And I prefer you to be on time. From now on be here on time or don't come. And I swear to God himself if I hear any excuses I will push you down and kick you until you are dead. Are we clear?"  
  
She glared harder.  
  
"Yes." She hissed.  
  
"Do you want a tour?" He asked and she nodded. "Fine, have one of the nurses show you around on your own time. What do you know how to do?"  
  
They both looked at him with blank stares.  
  
"Wonderful. I take your lack of response as my answer." They both still just stared at him. He shook his head and walked past them. They stood there and he turned around and crossed his arms. "Excuse me children, I know you are probably both used to having your ass's wiped by someone else but you are in my world now." They both stared wide-eyed at him.  
  
"That was my warm and fuzzy way of telling you both to move you ass's now!"  
  
He turned and walked out the door and Jason and Lexie looked at each other and shook their heads. Romano stuck his head back in the door. "You do both speak English right?" He said and walked out again and they followed him out. And so began their love hate relationship. 


	2. Getting to know you

Twelve hours later she and Jason emerged from the ER, both were exhausted and down trodden. He walked her to her car and she stood staring at it. Romano's car was wedged up against hers so closely that their bumpers were touching.  
  
"Son of a bitch." She said out loud. Jason looked at her and grinned.  
  
"Whose car is that?"  
  
She looked at him and shook her head. "Romano."  
  
He looked at her confused. "How did know which car was yours?"  
  
She shook her head again. "Long story."  
  
They stood there in an uncomfortable silence.  
  
"You know what Jason, I am gonna be fine. Go ahead and go."  
  
He nodded. "You sure?" He asked and she nodded back.  
  
She walked over to Robert's car and resisted the urge to kick in a headlight or key the car. Instead she walked over and sat down on the hood and lit a cigarette. He would have to come out sooner or later. Robert walked out of the hospital and headed for the parking garage. Today had been hell. He hated new med students. They were cocky and clueless and the only joy he got out of it was breaking their spirit. He could read them both like a book. He would have Jason in tears before the week was out. Lexie on the other hand was another story. He felt himself drawn to her and thought that it was to bad that she was his med student because under any other circumstance he would have gotten her into bed but as it stood he would just have to stop himself from killing her. He got off of the elevator and grinned as he saw her sitting on his car. He should have known she wouldn't have just given in and taken the subway.  
  
"Get off of my car." He yelled across the garage.  
  
She looked at him and threw out her cigarette.  
  
"Move it and I will." She yelled back.  
  
He walked over and crossed his arms.  
  
"Carter, get off of my car."  
  
She slid off and stood facing him. "Now move it," she said standing her ground. He walked over to the door, opened it and got in. She walked over to her car and waited for him to move. He started the engine and sat there. She glared at him and he grinned and sped off. This had been a day from hell. He was evil. No evil didn't describe it. She couldn't believe that she had to spend the next year with him. She knew his kind. Cocky and arrogant, with no other joy in his life but making people feel like shit. She was sure he would like nothing more than to make her quit but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. No matter how hard he was on her she wouldn't let him win. Something was nagging at her though. To her amazement she found a small part of herself attracted to him. Maybe the cockiness and arrogant side of him was appealing to her need to rebel. She shook the thought out of her head. She would rather quit and work at the hospital gift shop before she ever acted on those feelings. She drove home in silence and fell into bed in her clothes.  
  
She woke to her phone ringing and she rubbed her eyes as she picked it up.  
  
"Barbara?" John said and she smiled at the phone.  
  
"Hey sibling. What's up?" She said and yawned.  
  
"How did it go?" He asked and she laughed.  
  
"Not well. I hate my chief resident."  
  
John laughed.  
  
"That sucks. But how was everything else? And remember that I am impressionable and looking for a major." She laughed.  
  
"You still want to be a surgeon?" She said trying to stifle a yawn. He sighed into the phone.  
  
"I don't know." She smiled.  
  
"John would it be alright if I called you tomorrow? I am beat." They said their goodbyes and she hung up, falling asleep before her head hit the pillow.  
  
She made sure that she took the early train the next morning and got to the hospital early. He walked in late and walked past her without acknowledging her but stopped a few feet past her and turned around.  
  
"Are you waiting for an invitation?" He asked and she sighed and followed him into the lounge. Jason was already waiting for them and Robert opened his locker and put on his lab coat.  
  
"Ok children. Let's try not to kill anyone today." He said and walked out the door; sticking his head back in. "I had hoped that by now you would have figured out that when I walk you follow. Next time, I assign you both to the bum sickle baths." He said and they followed him out.  
  
This is how it went. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. They clashed on a daily basis usually more than once but even though she wouldn't admit it she was learning a lot. His gruff personality was something she could do without but it helped her to push away any feelings that might be brewing between them. Of course the rumors had stared almost immediately but Lexie didn't care. She just hoped that he would never hear them; all she needed was him to think that she was attracted to him. He would make her life even more of a living hell then. Jason was starting to get his confidence with the patience. It had taken him a while to finally be able to trust his own diagnosis and present it to Romano without running it by Lexie first. Lexie and Jason were sitting in the lounge going over the notes from the lecture they had attended when Robert pushed open the door.  
  
"Hanzel, Grettel, you ready for your first trauma?" They looked at each other and jumped up and ran after him. The EMTs were wheeling the patient in and yelling out vitals.  
  
"42 year old male, car-v- tree, tree won." Lexie and Jason followed them into the trauma room with Robert trailing behind them.  
  
"Hubert, run the trauma. Carter, stand back and watch." Lexie opened her mouth and glared at him and he grinned at her. Robert walked over and he and Jason started yelling out orders to the trauma team. Lexie could see that Jason was shaking and starting to look a little pale.  
  
"Hubert? So help me God if you pass out." Robert yelled and Jason just stared at him.  
  
"Damn it, ok, Hubert step back, Carter step in." Lexie stood next to Jason and took the ultrasound wand out of his hand. They exchanged glances and he turned and walked out of the room.  
  
"How necessary was that?" She said under her breath. Robert looked at her and she looked back.  
  
"Excuse me Miss. Carter?" He said and looked back at the procedure he was doing.  
  
"I said, how necessary was that? He was really trying and you made him feel like shit. Ten blade please." She said and Robert shook his head.  
  
"More suction and push another amp of epi." He said to the nurse. "Carter, he is a big boy and if he can't handle the heat he should stay out of the kitchen." Lexie looked at him and he look back at her.  
  
"Vaseline gauze please. I know, but he is still learning and it doesn't help to make him feel like shit." Robert slammed the scalpel down on the tray and everyone but Lexie jumped.  
  
"Carter," She looked up at him. "Shut up." She glared back and sighed.  
  
"Whatever." She mumbled and they proceeded with the trauma.  
  
"Carter, look at this." She looked but the rib spreader was in the way.  
  
"I can't see anything." She said and he looked up at her.  
  
"Well come over here then." She walked around the table and stood next to him.  
  
"You see the perforation in the small intestine?" He asked and she nodded. "Take your finger and plug the hole to stop the bleeding while I clamp off the artery." She slowly put her hand into the man's body and tried to do what he had asked. He looked at her as she hesitated and grabbed her hand to show her what to do. In the few months they had worked together they had never dared touch each other, not even bump into each other, so as his hand touched hers both felt the invisible spark that shot through them. Their eyes locked and both knew the other had felt it although everyone else in the room was clueless. It took her a second to gain her composure and slow down her breathing and she could tell he was going through the same thing. The both pulled themselves together and stabilized the patient. As they wheeled him to surgery Lexie pulled off her gown and gloves and started to leave the room.  
  
"Lexie," He said and she stopped and turned around. "Well done." He said quietly. She was in shock.  
  
"Thank you." She said in almost a whisper and turned and walked out of the room.  
  
She decided she had better find Jason because she could only imagine what he was going through. After asking around she found him on the roof. He was standing at the edge looking out.  
  
"If you are going to jump, aim for Romano's car." She said and walked over to him. He smiled at her and looked out again. "You ok?" She asked and he nodded.  
  
"I can't believe I froze. My first real trauma and I lost it." Lexie touched his shoulder.  
  
"Hey, it happens. And Romano was wrong to yell at you like that." Jason looked at her and grinned.  
  
"How did it go?" She smiled.  
  
"It went well." They both grinned at each other. "I kicked ass." She said and they laughed. "Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to you. He is just a miserable little man who gets off on making people feel like crap." Jason smiled at her and looked into her eyes. She felt the panic start to rise as he started to lean in to kiss her and as his mouth was about to touch hers they heard someone clear their throat. They both jumped apart and looked at Robert standing with arms folded and looking annoyed.  
  
"Hubert, I think it would be wise if you spent a little more time working on growing some balls and a little less time trying to get laid." Lexie's mouth dropped open and Jason looked down. "They are expecting you in the lab. I figured you might need a refresher in the human anatomy but I see that you were taking care of that yourself." Jason looked at him. "They are waiting." He said not moving to leave. Jason looked at Lexie and smiled at her.  
  
"I will see you later." He said and she smiled at him. He walked past Robert and left. Lexie started to leave also and he stopped her.  
  
"Miss. Carter, a word of advice. The last thing you need right now is to get involved with someone who is going to drag you down."  
  
Lexie glared at him. "Excuse me?"  
  
He crossed his arms again and looked at her. "You would hate to loose the respect of your peers for a quickie in the elevator wouldn't you?" She walked over to him and stood right in his face.  
  
"Dr. Romano, I appreciate your concern for my well being but if I want your opinion I will be sure to ask for it. What I do in my personal life is none of your business. If I want to sleep with someone I will do it and as long as it isn't on your time than you have nothing to say about it. And if your life is so sad that the only joy you get is intimidating people into fearing you than you have failed with me. Because you don't scare me. So fail me if you want if not than back off." She said and walked past him.  
  
"Lexie!" He yelled and she turned around expecting him to tell her to go home but instead she turned to find him grinning at her. "Point taken." He simply said and she turned and walked away. 


	3. Jail time

Neither Lexie, Jason nor Robert ever mentioned any of the events of that afternoon. They went on with their daily routine of Robert and Lexie having their daily battles and Jason just trying to keep up.  
  
As they approached the sixth month of their prison sentence Robert started to give Lexie more responsibilities and that didn't go unnoticed by anyone. The rumors were running wild and Lexie just had laugh every time a new one came out. Robert had heard them all but never let on that he had any idea. That was something he never wanted to deal with and he figured she only had a short time left and then she would match somewhere else and he could go back to normal. He hated the thought that she had any kind of emotional hold on him. Of course she would never know it, his emotions were something that he didn't have time for. But it was getting harder and harder to ignore them and that pissed him off. He had let his guard down only once and it wouldn't happen again. He had needed her help with a procedure and found her asleep in the lounge and as he went to wake her something inside of him took over. He wanted nothing more than to know what her skin felt like. How the soft feel of the long curls of her hair would feel in his hand. He touched her shoulder softly and she sighed in her sleep and his emotions took over as he dared to run his hand down her back. She made a sound that sounded more like a moan this time and he felt the blood rush from his heart to his groin. His powerful hands rubbed her back as he leaned down, his mind screaming at him to stop but his lust was telling him to go for it. Her eyes fluttered open and his eyes met hers and he stood and left. He would never let that happen again.  
  
If anything he had started being harder on her since then and she had noticed even though she had no idea what had happened. All she knew was that she had had a very vivid dream. He had started avoiding her also and she had no clue what his problem was. She was thinking about what could have happened as he walked up to the admit desk and slammed a chart down in front of her, making her jump.  
  
"Carter, what did I tell you about the jumper in 2?" She looked at him and shook her head.  
  
"I know you wanted me to send him up to psych but I think there is something else wrong with him. I wanted to do a spinal tap for Meningitis."  
  
He glared at her. "As a medical student, thinking isn't a luxury you have earned yet. When you are told to do something I expect you to do it. Is that clear?" He was screaming at her and everyone had stopped what they were doing to watch. She glared at him and nodded. He slammed out of the admit area and she shook her head and called psych.  
  
She and Jason were sitting in the ambulance bay smoking and she was ranting and raving about how much she wanted to do something to him to humiliate him as badly as he had her.  
  
Romano stuck his head out of the doors. "Hey, I don't suppose I can interrupt your gab session and maybe interest you in doing your fucking job before I fail you both." He yelled and Jason stood up and grabbed Lexie's hand to help her up. That was when Lexie saw it, for an instant she saw Robert flinch. Granted no one else caught it but she had. He walked out the doors and walked over to them with his hands on his hips. He had seen her reaction and realized that she had seen his.  
  
"Hubert, dispo the head lac in 3." He said looking at Lexie. Jason walked inside and Lexie and Robert's eyes met, both looking suspiciously at the other. Lexie grinned slightly and walked past him. He turned to stop her and caught his foot on a piece of ice and hit the ground with a thud. Lexie turned and her mouth shot open. She walked over to him and kneeled down.  
  
"Are you ok?" She asked quietly. He nodded and she tried to help him up but he winced as he tried to stand on his right leg. "Ok hang on." She said and grabbed a wheelchair. She wheeled him into an exam room and closed the blinds. "Let me get an X-ray of your knee." He nodded. He would have normally have tried to play the tough guy but he was in too much pain. She did the X-rays and sent them off to be developed. "I am going to give you something for the pain." He nodded but said nothing. The pain medicine hit him right away and he fell asleep. She stood looking at him and grinned. She had figured out how she would get her revenge.  
  
She grabbed the Derma-bond and turned off the lights. She could not wait to see how embarrassed he would be when he woke up with his hand super glued to the most sensitive part of his body. She giggled quietly as she gently applied the glue to his hand and undid his pants. She looked down and blushed. For some reason she had never expected him to be that well endowed. She felt her body starting to be aware of it also. She was finding it very hard to breath and the room was getting hot. She was getting flushed and realized she needed to finish what she was doing and get out of there. She leaned down and wrapped his hand around himself and laughed to herself as tried to stand up. Her hair had gotten glued to his hand somehow. She closed her eyes. This was going to end so badly. She started to panic and as she looked down the panic increased as he was developing an erection. She tried to pull her hair out again as the door opened and Dr. Chapman walked in and turned on the light.  
  
"Lexie? What in God's name are you doing?" He asked and walked over to her. She explained everything to him and he had to hide a laugh. "Ok, let's see what we can do to fix this." He said and she looked at him gratefully. They had gotten her unstuck and him unstuck and all of the glue off of him. They couldn't get it out of her hair but she didn't care.  
  
"Dr. Chapman." She said and he smiled at her. She couldn't help herself; she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." She said and he laughed and stepped back.  
  
"Don't worry my dear. I was a med student once too." He let her go home and she stopped off at her hairdresser on the way home.  
  
She walked into the ER the next day and Romano looked at her funny. Her heart sped up, waiting for him to start yelling about the glue but he crossed his arms and nodded. "I like it." He said and her eyes widened.  
  
"Huh?" she said and he pointed at her hair.  
  
"You cut your hair. I like it." She touched her hair.  
  
"Oh, um yeah. Thanks." She said and ran into the lounge. 


	4. The prison sentence

After a few weeks she figured that Dr. Chapman wasn't going to say anything and she relaxed back into her routine. The ER was slammed. There had been a five-car pile up on the bridge and most of the injured had been sent to them. They had all worked their ass's off trying to save those who could be saved. The hardest for her to treat had been a 2-year-old little girl that had never had a chance. Robert pronounced her and slammed out of the trauma room. Lexie was surprised at his expression of anger. He always seemed so in control and she felt herself being drawn deeper to him. But she pushed it away as the next victim was wheeled in. As the day passed the ER started to calm down and she stopped outside of the trauma room and looked in at Robert. He was cleaning up the blood on the little girl's face. She quietly pushed open the door and stepped inside. She stood watching him and he gently washed her face and hands.  
  
"I didn't want her mother to have to see her like this." He said quietly. She nodded and walked over to the table.  
  
"Can I help?" She simply asked and he looked up at her and nodded. Lexie looked at him and felt something inside of her that she couldn't explain. He met her gaze and the tension was almost stifling. She thought for a minute that he was going to kiss her and a part of her started to panic. But as he broke their gaze and looked down again she realized that another part of her was disappointed. She felt tears threatening to spill and she turned and walked out of the room. She was so confused. What had just happened to her? She hated him. She couldn't imagine hating anyone else more. But she knew that was a lie. She walked into the lounge and sat down on the old brown sofa. She had to get a handle on this. She took a few deep breaths and got up. She just needed to keep her head together for a few more weeks than she would graduate and match at another hospital and she would never have to think about him again.  
  
She threw herself into her last month of medical school. She had blamed the moment of weakness on sleep deprivation and the high emotions of the day and tried to keep it out of her mind. Match day came and she prayed that she had gotten Mercy in Chicago so she could be closer to her grandparents and her brother. She and Jason grabbed their letters and handed them to each other. She opened his and raised her eyebrows. He did the same with hers.  
  
"Don't tell me." She said and he nodded.  
  
"I take it we will be working together then." He said and they grabbed their own letters and she shook her head. She had matched here, at this hospital, in the ER. "I don't know if I can take any more Romano." He said and she laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean." She knew he thought she meant something else but she knew this was going to be trouble. Robert walked up to the admit desk and looked at them.  
  
"I don't see any smiles, what did you guys get County or something?" They looked at him and shook their heads. "Well where did you get?" He asked amused.  
  
"Here." She said and looked at him and he laughed.  
  
"Oh man, that sucks." He said and walked into the lounge. He sat down at the desk and stared off into space. A part of him was glad she was staying but another part was not happy at all. The last thing he needed was something that would break his focus. He didn't have time for any distractions. He shook his head and started reviewing his charts.  
  
Lexie was dreading graduation. Not so much the ceremony but the gala event her parents had planned for her afterwards. She didn't want any part of it. Not to mention John had finals and wouldn't be able to fly up. The day before they graduated all of the med students were excitedly tying up loose ends and Robert walked into the lounge to escape the noise and found Lexie starring out the window.  
  
"Let me guess, you're upset because your yearbook is all full and you just still have so many people that you want to sign it." She shook her head but didn't turn around. He walked over to her and crossed his arms and sighed. He didn't have any clue why he hadn't just walked out the door and now he would have to hear her boohooing about whatever the problem she was having.  
  
"I was just thinking about my brother. I wish he was going to be there tomorrow." Robert nodded his head.  
  
"Well can't you just fly down there after your gala party?" She smiled and shook her head.  
  
"No, I was thinking about my older brother Bobby. He died from Leukemia almost ten years ago." Robert stared at her profile.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know." He said quietly. She nodded and he felt something start to nag at him. It was the overwhelming feeling to hold her in is arms and never let go. To do what ever it would take to take the pain away from her that he saw so deeply in her. She turned and faced him as a single tear fell down her cheek. He softly reached up and wiped it off with his thumb and she closed her eyes as he touched her face. She opened her eyes when she felt the warmth of his touch leave her face. They locked eyes and neither moved. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him but she knew she couldn't do it. They were going to have to work together for the next few years and it would just make it hard. He was thinking the same and they were both glad that the door swung open and they could look away from each other. Jason ran in and stopped. He had a feeling he had just interrupted something.  
  
"Lex, you ready to go?" he asked and she nodded. She looked at Robert and he looked back, allowing them both one last second in the emotion they brought out in each other. She turned and started out and Jason put his hand on the small of her back to guide her out. Robert clenched his jaw and then closed his eyes.  
  
"You can't let this happen to yourself Robert." He thought and took a deep breath.  
  
Graduation had been a blur of boring speeches and guest speakers. Before Lexie knew it she was sitting in her custom made silk dress getting drunk as everyone around her were having the times of their lives. She had always hated these things. She hated spectacle and all of the rules that came along with it. If she had her way she would be at her apartment in her sweat pants eating ice cream.  
  
"You know," She jumped as a quiet voice whispered into her ear. "You may have the diploma but you are not a real doctor until you have done one last thing." She smiled at the familiar voice.  
  
"Oh really?" She said quietly, still not turning around.  
  
"Yes, so I suggest that you come with me quickly before anyone finds out and they take back the brownstone your parents gave you." She laughed and turned and faced him.  
  
"Well by all means, I don't want to be homeless." He took her hand and led her out of the ballroom and held her coat out for her and as he helped her with it he allowed himself to let his hands linger for just a second longer on her skin. She smiled at him and took his arm. "Ok, I am all yours, but I must warn you, I am not going bum tipping." He laughed and hailed a cab. They ended up back at the hospital and she looked at him with an amused smile as he snuck them in the back way and led her up the stairs to the roof. There she found a blanket and several bottles of booze. She looked at him and laughed. "And what in the hell is all of this?" He laughed at her expression.  
  
"Come on." He said and dragged her over to the blanket. They sat down and he opened the bottle. "Now, isn't this better than that stuffy party?" He said and took a big drink right from the bottle. She laughed as he handed it to her and she did the same. It was strange for both of them to be sitting there alone. But it was even stranger that it felt right to be there with him. They spent the night talking about everything. He told her about the hell he went through when he was a med student and they could finally laugh at some of the things that had happened in the past year. He told her of his desire to leave emergency medicine and go into surgery and she told him about John's desire to be a surgeon. Both were very comfortable sitting there laughing and joking with each other. Her coat was starting to not be enough to keep her from shivering and he helped her up and opened the blanket and wrapped it around her. She saw that he was cold also and opened the blanket for him. He stopped and debated it. He was just drunk enough that he was afraid he would let his guard down but he figured that for one night he was going to enjoy himself, regardless of the consequences. They actually snuggled up together to keep warm and continued talking until the sun started to come up.  
  
"I never thought I would say it but I actually had fun tonight." She said and smiled at him and he smiled back.  
  
"It was a good night." He said.  
  
She laid her head on his shoulder as the sun rose and he felt the panic rising with it. This was different than any of his conquests. There was something that this woman did to him that made him want to protect her and love her forever and that was one feeling that was dangerous to him. That would make him vulnerable to someone and he swore he would never allow that to happen. He looked at her and she had her head comfortably on his shoulder but her face told another story. This felt right. For the first time in her life she could actually imagine being with another person forever. Images flashed through her mind of a possible future. Marriage, children, waking up next to him and it was all so real that she felt like an uninvited guest in someone else's life. She felt the fear coming on. This was something she couldn't let herself get sucked into. She sat up and he stood and helped her up. They quietly snuck down the stairs and out the back door. He hailed a cab and opened the door for her. Their eyes met and for an instant they saw each other's thoughts. She broke the stare and got into the cab and he shut the door and the cab pulled away. 


	5. I can call you Robert?

She spent the summer moving into her new house and he spent it working his ass off. Although they thought about each other neither tried to get in touch with the other one. Both had justified their actions and had decided to just pretend that nothing had happened. Lexie couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach as she walked back into the ER. Everything looked the same but she was a different person than she had been when she had first walked in here. She smiled and walked into the lounge and saw her locker waiting for her. 'Dr. Carter' it said and she ran her fingers over the letters and smiled.  
  
"It is a locker Lexie, not the Hope diamond." She grinned to herself and turned around. She cocked her head to one side and looked at him.  
  
"What?" He asked as she smiled.  
  
"I get to call you Robert now don't I?" He rolled his eyes and laughed.  
  
"If that is what gets you off be my guest." She grinned at him triumphantly.  
  
"Thank you Robert." She said and laughed. He shook his head.  
  
"Ok, Dr. Carter, I am going to cry if we don't dispense with the pleasantries. So can we please get to work now?" He said started to walk out the door as she opened her locker and saw her lab coat. She took it off the hanger and put it on. "It looks good on you." He said and walked out the door.  
  
It didn't take her long to get into the swing of things. She and Robert worked well together and so he would call her in frequently to assist on a trauma, which only added fuel to the rumors. She was enjoying her work and her superiors noticed and complimented her on it. Both she and Robert had finally gotten their feeling under control and it made things so much easier. Before she knew it Christmas was approaching and she got her invitation to the annual Christmas ball that the department held each year. She had no intentions of going and let it slip out of her mind. A few days before the party Lexie was reviewing some charts in the lounge when Dr. Chapman walked in.  
  
"Lexie, you have a minute?" She nodded and he sat down. "I noticed that you hadn't sent in your RSVP for the party." She smiled.  
  
"Yeah, I am not going to be able to make it." He shook his head.  
  
"Bad idea. I have always found it best for an up and coming superstar doctor to attend these functions. There are people that will be there that you wouldn't usually get the chance to meet. Take my advice, make the time." He winked and got up and left.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Great." She said as Robert walked in the room.  
  
"I always thought it would be nice to have people yell out kind words as I entered a room." He said and grabbed a cup and poured coffee into it. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "What bug flew up your ass?" He asked and sat down.  
  
"This stupid Christmas party. Chapman just came in and basically told me to go to the party." Robert nodded.  
  
"Yep, the one night a year I dread." She raised her eyebrows.  
  
"You are going?" He nodded. "Are you taking anyone?" She asked and he smirked at her.  
  
"No, I plan on keeping my options open." She rolled her eyes again. She sat back and thought about it. If she went with him than she could use his nasty attitude as an excuse to leave early.  
  
"Yeah Lexie, keep telling yourself that is why you want to go with him." She thought to herself. "Hey Robert." He looked up from the newspaper in front of him. "You want to go with me to the party?" He creased his brow and looked at her. The idea was dangerous. He had finally gotten everything under control and this could take him back to square one.  
  
"I don't think that would be a good idea. I am still your supervisor and it would just end up being a pain in the ass to deal with later." Her mouth shot open.  
  
"Well how do you really feel about it?" She got up and glared at him. "Never mind." She said and walked out of the lounge. She ended up calling an old friend that she hadn't talked to in a few years but she remembered he was very good looking and that would work out well for her plan. She searched every boutique in Manhattan and found the perfect dress.  
  
She felt herself becoming nervous as Colin took her arm and led her into the ballroom. They stopped at the top of the stairs and looked out at the ballroom below. She told herself that she was just taking in the whole scene but she knew better. She was looking for him. Her eyes locked with his and she smiled a faint grin to herself. She watched his face as she took Colin's arm again and let him lead her down the staircase.  
  
Robert stood at the bar and he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Her long curls that were usually held up by a clip or a rubber band were softly cascading down her back. He couldn't remember ever seeing her wearing makeup and it brought out the green in her eyes and the pout in her lips. He felt his heart rate speeding up and then as she descended the staircase he saw the dress. The black silk hugged her body perfectly and he let his eyes wonder from the open toed high heals up the slit in the side of the dress that ran all the way up her leg to her lower thigh. The material hugged every curve of her small waist and the v-neck dipped slightly into her ample cleavage. The small straps that held the dress up only added to the creaminess of her skin and he had to remind himself to breath. He had always known she was beautiful but tonight she was breathtaking and he found his resolve disappearing. He met them as they stepped off of the last step.  
  
"Dr. Carter." He said and she turned to face him.  
  
"Dr. Romano." Colin nudged her. "Oh sorry, Colin Elliott, this is Robert Romano." And that was all she said as the men shook hands. She hoped she was coming off as unaffected by him but she had never seen him look more handsome. His tux had to have been custom made and everything about him looked perfect. She looked at Robert and he smiled at her. "Well if you will excuse us." She said and led Colin away. She felt like such a child. She had spent so much time making herself look perfect just so she could have had that moment. She felt bad for Colin because she spent most of the night wondering what Robert was doing. She had no idea that he was at the bar getting drunk. He knew it was a bad idea. He was risking making a fool out of himself in front of his superiors but he needed something to help take the nagging away from him. He stole a glance in her direction and saw her laughing at something Colin had said and he clutched the glass tighter. He was having an internal debate. Part of him wanted nothing more than to walk over and ask her to dance. To feel how her body felt pressed up against him, to be enveloped by the smell of her perfume, to look into her eyes and feel the feelings that she always brought out in him. But he knew that it wouldn't be that easy. Everyone would be watching their every move and come Monday morning the rumors would be running wild again.  
  
"Fuck it." He said out loud and set his glass down walking over to where she had just stood up. "Dr. Carter, I was wondering if you would give me the honor of a dance." He said and held out his hand. Her knees went weak and her heart sped up. Oh how badly she wanted to say yes. To feel his arms wrapped around her body, to feel the way her adrenaline always kicked in when he touched her, to feel his breath on her skin as their bodies moved together to the music. But she couldn't. Her pride wouldn't let it happen so she glared at him and took Colin's hand and led him to the dance floor. She closed her eyes as Colin wrapped his arms around her but it didn't feel right. It was the wrong person holding her and she dared glance his way as he watched them on the dance floor and then turned and walked up the stairs and left.  
  
He found himself at a bar down the street. He sat quietly brooding as he ordered another drink.  
  
"Hello there." A voice said and he looked at the woman who had sat down next to him. He wasn't in the mood to talk. "You look like you have had a bad night." She said and he nodded. "My name is Donna." She said and held out her hand. He turned to her and shook her hand.  
  
"Robert." He said and looked at her. She was looking at him like she wanted nothing more than to get down on her knees and blow him right there in the bar. He sat and thought about it again. Why shouldn't he take her home? Lexie wasn't the only one that could enjoy herself. He looked back at the blonde sitting next to him. He knew that he would end up taking her home with him and he also knew that she wasn't who he would be thinking of when they had sex. 


	6. The hardest goodbye

Lexie and Robert avoided each other as best as they could. Everyone around them sensed the tension and that only fanned the rumors. They were both very professional with each other and that was it. She had heard rumor that he had started seeing someone and tried to pretend that it didn't bug her. He had never heard anything about the man she had been with at the party so he took it a sign that she was probably sleeping with him. The winter passed and soon spring had arrived and everyone seemed to have a renewed spirit, everyone but Lexie and Robert. He was grumpier than he had ever been and she would snap at people easily.  
  
She was in one of her moods as she pushed the door open and walked into see her patient. He was claiming that voices were yelling at him constantly. Psych was backed up as usual so she decided to walk up there and get someone to come get him. She walked back in with an orderly and she looked around for him but he was gone. They looked everywhere and as she checked out the ambulance bay she heard people screaming and then the most horrid sounding thud. She turned around just as her patient's body hit the ground, splashing blood on her. The commotion around her was like a blur and she felt herself falling apart. Between trying to hide from Robert, dealing with long days and now this she was loosing it. She turned around and walked out of the ambulance bay and hailed a cab.  
  
She ended up at a bar across town that she had frequented in college. She pounded one drink after another and her outlook seemed to improve. Robert was starting to become frantic. He had searched everywhere for her. Ed Chapman was beside himself with worry and Robert had promised him he would find her. Ed had actually thanked him and Robert had found it ironic. He stopped at a bar that he knew a lot of the med students hung out in and as he scanned the bar his eyes locked onto her familiar face and he walked over to her, pushing the men that were talking to her out of his way.  
  
She glared at him and laughed. "What are you doing here?" She said and he tried to take her hand and she pulled it back.  
  
"Lexie, let me take you home." He said calmly even though he wanted to yell at her for making him care what happened to her.  
  
"Oh go to hell Robert." She slurred.  
  
"Lexie this isn't debatable. I am taking you home." He said and she laughed.  
  
"Well gee I find that funny." She said and laughed.  
  
"Why is that funny?" He asked, as he was getting more and more pissed.  
  
"I just always imagined I would feel more passion towards you when you finally said that to me." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"I am not going to say it again Lex, lets go." She took another drink from her glass.  
  
"And I am not going to say this again. Go to hell." He took a deep breath and nodded.  
  
"Alright." He said and walked over to her and threw her over his shoulder. She screamed and kicked as she tried to make him put her down but he walked through the pissed off men and walked out the door of the bar.  
  
He held her on his shoulder as he hailed a cab and only put her down as he pushed her inside and went around to get in the other side. She was quiet the entire ride to her house and as they pulled up he paid the driver and helped her out of the cab. They were silent as they climbed the stairs and she handed him the keys to unlock the door. She lay down on the sofa and he went to get some aspirin and he touched her shoulder as he walked back and knelt down next to her. Her eyes were closed and he took advantage of that to look at her. He smiled to himself at how emotional she made him. She and his mother were the only people to ever have that effect on him. Her eyes fluttered open and met his. His hand went to her face and his thumb softly caressed her cheek, his eyes never leaving hers. Everything in him told him to let go of his fears and kiss her but he knew she was drunk and that wouldn't be right. He grabbed a blanket and covered her up and got up and walked out the front door.  
  
She woke up with a hangover and no memory of how she got home. She was glad that she had woken up alone but she was confused as to how she had gotten her here and who had wrapped her up in her blanket. She looked at the clock and decided to call in sick to work. She had the next few days off and then she would move to nights. That would be enough time for her headache to go away she thought.  
  
She walked into the ER a week later and got report on the patience from the doctor that was on days and he left. One of the nurses walked over to her.  
  
"Welcome back Dr. Carter." She said and grinned at her. Lexie stared at her.  
  
"What are you grinning at?'" Lexie asked. Kelly shook her head.  
  
"Nothing." Lexie was confused and starting to get pissed.  
  
"Spill it." She said and Kelly cleared her throat.  
  
"I just find it convenient that the same week a certain doctor goes to Chicago for a job interview another doctor calls in sick."  
  
Lexie looked at her. "What am I missing?"  
  
Kelly smirked. "Oh ok. You want to play it that way. While you were gone Dr. Romano went to Chicago to interview at Mercy." Lexie was shocked.  
  
He was leaving?  
  
"Did he get it?" Kelly grinned at her.  
  
"As if you don't know." Lexie shook her head. "Yeah, he leaves next week." Kelly laughed and walked away leaving Lexie wonder why he was leaving.  
  
He avoided her for most of the week and then she cornered him on his last day there.  
  
"Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye?" She asked as he was empting his locker. He turned and looked at her and then turned back to his locker.  
  
"You know me Lexie. I was never one for pleasantries." She nodded and walked over and sat on the sofa.  
  
"So Chicago huh?" She said and he nodded and closed his locker. He walked over and set the box on the table and looked down at the floor trying to find the right words. He looked up and smiled.  
  
"Good luck." He said quietly. She grinned at him.  
  
"Thanks, you too." She said and they looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity but not long enough at the same time. He turned and picked up the box and walked out the door and out of her life. 


	7. The End?

New York City, NYU 1995  
  
Lexie looked at the flier in her hand trying to figure out the building she was looking for. She spotted it across the lawn and ran to the door and slid in as quietly as possible. The orientation was almost over and she tried to hide in the back. As the speaker excused everyone she heard an all to familiar voice behind her.  
  
"You just don't have any luck being on time for orientations do you?" She grinned and turned to face him.  
  
"Are you following me?" She said with a smile and he laughed. They stared at each other, taking in the sight they had both thought of so many times over the years. "You are apart of this?" She said amazed. He laughed.  
  
"Don't sound so surprised." She shook her head.  
  
"Sorry, I just didn't know that you had moved back here." He shook his head.  
  
"I haven't. I am still in Chicago, I just fly up here once a month for this."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "Impressive. You actually have a heart in there?"  
  
He smiled. "Yeah, but don't tell anyone."  
  
She laughed. They turned as they heard someone call his name across the room.  
  
"Excuse me." He said and left her standing there alone.  
  
It took her a while to get used to the places they went to. They would go to homeless shelter and half way houses and give medical treatment to the men and women that lived there. But the smells and the sounds made it hard to feel the joy of helping her fellow man. The men leered at her and the women were convinced that she wanted their men. Robert always seemed to be close by her. Truth be told he did that on purpose. He knew these people could get crazy at the drop of a hat and he worried about her safety. She was having a bad day. A man had tried to touch her boob and his wife had spit at her for it. She was sitting on the front porch of the halfway house smoking a cigarette when he found her.  
  
"Come on." He said and walked off the porch. He stopped a few feet away. "Lexie, what was the first thing I ever taught you?" He said and she grinned at him.  
  
"That as men loose their hair they get bitchy?" She said and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"No, when I walk you follow." He said and grinned at her. She laughed and caught up with him.  
  
"Where are we going?" She said as they walked along the busy street. "I think you could use some cheering up." She raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
"Really? And what do you have in mind?" She asked suggestively. He shook his head and stopped in front of an ice cream store.  
  
"Ice cream." He said and she laughed. "Ice cream always makes everything alright." She laughed and shook her head.  
  
"Lead the way." She said and he opened the door for her. She sat down in a corner booth and he went to the counter and ordered for them. He carried the bowls over and set it down in front of her. "That is a lot of ice cream." She said and stared at the bowl.  
  
They ate in a comfortable silence. Every once in a while one would kick the other under the table and both would grin at each other like idiots. Both felt childish but neither cared. They had missed each other and although neither dared say it, the other knew. They finished their ice cream and walked back to the half way house. As they walked in the door they sensed something was wrong and went upstairs to see what had happened. They walked into the first room and Lexie felt herself being slammed onto the floor with Robert falling right next to her. The man who had tried to grab her before was standing in the room with a gun. Robert slid closer to Lexie as the man was ranting and raving about another person who lived there. He started to wave the gun around and shout at the top of his lungs. Lexie felt herself start to shake from fear but at the same time she felt Robert's arm wrap around her protectively. The man left the room and they heard a lot of yelling down the hall and then someone yelled back. The exchange went on for what seemed like forever and finally the man sat down in the hall outside of the room they were in. No one knew what he would do next but they could hear the house going into lockdown and they both knew that meant they were trapped in there. The day turned into night and nothing had happened. The man would yell something to no one every once and a while but for the most part no one moved. Lexie was so tired and scared. Robert was the only thing that was keeping her together. She had no idea that he was just as scared. He held on to her the entire time. Neither spoke a word the entire night. They sat there waiting to see what would happen next. As the sun came up the man finally screamed out to someone to leave him alone and aimed the gun at himself and pulled the trigger. Lexie jumped and Robert pulled her closer as he slumped to the floor. It was over. He took her home and sat with her until she fell asleep. He was gone when she woke up and she wondered for a minute if it had all really happened.  
  
They stared a routine. Once a month he would fly up, they would go do what they had to do at the shelters then they would go to the ice cream shop, sit in the same booth and talk about what ever seemed to be going on in their lives. They never seemed to talk about anything having to do with their romantic lives. It seemed taboo so they both avoided it. Both seemed perfectly content with the arrangement. Neither knew that the other one waited for that one day a month for the rest of the month. He never knew that she would spend extra time getting ready that one Saturday a month and she never knew all of the things he put off by flying up there. This went on as each season changed and soon a year had passed then two. It was always the same. Never dinner or drinks. Just ice cream then he would hail her a cab and she would leave to wait for the next month and he would watch her go and wish he could someday get the guts up to go with her.  
  
Both sat quietly playing with their food, not daring to look at the other. She finally looked up and cleared her throat.  
  
"So I have some news." She said. He looked up and nodded.  
  
"Um yeah, me too." They locked eyes. Neither had any clue what the other was going to say but both knew that once it was all said everything would change.  
  
"I am quitting the project." She said and he looked shocked.  
  
"Why?" He said and she bit her lip.  
  
"Well, you see, I have been seeing someone for a while and Landon and my father both feel it is the best thing for me to do." He glared at her.  
  
"Is that what you want?" She looked down and nodded and he knew that she was lying. "Well, I guess that is fitting." She looked up at him and he avoided her gaze. "Lexie, Donna and I are getting married." He met her gaze and saw the tears threatening to fall.  
  
"Wow." She said and her hand went to her mouth. The first tear fell and she panicked. She couldn't let him she her cry. She looked at him and got up. "I have to go." She barely whispered and he nodded. Both had just been hit with painful information and needed time to comprehend what it would mean in the end. She waited to cry until she was safely in her house then she sobbed. She lay on the sofa and cried herself to sleep.  
  
She woke to a knocking on her front door. She knew who it was. She got up and opened the door for him and walked back into the living room and turned on a lamp on her desk.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She asked in a sleep filled voice.  
  
"Lexie I came here to tell you that you are making a mistake. Don't let them convince you to quit. I see how much you love it." She sat down and shook her head.  
  
"You are such a hypocrite." She said and he had to look away because he knew she was right. "Why are you getting married Robert? Because you are head over heals in love with her? Bullshit, how come you never mentioned her then?" She yelled. He looked up at her.  
  
"I really don't think you have room to talk. Who is this mystery man who had swept you off of your feet?" Lexie stood up and walked over to the door.  
  
"Go." She said.  
  
He made no move to leave. "All I am saying Lexie is that I don't want you to make a mistake. If this is what you want than great, by all means quit. But do it for yourself not for him."  
  
She bit her lip and stared at him as the silence enveloped the room. "Do you love her?" She asked in a whisper. He looked at her and said nothing. "That is what I thought. Why are you marrying her?" She asked quietly.  
  
He looked up at her and both saw the pain the other was feeling. "You wouldn't understand."  
  
She laughed. "Try me." He sat down and rubbed his hands together.  
  
"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to deny that I have feelings for you? Is that what will make you happy? Well I can't do that."  
  
She stared at him as the nervousness tightened in her stomach as his voice got louder. "Does she make you happy?" She asked not really wanting to know the answer.  
  
"Yes." He simply said and her heart broke.  
  
"Then I wish you luck. Now I would appreciate it if you left." He stood up and walked past her towards the door, his mind racing as he stopped and grabbed her arm with one hand and turned her around to face him as the other hand went to her hair and pulled her mouth to his. It was just skin touching skin but it was like nothing either had ever known. It was every romantic greeting card, romance novel and fantasy rolled into one. They were drowning in the kiss and he pulled back before it would be to late and he would never leave. They were both breathless and stared at each other with a frightened passion neither had ever expected. He had always known that he had loved her, that he wanted her but at this moment he knew with total certainty that he could never have her. God knows that the selfish side of him wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and keep her to himself for eternity but someone with her passion and grace never deserved to be caged, he knew that the world would be a less beautiful place without her out in it for everyone to know that there really were angels on earth. It took everything he had ever had to turn and walk out the door. But he did. She walked to the window and he turned and looked at her once more and smiled. He was happy to just love her anything else would seem too much. He turned and walked down the street as Lexie could do nothing but watch him go. "Good bye Robert." She whispered. 


	8. Always on my mind

"Is this the waste of time you called for a surgical consult on?" Robert asked as he pushed the doors to the trauma room open and pulled on the gloves that Connie handed him.  
  
Carter shook his head and sighed. "Mr. Jenson is showing signs of a possible inter perennial bleed."  
  
Robert raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "He is also showing signs of being a vegetable for the rest of his life. But as Chief of Staff and head of Surgery I have nothing better to do than to try to save a gorked out junkie so by all means lets take a look see." He took the ultrasound wand and ran it over the man's body. "Ok, fine. I will take him up to surgery but you aren't getting a Christmas card from me this year."  
  
Robert pushed the gurney out of the room and threw his gloves away as the orderly took control of the bed. He was so sick and tired of these do gooder liberal pansy ass ER doctors. Back in his ER days they knew when they could save a patient and when they couldn't. Well, most of the doctors knew that. Most never questioned his diagnosis; they trusted his experience enough to except it. Everyone but her. His mind went back to the one place that he always went to when he needed to indulge in the emotions that he had no time for. A place that could always make him close his eyes and get lost in. The way she smelled still sent shivers through him, well the way her hair smelled specifically. It was a sweet gardenia smell. He hadn't known what it was called at the time but in the years since their parting he had run across the smell on a few occasions and finally had to indulge his curiosity one Christmas as he walked through the mall buying a last minute gift. He had smelled the smell as he walked past one of those ridiculous bath stores that everyone is mad for and decided to do something completely out of character and buy a small bottle of the scent. He never wore it or anything as crazy as that, just kept it in his bathroom on a shelf where Donna had kept her disgusting musky smelling perfumes. It somehow made the emotional side of him feel that one day he would walk into the bathroom and she would be there, applying it to her satin skin.  
  
"Dr. Romano?" Shirley asked as he stepped off of the elevator and stood in a fog as the patient was wheeled into the pre-op room.  
  
"What?" He asked in a gruff voice.  
  
"Do you want me to get Dr. Corday to scrub in or do you want to take this?"  
  
Robert glared at her. "Give it to Lizzie, I have more important things to do with my day." He walked towards his office and slammed the door, slouching down on the sofa with a sigh. He had to stop this. He hadn't heard anything from her in almost 6 years and he figured that she was married with kids and a dog by now. He had been tempted to ask Carter about her but he had no idea if he even knew that they knew each other. And it was really none of Carter's business anyway. He stood and walked to his desk. There were a million reports and contracts to go over and that would help him to get his mind off of her for a while anyway, it always did. 


	9. You always hurt the one you love

Lexie pushed her way into the crowded ER room and looked around. She made her way up to the admit desk and set her bag down on the floor next to her. "Excuse me." She said in a quiet voice to the older heavyset man behind the desk.  
  
"Sign in and have a seat in the chairs and someone will be with you as soon as they can." Frank said without looking up from the newspaper he was reading.  
  
"Oh, um, no. I am looking for Dr. Carter." She said in the same hushed tone.  
  
Frank finally looked up and studied the pretty woman in front of him. "May I tell him who is asking for him?" Frank asked nosily.  
  
Lexie smiled at the implication in his voice. "Yes, tell him his sister is here to see him." Frank stood up and nodded to her. He walked down the hall and pushed into the trauma room.  
  
"Carter, you have a visitor." Carter was working on a gunshot wound and didn't bother to look up.  
  
"A patient?" He asked not really caring about the answer. He was far too busy to stop and go see someone e who wanted to jump ahead of the line just because they had been there a million times before.  
  
"Nope, she says she is your sister."  
  
Carter finally looked up. "Barbara?"  
  
Frank shrugged.  
  
"Ok, tell her I will be out as soon as I can." Frank turned and left and found the woman standing in the same place she had been.  
  
"He is in the middle of a case but if you want you can wait in the lounge for him." Lexie nodded and picked up her bag. She walked through the door to the lounge and paused to make sure that no one was asleep before she walked in. She set her bag down and sat down in one of the hard chairs around the small table. She stared out the small window at the foot traffic outside. It was so strange to be back in Chicago. It had been almost six years since she had dared come here and after the last trip she swore she would never be back. But now she had no choice. This was the one place Landon wouldn't look and that was her only saving grace at this point. She adjusted in her chair so that the hard metal bar wasn't pushing into the bruise that ran the length of her back and stifled a small whimper as she sat back again slowly.  
  
"Hey!" Carter said from the door and she turned around and smiled at him.  
  
"Hey sibling." She said quietly and got up to hug him. She closed her eyes and took a quiet breath to stop herself from flinching as his arms squeezed the tender skin on her hips. She hadn't seen the bruise yet but she was sure it was there.  
  
John pulled away and looked at her with a grin and it faded as he caught sight of the swollen cut on her lip and the slight purple that had snuck out from under her huge sunglasses. "Barbi?" He questioned as he pulled the sunglasses off of her face. The tears started to build up as soon as he forced her to make eye contact with him. She flinched slightly as his skilled hands examined the swollen skin that surrounded her eye. "Did he do this to you?" John asked with controlled anger in his voice. He was writhing on the inside and unless she told him of a terrible car accident or another freak accident it was going to take everything he had not to walk out of the hospital and get on the first plane to New York. "Barbara?" He asked again with his tone becoming more warning. She nodded and her gaze went to the floor. "He did this to you?" John asked in a mix of astonishment and rage. She said nothing. "Did he hurt you anywhere else?" He asked not wanting to hear the answer he already knew. She nodded. "Ok, come with me."  
  
He grabbed her hand and pulled her through the door.  
  
"John please don't do this. I will be ok I swear." He wasn't listening to her and pulled her into a private exam room.  
  
"Abby, can you come in here please?" Carter called out the door. "Barbi, you know the drill. Get into the gown and let me check you out. Then we will talk ok. But I need to know that you are ok first." Lexie nodded slowly. She was pretty sure she had a broken rib and as a doctor she knew that you can't mess around with that sort of thing.  
  
Abby helped her into the gown and Lexie closed her eyes and she heard Abby gasp quietly. Abby had seen a lot in her time. A lot seemed to be an understatement, but this was one of the worst she had ever seen. There were more bruises and cuts than fresh skin.  
  
"You are Barbara right?" She said quietly. Lexie nodded.  
  
"Yeah but no one other than John and Gamma call me that. Everyone else calls me Lexie."  
  
Abby nodded. "Ok Lexie. I am going to get you something for the pain then Carter will check you out." Lexie nodded again and sat on the bed. Abby excused herself and walked out to find John. He was on his cell phone in an exam room yelling at someone. Abby waited until he was done then walked in without knocking.  
  
"How is she?" He asked and Abby didn't answer right away. She knew how Carter was and she also knew this was killing him. He and his sister had always had a strange relationship. They weren't close in the typical sense but they had a bond that was stronger than most brothers and sisters she had ever known. Maybe it was having to survive with no one but each other for so many years or maybe the death of their brother Bobby, either way Abby knew that Carter was pissed.  
  
"John, do you want me to get Luka or Susan to handle this. This is too close to home for you." Carter shook his head.  
  
"No, I will handle it."  
  
Abby nodded. "Do you want me to page surgery?"  
  
Carter looked confused. "Why?"  
  
Abby bit her lip. "I think she may need it." Carter covered his face with his hands and resisted the urge to throw up. He nodded without removing his hands. Abby touched his arm and he finally looked at her. She gave him her best a reassuring smile and turned and walked out of the room.  
  
Carter took a few deep breaths and walked back to the exam room. He knocked slightly and her voice told him to come in. Her voice didn't sound the same to him. It sounded like frightened child that had no clue on how to make the pain stop and his heart broke. "How ya doing?" He asked and sat down next to her. She smiled slightly and nodded.  
  
"I will live."  
  
He nodded. "Did they give you anything for the pain?" She nodded.  
  
"What is the problem now?" Carter heard Romano's voice boom in the hallway and he leaped up to beat him into the room.  
  
"Dr. Romano, please wait." Abby begged as Carter walked out into the hall.  
  
"Wait? Why, so I can hear the sob story of some crack whore whose pimp beat her up?" Carter felt the anger rise but knew he had to keep calm.  
  
"Dr. Romano, no offence but I would rather have another surgeon evaluate this case."  
  
Robert raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "I am hurt. Do I detect a lack of faith in my medical skills or are you just feeling the need to piss me off today?"  
  
Carter shook his head. "It is a family member and it is a delicate situation."  
  
Robert felt a knot start in the pit of his stomach. "A family member?" Carter nodded.  
  
"Someone beat up your Grandmother?" Robert asked and felt a pang of guilt for hoping that was the correct answer.  
  
Carter shook his head. "No, my sister Barbara. Her boyfriend beat her up and she is terrified right now."  
  
Robert closed his eyes. "Was it Landon?" He asked quietly and Carter and Abby stared at each other in shock.  
  
"Excuse me?" Carter asked and Robert shook his head as he walked into the room. Lexie looked up at him and tears filled her eyes, tears that mirrored the ones that Robert was fighting back himself.  
  
"Oh my God." She whispered and he walked over to her bedside, their gaze never breaking.  
  
"Lex, what did he do to you?" Robert whispered. Lexie let the tears fall and Robert gently wiped them off of her cheek.  
  
"What are you doing here?" She whispered and he shook his head.  
  
"There will be time for all of that later. Right now I just want to make sure that you are ok." Lexie nodded and Carter and Abby stood in shock in the corner.  
  
"Wha.." Abby tried to ask.  
  
Carter shook his head. "I have no idea." 


	10. A new day

After many hours of tests and scans it was decided that Lexie was bruised and sprained but no major damage was done. No physical damage that is, all of the people involved were effected by it. The thought that some beast that had once claimed love for someone and then could do this was beyond comprehension. Carter had kept his questions to himself and was not going to make anything worse by giving an interrogation although his curiosity was killing him. He had worked with Romano for far more years than he would ever be comfortable admitting to anyone and he had never seen him react that way to anyone. He has shown Lexie nothing but love and compassion through out the entire process and everyone had noticed. His protective presence and demand for only the best for her had made most people question the unconfirmed rumor that Romano had no heart and was actually the devil sent to earth to make people's lives hell. Romano kept his distance but had not been far away from her all day. Every time a staff member would page him or request his help he would tell them to ask someone else because he was busy. It wasn't that Carter liked the fact that he was so interested in his sisters care but a small part of him felt respect for the man who would was obviously just as pissed at the whole situation as he was.  
  
Lexie spent the night in the hospital for observation and Carter found out the next morning that Romano had spent the night in his office just incase she needed him. Carter had tossed and turned when he finally went to bed. He had spent hours fighting the urge to get on a plane. His father had been no help. The prick had actually seemed annoyed that Barbara had left Landon. They had fought and finally Carter couldn't deal with it anymore and had hung up on him. He had called to make sure that she was ok before he finally went to bed. The entire staff knew that if Landon so much as stepped foot in the hospital that Carter was to be call immediately and Romano had given the same instructions. Lexie had begged them not to call the police and both agreed not to for the moment.  
  
Lexie spent the night having nightmares. She could still feel his breath on her skin and it took everything she had not to scream. Every noise in the hospital, every movement in the halls sent her heart into panic and she just wanted the night to end. A part of her felt safer knowing that Robert was in the same city. She had no idea he was just down the hall but regardless it made her feel more secure just knowing he was close. She had missed him terribly. Every time Landon would hit her she would take comfort in the one thing he couldn't destroy, her memories. The thrill that she had always gotten from Robert's presence would help to remind her that she was still alive when she thought for sure her tired body couldn't take anymore of the pain. So many nights she had lay awake convincing herself that she need to find out if he still wanted her, or if he had ever wanted her. But she knew he was married and that there was a good chance he would reject her. And if that happened than her fantasy world would collapse. So she had stayed away and day by day tried to convince herself that they were never meant to be.  
  
Lexie rolled over as a small bit of light shown through the doorway. A dark figure stood quietly watching her and she knew without a doubt whom it was. He walked in and sat down without saying a word. Their eyes locking and his hand gently caressing her cheek. The thrill was still there. After all of the years she still felt the passionate way his touch could make her skin come alive.  
  
He was overwhelmed by the emotions that ran through him. He was disgusted and angry, sad and scared and mostly relieved that she was all right. The part of his heart that had been empty since he had left her all of the years earlier was finally at ease but he took no comfort in the way she was brought back to him.  
  
Her eyes never left his as her brain tried to except that he was really here and this wasn't one of her dreams again. So many nights she had woken up and cried when she realized that he wasn't real. That he was off living his life with his wife and she was there, trapped in a life that she was sure she would never leave.  
  
He took her hand and in the still darkness she felt his lips softly touch the skin of her palm. He stayed at her bedside all night. Never saying a word, never falling asleep. Just standing guard over her sleeping form as he tried to calm the fears that were slowly creeping into his heart again. As the sun came up he slipped out of the room and locked himself in his office and let the tears finally fall.  
  
"John, I can walk." Lexie protested as he wheeled her out to his Jeep.  
  
"Just sit there and enjoy it will you?" She rolled her eyes and let him push her out of the hospital. They were quiet on the ride home and as they pulled up to John's apartment she finally sighed.  
  
"Ok, go ahead and ask. I know you are dying to know what is going on with Romano and I."  
  
John grinned at her. "Romano? Hum, is something going on? I hadn't noticed. I mean you never mention a word about even knowing him and then all of a sudden you two are right out of a Shakespearean play or something."  
  
Lexie laughed and they got out of the jeep and went inside. After the tour of his apartment they settled in on the sofa for what both were sure would be a long talk.  
  
"Do you remember my Chief Resident while I was doing my internship?" Lexie asked with a smile as she took a drag off of her cigarette.  
  
John nodded. "Yeah, you and he had some weird sexual tension thing happening right." Lexie laughed and nodded and John started to put the pieces together and couldn't help but scrunch his face up as if he had eaten a lemon.  
  
"Oh dear God no."  
  
Lexie laughed and nodded at him.  
  
"Romano? Really?" Carter had stared having suspicions that something weird was going on but has chosen to try to ignore it for his own sake.  
  
"I have no idea what to say Barbi. Well, a few words come to mind but due to your delicate state of mind I will forgo you the pleasure of my comments."  
  
Lexie smiled at him. They were quiet for a minute and the John broke the silence. "Do you want to tell me what happened with Landon?"  
  
Lexie looked down at her lap and bit her lip. "Not yet. I just want to take some time and try to figure it all out for myself but I will tell you everything eventually. I promise." John nodded and went to the kitchen.  
  
"I have to work tonight so if you want I can drop you off at Gamma's on my way." Lexie put out her cigarette and shook her head.  
  
"Naw, the last thing I need is her giving me twenty questions. I think I am going to just take a long shower and go to bed." Carter finished making the sandwich he was concocting and went to take a shower. "Please tell me you didn't eat that sandwich in the shower." Lexie quipped as John was getting his stuff together to leave for work.  
  
"No, I ate it while I was shaving." Lexie looked at him horrified and he laughed. "I will see you in the morning." She nodded and he left.  
  
She got up and went to shower. The hot water on her skin felt like heaven and she was amazed when she got out that she had spent a half an hour in there. The answering machine light was flashing and she hit play.  
  
The voice took her breath away. The tone that had caused her so many nights of terror spoke to the machine as if he knew it. "Lexie darling, it is time for you to stop being so dramatic and come home. I am in Chicago with your father and we are here to collect you. So please just pick up the phone." Her mind raced as she looked around the apartment for any signs that he had been there. The phone ringing made her start to cry as she crouched down on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. She pushed herself as far as she could into the corner and she listened to Landon's disgusting voice purr out of the machine. "I am getting annoyed with all of your games and you know how much I hate games. Do everyone a favor and pick up the phone. I know that you are there. I know everything that you are doing." His laugh echoed through the apartment and all Lexie could do was cry. She sat frozen in fear as she waited for his next move. She had no doubt that he would show up there and she didn't know what to do. She ran to the phone and called John's pager number. She sat and waited for him to call back with no response. Her blood froze in her body as she heard a knocking start on the front door. She sank to the ground and her body rocked slowly back and forth as she let the tears of terror fall down her face. Her sobs were getting louder and as he knocked again she could stop herself from screaming at him to leave her alone.  
  
"LEXIE!" She heard Robert's voice call from the other door as he started pounding on it harder. She leaped up and ran to the door, throwing it open and flinging herself into his arms. His arms wrapped around her as his hand went to her hair. "You are shaking." He said as she continued to sob on his shoulder. He took her inside and tried to calm her down. She refused to let go of him as they sat on the sofa and all he could do was hold her. His heart started to slow down as her crying decreased to soft hiccups. "What happened?" He asked and she took a deep breath to stop the crying.  
  
"He is here." She whispered.  
  
Robert's eyes went wide. "Here? In the apartment?"  
  
She couldn't help but give a slight chuckle. "No in Chicago. He has come to get me."  
  
Robert closed his eyes and shook his head. "Where is Carter?" She sniffed and finally looked at him. "He is on overnights all this week." Robert thought for a second and then nodded to himself. "Ok, get your stuff."  
  
Lexie looked at him confused. "Why? Where are we going?" Robert stood up and helped her up also. "You are coming with me to my house. There is no way I am going to let you stay here alone all night."  
  
Lexie shook her head. "No. Really, I am sure it will be ok."  
  
Robert laughed. "Carter, go get your stuff and stop being a pain in the ass before I have to drag you out of here."  
  
Lexie grinned. He was the same old Robert. "But, um, won't Donna mind?" She asked hesitantly.  
  
Robert laughed and shook his head. "I doubt it. Right now I am sure she is sleeping with her divorce lawyer."  
  
Lexie looked at him with raised eyebrows. "You are divorced?"  
  
He nodded and she couldn't help but grin. "I told you she was wrong for you but no, you had to go and marry her anyway."  
  
Robert grinned and rolled his eyes. "Go get your stuff so we can get out of here before he shows up and I kill him." Their eyes locked and the tension was stifling.  
  
"Ok." She simply said and they got her stuff and left. 


	11. The way we were

The drive to his house was quiet. Neither had any idea about what to say first. So many things had been left unsaid that day in New York and both had a million questions about what had happened since their parting but it was not the time. They pulled into the garage and he took her bag from her and led her into the house.  
  
"Robert, this place is beautiful." She said in awe.  
  
He laughed and shook his head. "If your families house wasn't the size of a castle I would believe you but as it stands I am going to just smile and nod." She laughed.  
  
He led her up the stairs and for a second she was worried of where she was expected to sleep. Granted she still felt the passion that had been there but she wasn't ready to jump into anything. Without saying a word he knew her thoughts and led her down the hall to one of the guest rooms. The room was the biggest room in the house other than the master suite and it was impeccably decorated. He led her through it and showed her the private bath that adjoined it.  
  
"Everything you need is in here. Towels, soap I think there is even a bathrobe in here somewhere." He turned to her and found her smiling at him. "What?" He asked and crossed his arms.  
  
She shook her head. "Nothing."  
  
He raised his eyebrows and laughed. "Have I ever told you how weird you can be sometime?"  
  
She couldn't help but laugh at that comment. And he smiled at how beautiful she was when she laughed.  
  
"Do you want something to help you sleep?" She nodded and he left to get the pills. He returned a few minutes later with a glass of water and handed her the tablets. "Ok, well get settled and if you need anything I am just down the hall." He turned and started to shut the door.  
  
"Robert." He stopped and looked at her. "Thank you." She said in barley a whisper and both knew that she wasn't just talking about that night, but volumes of the past. He nodded and shut the door.  
  
She fell asleep almost immediately but he wasn't as fortunate. The thoughts of the events of the past days mixed with the emotions they brought were haunting him. He rolled over and finally looked at the clock, swearing at it when it read three am. The rest of the night past slowly and he finally fell asleep around dawn.  
  
The smell of coffee brewing pulled his tired body down stairs and he couldn't help but grin when he saw he sitting at the small table in the kitchen reading the newspaper.  
  
"I am glad to see that you are making yourself at home." He said as he walked over and poured himself a cup of coffee. She smiled at him and shrugged.  
  
"I didn't think you would mind." She said looking back at the paper with a grin still on her lips. He sat down at the table and grabbed a section she had disregarded. "What time are you going into the hospital?" She asked as she finally set the paper down.  
  
"I'm not. I have about a million hours of vacation time and figured I would use some of it. Plus, I called Carter and told him that you would be spending the rest of the week here with me."  
  
Lexie looked at him wild-eyed. "Really? And what makes you think that I want to do that?"  
  
He grinned a cocky grin at her. "Because you can't resist my charm." She raised her eyebrows at him and he only smirked bigger. "And because Carter is on over nights all week and there is no way that I am letting you stay at that apartment alone."  
  
Lexie nodded. "Well if you sure you don't mind the intrusion."  
  
He shook his head. "Nope, I think I can stand you for a week or so as long as you don't piss me off to badly."  
  
"Don't worry, I will try to stay out of your hair." She said with a smirk and he just sighed and rolled his eyes.  
  
They finished their coffee and Lexie got up and rinsed the mugs out in the sink. He smiled to himself. It was such a normal thing to do but Donna had never done that for him. She had always been completely self centered and would never do anything the maid could do for her. "Ok Dr. Carter, what are you in the mood to do today?" She leaned against the counter and shrugged.  
  
"Not much of anything really. I am still pretty sore. But if you have things to do feel free. I wouldn't want to cramp your style."  
  
He grinned. "You already are. But I will live. Actually I have some paperwork to do here so I guess I will spend the day with my nose to the grindstone." She rolled her eyes and went to get the book she had started on the plane.  
  
Robert spent the morning going over budgets and cursing Weaver. That woman would be the death of him someday. On more than one occasion he had wanted nothing more than to beat her with her cane but for now that was just a pipedream. A quiet knocking brought him out of Weaver smack down daydream and he looked up at Lexie. "Hungry?" She asked and he nodded. He followed her to the patio where the small table he had forgotten he even owned sat adorned with everything they would need for a simple lunch.  
  
"I raided your fridge, I hope you don't mind." She said as she poured them each a glass of wine. He shook his head. He had no idea he even had food in the fridge. The maid must have put it in there. Maria was the lifeblood of the house. She kept it running flawlessly and without her he would most defiantly fall apart. He thought it was funny that he ran one of the busiest trauma hospitals with floor after floor of the best surgeons and specialists and he had no idea if he even possessed a loaf of bread.  
  
They made small talk throughout lunch; both sticking to safe subjects until it was too much and they knew it was time to be honest. "You ready to tell what had been going on in the last six years?" He asked as he finished his second glass of wine.  
  
She took a deep breath and set her glass down. "After I quit the NYU project I left the hospital also. Landon wanted me to come work at the private practice that his company owned. So I did and I was miserable. I missed helping the people that really need help, not the woman who ran in at every little sneeze or the men that would come in to get a quiet shot of penicillin to hide their sexual infidelities. So with my father's help I started a free clinic and I love it so much. I felt like I was doing some good again." She picked up her glass and took another drink, empting it. Robert picked up the bottle and poured another glass for her.  
  
"Thank you." She took a sip and set the glass down again. "Landon hated the clinic and said he only indulged me in my mercy mission to keep me happy. The truth is that he was using the clinic to launder money down to these private accounts that both he and my father had set up. And everything worked for a while, and then I found out about them and threatened to close the clinic. And that was the first time he ever hit me. I tried to leave but I had nowhere to go and he promised that it would never happen again so I stayed."  
  
Robert felt his stomach turn as she talked. If he had stayed in New York he could have saved her. No, he wouldn't let himself think way. It would do no one any good and all he could do now was make sure it would never happen again.  
  
"So about a year ago Landon and my father started this merger. I never really got involved in the details but from what I hear it was going to be huge. And Landon started to change. He became obsessed with this stupid business deal and it scared me. But I was trapped so I resigned myself to the fact that this was my life. Smile pretty for the cameras and hope he never hit me anywhere I couldn't hide it. Then he proposed and I realized that if I married him I would be selling myself to the devil. So I said no and here is the result." She finished her story and Robert was already poring himself another glass of wine.  
  
"Lex, I." He had no idea what to say. He was sure that she didn't want to hear how much he detested that man or the fact that he would one day kill him for what he did. She touched his arm and he looked up at her.  
  
"You don't have to say anything Robert. I didn't come here for pity." He shook his head and their eyes locked.  
  
"I could never pity you Lexie. It's him that I pity." She broke the gaze and looked down.  
  
"So tell me about Donna. What happened?" She was changing the subject and he would let her for now.  
  
"Well she is evil. Does that pretty much cover it?" She laughed slightly and shook her head. "Well we were miserable almost from the start. She was so self centered that she made me look like Mother Teresa. My career was taking off and she loved the money and the honor but not what it took to get there. And she really didn't like the man that got her there either. She started sleeping around as soon as we got back from our honeymoon and I finally had enough about a year ago and that was that. You know me, I have never been one to get all sappy and emotional so of course she thought I was a cold-hearted bastard. But she is happily sleeping with her attorney whom I paid for and is doing so with a very comfortable settlement. I would have paid the amount ten fold to get her out of here. And there you have it." He picked his glass up again and emptied it.  
  
"I'm sorry." Lexie said quietly and Robert laughed. "What? I am." He laughed harder. She rolled her eyes and got up to clear the table. He took hold of her wrist to stop her and she looked at him.  
  
"I'm sorry too." He said in a quiet voice and she nodded softly.  
  
They cleared the table and he went back to work in his study. Lexie sat back down on the sofa and tried to concentrate on her book but his story was nagging at her. She couldn't say she was surprised by it but then again she didn't know Donna. She just couldn't ever imagine anyone else with him. And it had taken years for her to realize that they were never meant to be and now all of that was going up in smoke. This felt too right to her. It was the same feeling she had had the night of her graduation when she knew without a doubt that she would be with him. Not necessarily then but someday. They spent the rest of the day in their separate worlds but with the comfort that the other was not far away. They decided to stay in and have dinner delivered.  
  
They sat laughed and reminisced thought out the entire meal and there was a moment of hesitation when they parted to go to bed in their separate rooms. Lexie took a long bath and sat brushing her hair but she was lost in thought. Her mind kept going back to the night he had kissed her. The way her body had reacted to the kiss had been amazing and she had never found a feeling that came close to mirroring it. He hesitated outside of her door. He wanted so badly to tell her the things that had been kept hidden for all of the years they were apart but he knew that he was taking a great chance by doing so. She had the power to crush him even though she had no idea that she possessed it. But she was worth the risk. He knocked softly and her heart sped up.  
  
"Come in." She said quietly and he opened the door slowly. She stood facing him in the mirror, her long curls hanging down her back mixed with the silk of her nightgown and the light from the lamp in the corner. He stood in the doorway and their eyes locked in the refection on the mirror but he made no move.  
  
"I know that I was an asshole." He said in a husky whisper. "I know that. I also know that I am an asshole to most people and I don't care. Their feelings are of no consequence to me but you were different. You were the one person who has never deserved to be treated like that. I just wanted to tell you that I am truly sorry." He looked at her for a minute longer then turned and left and she could finally breath again.  
  
He sat on his bed looking at the dark wall ahead of him. He had wanted to say so much more but he couldn't. Not yet. His eyes went to the doorknob that was slightly turning and he looked at her as she entered the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.  
  
"I was jealous." She whispered as she took a small step towards him. "I was jealous and afraid. I never wanted to care about you. I never wanted to fall in love with you. But I did. And I looked for every excuse to push it away. Then when you told me you were getting married I figured that was my escape. And I accepted it. But then you kissed me and I was so pissed that you had done that. So I decided to fight for everything I wanted. You never knew that did you?" Her voice never raised above a whisper. "I went to tell you that I loved you the day before your wedding. And I had a whole speech ready and then I saw you both and you just looked so happy. I knew that if I truly loved you than I would have to let you go. So I did. It hurt more than I could ever have imagined but I did it. So you see that I am just as at fault as you." She paused and in the shadow of the moonlight their eyes met as he stood and took a step towards her as she took one towards him. "Well except for the fact that you kissed me." He moved towards her as she stood inches away from him. Her hand touched his cheek and pulled his face to hers and the same spark shot through them as their lips met, his arms wrapped around her waist as his hands ran up her back to her hair, pulling her face closer to his. They reluctantly pulled apart, their mouths remaining inches apart.  
  
"There, now we're even." She whispered.  
  
"Yeah, but you know how much I love to win." He replied in a gruff voice as he pulled her close for another kiss. 


	12. Bittersweet Passions?

The kiss was becoming something beyond passion. The heat of their mouths, the exploring of tongues was pulling them into a place they had only dreamed of. Robert pulled back and smiled at her. "I can't believe I am going to say this to you but."  
  
She cut him off with another quick kiss. "I know. Neither of us is ready to rush into anything." They both smiled at her comment. They had had 10 years of foreplay and now they felt they were rushing. "Good night." She whispered and turned to leave. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him for one last kiss before letting her go.  
  
She lay in bed feeling happy and confused. And also feeling like she was missing out on her life again. She wanted to be near him. To feel his body next to hers as she finally let herself live the fantasy she had held so dear for so long. She got out of bed and slipped out of her room and down the hall. She knocked quietly on his door then opened it slightly.  
  
"Lex, what's wrong?" He asked getting up and she stopped him by shaking her head.  
  
"Nothing. I just want to wake up next to you."  
  
He grinned at her. "There is nothing that I would love more." He his grin became a seductive smirk. "Well, there are a few things but I can wait. Even if it is going to be damn hard to do." He pulled her to him and their lips met again. The passion was starting to overtake them again so they reluctantly broke the kiss. He led her to the bed and they lay down facing each other. Neither saying a word just enjoying the closeness as their hands intertwined. "I love you." He whispered and she smiled.  
  
"I love you." She whispered back. She closed her eyes as his lips touched her forehead, then her cheek and then her lips again. She snuggled up to him and both fell asleep more content than they had been in years.  
  
She stretched out with a goof smile on her face. The sun shown through the light chiffon of the drapes and she couldn't remember having slept better in her life. She laughed at herself. She had woken up several time in the middle of the night and snuggled up to Robert and each time she realized that it was real she would smile even bigger. She pulled on the robe he had brought her from her room and went down stairs to see where he was. She walked into the kitchen and looked around for him but he was nowhere to be seen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and aloud herself to stop and indulge in the rich smell of the liquid. He walked back into the kitchen and smiled at the sight of her standing in front of the kitchen window. The sun shown down on her ever so slightly and it made her almost glow. He walked quietly up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, handing her the rose he had picked in the garden for her. She smiled at him and turned to face him.  
  
"You had better be careful or people are going to think you are actually a nice guy."  
  
Robert laughed and shook his head. "You wouldn't do that to me. I have spent far too many hours mastering the fine art of assholyness." Lexie laughed and kissed him. "Well Lex, go get dressed."  
  
She raised her eyebrows at him. "Why?"  
  
"Well not that I wouldn't love to look at you in your nightgown all day but I have a special day planned for us."  
  
"What are we doing?" He shook his head.  
  
"It is a surprise." She grinned and kissed him. They went upstairs and to their rooms and got ready for the day.  
  
They started off at a small café by the river where they enjoyed fresh bagels and rich coffee as they sat enjoying the sun and the cool breeze from the water. An hour later they strolled hand in hand down the path that ran the course of the water. They talked about old times and funny memories and the relaxed feeling between them was one neither imagine they would feel again. Around noon they were both feeling hungry again and Robert led them to a small shop where he had Lexie wait outside while he went to make his purchase. He emerged a few minutes later with a picnic basket and took her hand again.  
  
"A picnic?" She asked and tried to peek inside but he playfully smacked her hand away. They walked to the park at the other end of the waterway and found the perfect spot under a huge tree. Robert laid out the blanket and the delicious looking contents from the basket.  
  
"If you keep this up I am going to get as big as a house."  
  
He laughed. "You are far to thin my dear. Either way no one will ever hold a candle to you." She smiled and kissed him. They lay back and enjoyed the fruits and cheeses from the basket and Robert grinned. He pulled a book out of his jacket pocket and she glared at him.  
  
"You stole my book?" She asked and he nodded.  
  
"I wanted to see what had you so captivated. And looking through it I must say that I am shocked Dr, Carter. A trashy romance novel?"  
  
Lexie was laughing out of embarrassment and nodded. "It was the only thing at the airport gift shop. Impulse purchase I swear."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Well, lets just see what this impulse purchase has to offer." She tried to grab the book away from him and that only made him fight for it harder. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her down to the ground with him on top of her to block her. "You are my prisoner now. And your punishment will be to lay here and listen to me read this horrid concoction of a story to you." She giggled and kissed him and as she pulled back she looked deep into her eyes. He could get lost in the rich green color that seemed to bear all the way into her soul.  
  
"I could kiss you for days and never get tired of it." She whispered.  
  
He smiled at her slightly. "Nice try. But I am not going to forget about." He pulled away and looked at the cover of the book. "Bittersweet passions?" He looked at her and she giggled.  
  
"It has a good plot." She said in her defense.  
  
"Uh huh." He said and sat up, pulling her so she was lying in his chest. "Ok, let's see what is going on with "Bittersweet passions". Orlando pulled the strings on her silk corset and gasped at her ample bosoms. "Yes Orlando, take me" Lanna said." Robert looked at Lexie. "You have got to be kidding me right?" All Lexie could do was laugh.  
  
Robert continued to read and they would laugh hysterically at parts and though neither would admit it they were slightly turned on by the in depth sexual descriptions. They spent the afternoon under the big tree in the park, oblivious to the world around them. There were no Landons, no hospitals or pagers, nothing but each other. 


	13. Forever and Always

They arrived home that night in wonderful moods. The past two days had been amazing and neither wanted them to end but both knew they would. She still had a life in New York and although Robert would do just about anything to have her stay he knew that he could never ask her to stay for him. It would have to be a decision she would have to come to on her own. She was just as torn. She loved him. She had always loved him but she had no idea if they could ever be together. He had his whole life here and she had hers in New York. The problem was that she felt like her life in New York would be no life at all without him in it. They sat quietly in the garden on the wooden swing and sipped their wine. Both were lost in their thoughts and Robert was the first to speak.  
  
"Have you thought about what you want to do?"  
  
She nodded. "I could lie and say the normal things people say when they are trying to be safe about things but I think we have wasted far to much time with games." He nodded. "I want to be with you Robert. I missed you every minute of the last six years and I don't want to walk out of here and out of your life. I am not asking for a ring tomorrow I just want to love you."  
  
He thought about what she had said and decided that he had been safe for too long and so far it wasn't working in his favor. He wanted the same she did and he made the hardest and easiest choice of his life.  
  
"I need an attending at the hospital. The pay sucks and the hours suck even more but it is always entertaining. And the way I look at it, you and your brother would kill each other if you had to live and work together, so this is what I suggest. Come live and work with me. I think we mastered fighting well enough to turn it into an art form and besides I would fight with you just to kiss and make up." Lexie smiled at her. It was almost as if he could read her mind. He had made the decision easy on her and that was exactly what she needed.  
  
"Ok." She simply said and they smiled at each other and sat back and continued to swing slowly and sip their wine.  
  
They slept in the same bed again that night and there was nothing more than heavy petting. They both knew that when the time was right they would know it and neither were in any hurry.  
  
He went to the hospital for an hour or so the next day and she went shopping to replace the things she had left in New York. He had given her a closet in the master suit and all of the drawers she wanted. He stopped in the doorway of the bedroom and surveyed the mess of bags and boxes all over the room. "Is there anything left for anyone else to buy or did you buy out the store?" He asked and she popped her head up from a pile of boxes wearing a big floppy hat.  
  
"I just got a few things. The essentials really." He laughed and picked up a Victoria Secret bag.  
  
"Hum, I would say this is defiantly an essential." His tone was suggestive and Lexie actually blushed.  
  
He went to finish the work he had started at the office in his study and she finished putting away her stuff. She wandered in to his office and sat down on the sofa to read her book.  
  
"How is Orlando doing?" He asked not looking up from his work.  
  
"Not well, Lanna left him for a pipe fitter from New Jersey. So now he is traveling to India in search of the meaning of life." She said matter of factly.  
  
"I always knew that Lanna was a whore." Robert muttered and continued writing. Lexie nodded in agreement and continued reading. The hours passed and finally as the grandfather clock in the hall struck 7 o'clock he set his pen down with a sigh. He grinned at Lexie who was biting her lip while she read. He had learned along time ago that she did this whenever she was mad or nervous. "Did Orlando find the meaning of life?" He quipped and she looked up with shock on her face.  
  
"No, he found Sophia." Robert nodded.  
  
"Well how about we let Orlando and Sophia be alone and I will cook you dinner."  
  
Lexie thought about it for a second and Robert grabbed the book away and took her hand, pulling her up. They went into the kitchen and Lexie sat smiling at him as he cooked.  
  
"It feels like we have been doing this for a million years doesn't it?" She asked with a far off look in her eyes. He set the cooking spoon down and faced her.  
  
"Yes, it does." He walked over and pulled her up into his arms. "Have I told you that I loved you today?" She shook her head. "I do. Forever and always." She smiled a soft smile at him and kissed him slowly. He looked into her eyes and felt like his breath had been taken away. Her eyes told so much about the depth of love she felt for him. The amount of time they had been apart had only brought them closer. He knew without a doubt that he would spend the rest of his life with her. She would be the mother of his children and his best friend. She would be the only one that truly ever understood him and was on his side even when he was wrong. And the scariest part was that it didn't scare him. "Are you ok?" She asked and touched his cheek. He nodded. "Ok, well I am going to go wash off the shopping smell before dinner. I bought a million bottles of stuff from the bath store and I am dying to use them." She kissed him again. "You are sure you are ok?" He nodded again and she turned and went upstairs.  
  
She walked into the bathroom and started to go through the bag of lotions and soaps she had purchased. She opened one side of the bathroom cabinet and it was full of Robert's manly stuff so she opened the other side. It was empty except for a small bottle of perfume that sat on the top shelf. She recognized the bottle as a scent she had worn a million years ago and was confused as to why it was there. Maybe it was one of Donna's that she had left behind. She couldn't resist opening it and inhaling the sweet scent of gardenias. A noise from the door pulled her from her reverie and she turned to face him.  
  
"Did Donna forget this?" She asked and he shook his head slowly. "Well what is it for then?" He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms on his chest.  
  
"It reminded me of you." He looked down as he spoke and she felt tear welling up in her eyes.  
  
"You bought this?" He nodded and she was speechless. She walked over to where he stood and pulled his chin up so his eyes would meet hers. Their gaze broke only when her lips touched his. The kiss was deep and passionate and more consuming than either had ever known. His arms went to her waist and pulled her body to his. They walked slowly out of the bathroom, their mouths connecting them as they gracefully made their way to the bed. He took the bottle form her hand and set it on the nightstand and he lay her down on the silk covered bed. He had made love to many women in his life but compared to the experience they shared they all paled in comparison. The silkiness of her skin was better than he had ever imagined it would be. A soft purring sound slipped from her lip then changed into the most erotic whimper he had ever heard. Their bodies were in tune with each other in perfect harmony and as they push forward to their climax she had never felt sexier and more alive, and she never wanted it to stop. The wave of passion washed over them and they clung to each other with all that they had as the climax of twelve years of foreplay descended on them. Her voice cried out as his body over took hers and they finally lay spent on the bed. Their heated breath was the only sound in the room until a loud wail started down stairs. They looked at each other and Robert jumped up and grabbed his pants, pulling them on as he ran out of the room. "Oh shit, dinner!" Lexie said to herself and threw on her nightgown as she ran downstairs after him. He stood at the sink with the water running into the burn dish. She couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry." She said over the ringing of the fire alarm. He finally smiled and picked up the broom and smashed the fire alarm on the ceiling until it stopped beeping. He walked over to her and kissed her.  
  
"It is ok. There are other things I would rather be doing right now." He kissed her again and she started to giggle. She turned and started running up the stairs and he followed. 


	14. The good fight

***Author*s note: I have tried about a million things to fix the weird punctuation marks that show up when I post just this one chapter but they won*t go away. So I changed them to *. Sorry if it is hard to read. Also, this is where the story gets a bit darker so you have been warned ***  
  
Robert and Lexie spent the rest of the week indulging in the presence of the love they had long since dismissed as lost. They spent the days quietly reading or sitting in the last rays of the summer sun and the nights were spent in candlelight. They ate most of their meals in what had become their bedroom and made love for hours. Neither had ever felt so free and as the week drew to a close they knew they would have to go back to the real world. They spent the last night together in the garden; her head lay on his shoulder as they slowly swung on the old wooden swing. The crisp breeze blew through her hair and he kissed her exposed neck.  
  
*I could stay like this forever.* She said quietly and looked at him with more contentment in her eyes than he could ever have hoped for. He grinned at her and it faded as soon as it started.  
  
*What if you could?* He said with a serious, nervous tone and she looked at him confused.  
  
*What are you talking about?* Their gaze was hypnotic and neither could break it.  
  
*What if me made our lives together a permanent thing?* Lexie*s eyes widened.  
  
*Are you asking me to marry you?* He laughed but her expression stayed the same. The phone started ringing inside and both hesitated to answer it but no one had called them at all the whole week and Robert figured that it might be important. She gave him one last confused glance as Robert got up to answer it. He walked out of the house and handed the phone to her. It was her brother.  
  
*Hey.* Lexie said and got up to walk inside for better reception. She realized that it wasn*t her phone that was breaking up. *Are you on your cell phone?*  
  
*Yeah, I am on my way over there but I wanted to warn you that Dad was on his way too. He is pissed Barbi. I guess the people that are doing the business thing are threatening to walk because of some slip up involving your leaving.*  
  
Lexie was shocked. Robert came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her and she struggled out of his embrace. *What are you talking about? I had nothing to do with the merger.*  
  
*I don*t know what he is talking about either but he is pissed.* Lexie heard the doorbell ring and she jumped. *That is me, open the door.*  
  
She ran to the door and opened it. John walked in and nodded uncomfortably at Romano. *What is going on?* Robert asked and both Lexie and Carter looked at him.  
  
*My father is coming to get me.* She said with a slight shake in her voice. Robert walked over to her and touched her arm.  
  
*I am not going to let anything happen to you. You have nothing to worry about.* She looked at him and his heart actually hurt when he saw the contentment had vanished from her eyes and was now replaced with fear. The sound of someone pounding on the door made them all jump. John looked at Robert and they had a silent conversation. All three knew that this could get ugly but neither man was going to let him come near her. Robert walked over to the door and opened it. Jack Carter stood disheveled in the doorway; someone who had obviously been trying to fight his demons with scotch replaced his usually pristine appearance.  
  
*Dr. Romano.* He slurred and Robert had to take a deep breath to calm himself. He had met Jack Carter on a few occasion, usually at some fundraiser, and he had never liked the man. The fact that he was willing to hurt his daughter to add to his already enormous fortune made him sick.  
  
*Jack.* His use of his first name was an intentional reference of his lack of respect for the man who he hoped would someday be his father in law. Jack looked past Robert at his children and laughed at John*s presence.  
  
*I should have known that you would leap on your white horse and run over here to try to save the day again. What, were your angle wings not as pearly white as you wanted them? You can relax son, there is already a place in heaven with your name on it.*  
  
Carter shook his head and walked over to the door. Robert walked back to Lexie*s side and took her hand. *Dad, I think you need to go somewhere and sleep it off.* Jack stumbled towards Carter and stood in his face.  
  
*And just when in the hell did you grow balls? You must have to talk to me like that. This is none of your fucking business so do yourself a favor and go home, have some milk and cookies and let me do what I have to do.*  
  
Carter shook his head and stood his ground. *I am not going to say it again. Turn around and get out of here and leave her alone. Do you really think we are going to just let you walk in here and take her with you? You must have more to drink than I thought.* Jack glared at his son and stumbled backwards, pausing a minute before he swung his fist which connected with John*s lip. Carter fell backwards and Jack came after him. Robert went to pull the drunk man off of Carter and Jack hit him in the face. Carter stood up and pulled his father away from Romano and held him by the collar. *I am not going to beat the shit out of you because I am not going to go down to your level but you need to turn around and walk out of here before I decide to slum it.*  
  
Jack looked at them and his eyes locked with Lexie*s frightened ones. *I am only going to say this once Barbara. Go get your things and come with me or I swear I will make you pay for this.* All Lexie could do was shake her head. Jack wiped his mouth off and laughed. *You ungrateful bitch. I gave you everything you have ever wanted and what thanks do I get? You turn your back on me when I need you the most. Landon was right about you. You are just a worthless whore that should never have been born.* As the last words let his mouth Robert*s fist connected with it.  
  
*Our time together is over. Leave now or I will not be responsible for what I do to you.* He hissed and Jack shook his head again.  
  
*Worthless, all of you. I figured you had some sense Dr. Romano. But I guess my whore of a daughter has convinced you to loose all logic like my pathetic son.* He turned and staggered out the door. He turned and looked directly at Lexie. *We are far from done here my dear. Count on that.* He turned and left. Robert slammed the door behind him and Lexie broke down in sobs. Carter pulled her into his arms and held onto her, he knew he was probly crushing her but he needed something to hold onto. Some semblance of family or even someone else that understood what he was feeling. She sobbed into his shirt as she grasped the material to hold herself up. He led her into the living room and they sat down as Robert followed them in and poured himself a drink. He handed one to Carter and he took it gladly. They were silent as they tried to take in what had just happened. Robert was the first to speak.  
  
*What in the hell was that all about? Why does you father want you back with Landon so badly?* He finished off his glass and poured another.  
  
*We don*t know why he is doing this.* Carter said and Lexie looked down. Both men looked at her. *Do we?* Carter asked and she nodded slowly.  
  
*I started suspecting that something was going on a few months ago but I couldn*t imagine that they would be doing anything like that.* The men looked at her for more of an explanation. * I am on the board of directors for the free clinic I run in New York. Dad set it up for me under the Carter Family Foundation*s name so that we could be declared a non-profit corporation. I never went to any of the board meetings because usually so swamped with the clinic and all of the stupid charity things that went along with it. So once a month I would get the information from the meetings and go over them and sign them. And then a few months ago the amount of paperwork started to increase. I asked Dad why it had almost tripled in size and he said that it was because of the new tax laws and insurance companies so I just went along with it. I would skim over them but Dad had always taken care of everything so I figured I had nothing to worry about. But the papers kept coming and Landon and Dad seemed more impatient that I wanted to read over them and that set off the alarm bells. Finally I told them that I wouldn*t sign them until my lawyer looked at them and both of them went ballistic.* Her voice broke and the tears started again. * Dad told Landon that he knew what he had to do and left the room so that Landon could teach me a lesson. Dad sat outside of my office and let him beat me. He even seemed to encourage it. So after that I would just sign them so that I could avoid any problems. But then I was asked to meet with some of the men that were involved with the merger and they were talking to me like I should know everything about it. Like I was one of the shareholders. I was too afraid to ask about it and so now I think I have my answer.*  
  
Robert and Carter stared at her. *You never had a lawyer look over the paperwork?* Robert asked and Lexie shook her head. John rubbed his hands over his face and Robert downed the last of the scotch in his glass. *Ok, this is not hopeless. We will just have to do some digging and we will fix it.* Robert walked over and knelt down in front of her. *You don*t have to deal with this alone.* She gave him a small smile.  
  
*Barbi, you have to make the phone call.* Carter said and Lexie looked at him with wide eyes.  
  
*John, you know what you are saying right?* He nodded.  
  
*What am I missing?* Robert asked and Carter and Lexie exchanged a look again.  
  
*We have always had our ace in the hole when it came to dealing with our parents and now it is time to use it.* Carter said without breaking the look with his sister.  
  
*And that would be what?* Robert still didn*t understand and to be honest, if the woman he loved wasn*t involved he wouldn*t want to know.  
  
*My godfather is Robert Mueller and he had always turned a blind eye on what our family is doing but I know that if I needed him he would back me up.* Lexie finally looked at him.  
  
*Your godfather is the director of the FBI? How in the hell did that happen?* Robert didn*t know if he was more impressed than confused.  
  
*He and Dad were college roommates and he has always been apart of the family.* Lexie looked back at Carter.  
  
*Are you going to make the call?* He asked and she paused.  
  
* Not yet, let me do some digging first and then I will decide. *  
  
Carter agreed and decided he needed to go. He was already late for his shift but could care less if Kerry was pissed. He said his goodbyes and left.  
  
Robert and Lexie walked up the stairs in silence and lay down in bed with their clothes on. He pulled he close as she sobbed on his chest. He looked up to the ceiling and promised himself that he would never let anyone hurt her again, so help him God. 


	15. Back in the Saddle Again

***Still having problems with the punctuation so bear with me.***  
  
Neither Robert nor Lexie slept well that night. At around 2 am Robert got up. *Where are you going?* She asked in a raspy voice. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. He offered his hand to her and she accepted. He pulled her up and into his arms.  
  
*Come with me.* He whispered and she nodded, following him in total trust. They walked down the dimly lit staircase and he led her to the kitchen. She sat down and watched him as he went to the freezer. He pulled out an ice cream container and grabbed two spoons. He sat down and handed her a spoon.  
  
*Robert, it is 2 o*clock in the morning, why are we eating ice cream?*  
  
He smiled at her. *Have you forgotten already? Ice Cream makes everything better.* She looked at him with a look of amusement. They ate directly from the ice cream container in silence, the looks in each other*s eyes told them everything they needed to know. This was how it was meant to be.  
  
*You don*t have to worry about anything Lex. We will call my lawyer tomorrow and let him handle it all.* He touched her cheek with the palm of her hand and she smiled at him.  
  
*I love you.* He smiled and she slowly shook her head. *No, I mean I really love you.* He took the spoon from her hand and pulled her onto his lap.  
  
*Say it again.* He whispered and she grinned at him.  
  
*I love you.*  
  
*I*m sorry, I don*t think I heard you.*  
  
*I* She kissed him. *Love* another kiss. *You* His hand went to her hair and pulled her mouth to his. The kiss was becoming full of passion and her arms wrapped around his neck as her legs straddled his lap. His hands moved down her back and rested on her waist. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he pulled her up onto the table, knocking the ice cream and spoons onto the floor. They made love with all of the passion and frustration that they seemed to be overwhelmed with and both lay spent on the table, trying to catch their breath. Lexie finally opened her eyes and took in her surroundings and couldn*t help but laugh. Robert realized what she was laughing at as he looked at the melting ice cream all over the floor mixed in with their clothes and the two spoons. Not to mention they were laying on the kitchen table. They lay there laughing hysterically and Lexie was relieved to be feeling the safety she was starting to know return. They got up and cleaned up their mess and went to bed.  
  
The alarm was blaring with an unrelenting evilness and Lexie moaned as she slammed the snooze button for the third time. *Lex, we need to get up.* Robert said in a sleep filled voice, not bothering to open his eyes.  
  
*Uh huh.* She mumbled and started to fall asleep again.  
  
*No, Lex we have to get up.* He rolled over and nuzzled her neck, placing kisses on her skin.  
  
*Well if you keep that up we won*t leave this bed all day.* She said with a content smile. She rolled over and straddled his lap. Her lips went to his chest as her body ground itself into his. He moaned and finally opened his eyes.  
  
*Ok, I am up.* He said and sat up, taking her with him. She rolled over on to her side of the bed again and he went to start the shower. She drifted off again and woke up as he threw a towel at her. *Get in the shower Carter.* He said and went to shave. She drug her tired body into the warm spray of the shower and started to wake up. They drove to the hospital while Lexie put on her make up and he gave her a quick kiss as they got out of the car.  
  
*Have a good day and don*t let them suck the intelligence out of you.* She laughed as they went their separate ways. She walked into the lounge and threw her stuff in John*s locker. He walked in and grinned at her.  
  
*How weird is this?*  
  
She stared at him.*What is weird? The fact that I am now one of your superiors that is sleeping with your boss or that we have to share a locker?*  
  
Carter made a face. *I really didn*t need the sex visual Barbi. You ready for a tour?* He asked with a grin and she nodded.  
  
Carter gave her report on the patients while he gave her the tour and then they stopped in front of the board. Lexie just stared at it and shook her head. *What did you do, sleep all night?*  
  
Carter laughed. *Yeah, I knew you were coming in so I figured I would just make them all wait for you.* He handed her the charts he was carrying and smiled at her. *Well big sister, you have a super fun day and I will see you in twelve hours.*  
  
She sighed. *Gee thanks. And you have a good rest. I promise not to page you every five minutes for the next twelve hours.* They stared at each other and both laughed.  
  
Lexie threw the chart in the pile and stretched out her neck. Five hours to go and she was counting down the minutes. She was tired, no tired didn*t describe it. She was a word for tired that hadn*t been invented yet. *How is it going?* Susan asked as she sat down at the desk.  
  
*Peachy.* Lexie said with a yawn.  
  
Susan laughed. She really liked Lexie from the start. She was surprised that someone like her would be with Romano. Susan always figured that only hookers would ever be with him and even then they would be looking at their watches every two minutes. But Lexie seemed to be a normal, smart woman so Susan figured maybe Romano had blackmail information on her. Susan looked at her watch. *Hey Lexie, grab your coat. Coffee, on me, at Doc*s. What do you say?* Lexie thought about it for a minute. If she stopped she would fall asleep but coffee did sound good. *Oh come one, I need to grill you on this insane rumor that I heard.* Lexie grinned at her and nodded.  
  
They sat in a booth in the back and giggled like school girls as Lexie told her the story of she and Robert. Susan put her hands over her heart and made a face. *That has got to be one of the sweetest things I have ever heard. It almost makes me like him. No offense.*  
  
Lexie laughed. *Trust me, I am the last one you need to apologize to for hating that man. I made it an art form.* They both laughed. *But seriously, he may be an ass most of the time, he may be cocky and arrogant and think that everyone else in the world is as dumb as bricks, but he has a heart like I have never seen before. I know it sounds stupid but he is the best person I have ever known.*  
  
Susan smiled at her. *Ok, so now I have to hate you too. And I never thought I would ask this but does he have a brother?*  
  
Lexie laughed. *No.*  
  
They sat and talked a while longer. Their pagers interrupted their conversation as their attention was drawn to three ambulances pulling into the bay across the street. They paid the bill and ran over to see what they had missed.  
  
*Nice of you two to decide to come back.* Kerry said as they walked up. Lexie and Susan exchanged a look and each picked an ambulance.  
  
*45 year old man, car-v- pedestrian. He was the pedestrian.* The EMTs rattled off vitals as they wheeled the man inside. Lexie did a full work up on him and had surgery paged. Lexie was doing everything she could to stop the bleeding that seemed to be coming from everywhere and the nurses were pumping the blood back in as fast as they could but it seemed to be a loosing battle. They had put in a chest tub but nothing was working. Robert pushed through the doors and shook his head.  
  
*I can already tell you that this is a lost cause.* He said.  
  
*Well is that your official diagnosis or are you psychic now?* She never looked up from the patient.  
  
*Well it could be that I have eyesight. There is more blood on the floor than in his body. Call it and move on.*  
  
Lexie finally looked up and glared at him. *You wanna call it?* She asked and he nodded. *Than call it.*  
  
*Time of death 18:54.* They glared at each other. She turned and walked out of the room and he followed. *Lexie.* He said and she turned around as she pulled her gown off. *Did you really think that he could be saved?*  
  
She sighed. *No, but you could have taken two seconds and graced us with your talent. Or is that the new cost effective surgery method? Look from the door and guess.*  
  
He rolled his eyes. *I am not going to fight with you about this.*  
  
It was her turn to roll her eyes. *Whatever.* She walked outside and lit a cigarette. Susan walked out after her and sat down.  
  
*He code?*  
  
Lexie nodded. *Yours?*  
  
Susan nodded. *So trouble in paradise?* She asked and nudged Lexie who looked at her confused.  
  
*With Robert? No. That is the way we are. We have the two sides to us. There is the work us, who fights and yells and then the other us. It keeps the passion there I guess.*  
  
Susan laughed. *This is going to be a lot to get used to. I tell you though, you are going to have a lot of friends.*  
  
Lexie looked at her with a grin. *And why do you say that?*  
  
Susan grinned back. *Cuz it will be nice to have someone who isn*t afraid to tell him where to stick it.*  
  
They both laughed. Robert walked out and cleared his throat and both women looked at him. *Dr. Lewis, you do realize that you still have patients in there right?*  
  
Susan sighed. *Yes Dr. Romano I do.*  
  
Robert nodded to himself. *Well then here is a wacky idea, why not go inside and hell, I don*t know, try to save them?*  
  
Susan and Lexie looked at each other and Lexie rolled her eyes.  
  
*And Carter, I know that you are busy gossiping but would you like to join Dr. Lewis in trying to keep your jobs?*  
  
Robert walked back inside and Lexie and Susan stood up. *He is so charming. I can see how you are drawn to him.* Susan said and they both laughed.  
  
*Yep, that is my man and don*t go getting any ideas about stealing him either.* They both laughed harder.  
  
Robert stuck his head out of the door again. *I know that my witty tone must have been confusing to you but you have ten seconds and then I burn down both of your lockers.* They finally walked inside.  
  
*I wonder if he knows that John and I are sharing a locker.* They burst into laughter again. Robert walked up to Lexie and stood next to her. She pretended she didn*t notice him and they both knew she did.  
  
*Dr. Carter, may I see you alone for a minute?* His tone was not a happy one.  
  
Lexie sighed and followed him into an exam room. *I am not going to argue with you Romano. I swear to God I will hit you with something hard and pointy if you even try…* She was cut off by his mouth pressed against hers as she was pushed up against the door. The kiss was passionate in an almost animalistic way and Lexie was caught totally off guard. His mouth roughly went to her neck and she couldn*t help but moan and pull him closer. After a second she pushed him back. *What in the hell are you doing?* She asked breathlessly.  
  
He grinned at her. *That was one of our signature fights and for the first time I can actually do what I always wanted when it was done.*  
  
Lexie laughed. *You are a strange little man you know that?* He nodded and she grabbed him again. She let herself indulge for only a minute longer then stopped him. *I have patients to see Dr. Romano.* She straightened her shirt and walked out of the room, leaving him to sigh and lean up against the door. She was going to end up killing him. 


	16. 100 Romano

Robert and Lexie continued on with their multi personality type life and as the last sun of the year set they sat in the old garden swing and kissed at the stroke of midnight. It had been a wonderful few months for them, better than either could have ever imagined it could be. They would still fight at work and then make love with all of the passion that would build up from the anger. Lexie had made the adjustment to being an ER doctor again quite well and Robert couldn't have been more thrilled. They had spent a quiet Christmas together, neither wanting to do anything. They had dinner with John and then exchanged the one gift limit they had set. She had gotten him a 14 carat gold stethoscope and he had laughed hysterically when he opened it. "You already think you are God so why not give you the best." She had said and he just kissed her. She unwrapped her gift and sat in awe. It was a snow globe, not one of the cheesy ones that venders sell on the street but one that was crafted with pure precision.  
  
"Do you recognize it?" He asked quietly and she looked at the small scene in the enclosed glass and her face shown the first signs of recognition.  
  
"Is that..?" She asked and he nodded. It was a replica of the inside of the ice cream shop in New York that they had spent hundreds of hours talking and laughing in while they had worked in the shelters. Lexie looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "How did you get this?" She said in barley a whisper.  
  
"I called in a favor to a friend of mine that makes specialty toys." She kissed him softly and looked into his eyes.  
  
"I love it." She said and he smiled. "It must have been really hard to get though."  
  
He nodded. "It was, but seeing your reaction makes it worth all the trouble.  
  
They made love under the Christmas tree that he had insisted they get. She had seen no reason to go through all of the fuss but he wanted to give her the best Christmas he could. But it was her unexpected gift that made it the best year of his life.  
  
They lay wrapped up in blankets as the fire softly crackled. His arms were securely wrapped around her and he kissed her shoulder.  
  
"Robert." She said quietly.  
  
"Yes love." He replied and continued to kiss her exposed skin.  
  
"I have to ask you something and I have am terrified at what your answer will be." He nodded and pulled her closer to let her know that she could tell him anything.  
  
"What is it?" He cooed.  
  
"Do you ever want to have children?" It was an odd question to him. He had never really thought about it and he had no idea how to answer.  
  
"To be honest I don't know. I have a very demanding job and I know that kids take a lot of work. I see the crap that they go through everyday and I don't know if I would ever have enough of myself to give." She nodded. "Why?" She shrugged. "What is on your mind Lex?" She said nothing and he sat up. She rolled over and looked up at him.  
  
"What if I told you that I was pregnant?" He looked down at her and his heart sped up.  
  
"Is that what you are telling me?" He asked cautiously and she nodded slowly.  
  
Their eyes never left each other. She was trying desperately to read what he was feeling. She had found out a few days before when she had gone to the OB/GYN to get her birth control pills refilled and he had done a routine pregnancy test. She had no idea how to react when he had told her that the test was positive. She had sat in the waiting room for over an hour trying to wrap her mind around the idea that she was going to be someone's mom.  
  
Robert looked at her and could see the fear in her face. She was waiting quietly for him to tell her to get rid of it or that it wasn't his but as the idea sunk in a grin appeared on his face. He loved her, no love didn't cover it. And with anyone else he would have had to take sometime to figure out what he wanted them to do but he knew without a doubt that this was the best gift he could ever have been given. He was going to be someone's dad and he was lucky enough to get to share the experience with the best person he knew.  
  
He took her hands and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. "Thank you." He whispered into her hair as she started to tear up.  
  
The week between Christmas and New Years had been about them adjusting. He was surprised at himself. He found himself smiling for no reason and Kerry or Donald or some other hospital moron would make some remark that he must have killed a small woodland creature on his way into work. But he didn't care. He was driving Lexie nuts too. She had always had a bad habit of eating like crap and most women hated the fact that she would eat a candy bar for breakfast and a double cheeseburger for lunch and still have the most amazing body that most people had ever seen. He had started sending his assistant down to the ER on random "Lexie checks" as he had called them. It was the same thing everyday and it had become a sort of cat and mouse game between Lexie and Robert's assistant Brenda. She would bring Lexie some meal that Robert insisted be brought in from somewhere else because, as he put it, the food in the hospital tasted like it had been the left overs that the bums wouldn't even eat. Brenda would corner Lexie with a tuna fish sandwich or some form of protein and wouldn't leave until she had seen Lexie eat the whole thing. No one in the hospital knew for sure that she was pregnant but they were starting to have their suspicions. Robert and Lexie had agreed not to say anything until they were into the second trimester just in case. They had told John who had looked like he was going to throw up. "First of all," He hugged his sister tight, "Congratulations." He then pulled back. "But secondly, yuck. Barbi, Romano? Romano's bloodline is going to be forever mixed with ours? Are you sure it is his? I won't think badly of you if it isn't. It is ok if you had a one- night stand or something like that. Anything. I won't tell him, I just need to know that my niece or nephew is not going to end up bald and pissed off all of the time. I mean, I want to love the kid." Lexie shook her head and laughed.  
  
"Sorry sibling. This kid is 100% Romano." She said with pride.  
  
John shook his head. "I need to go lie down." He walked away and she laughed again.  
  
"How did he take it?" Robert asked as he walked up and kissed her shoulder.  
  
Lexie nodded. "Pretty well actually." They both laughed. 


	17. Oh Just Stop Already!

The first six weeks of Lexie's pregnancy had been hell on everyone. She was constantly throwing up and when she wasn't she was exhausted. Robert and Lexie had decided that they needed to tell Kerry and her reaction had been one of pure annoyance mixed with congratulations. But Robert couldn't have been prouder of Lexie; she would throw up and then jump right into a trauma like nothing had happened. He was also surprised at himself. He had always thought that pregnant woman were annoying. They bitched about everything and he had always done his part to stay away from them, but he loved taking care of her. He blamed it on the hormones that women give off when they are pregnant but he knew that it was more than that. He would never admit it to anyone but her but he loved to rub her feet. It was strangely relaxing to him to massage her tired feet for hours as they sat and talked at night. And although she was adamant about doing things for herself he loved to pamper her. He insisted that dinner be in bed every night and he would wake up earlier than her every morning and make sure that he had the only thing she could stomach in the morning, which happened to be banana pudding. On more than one occasion he had to run out at 5am to the local mini mart and buy a box of the horrid stuff and make it before she woke up or she wouldn't eat breakfast and that wasn't acceptable to him. He had finally gotten wise and found a store that sold things in bulk and came home with enough pudding to feed an army.  
  
She felt guilty that she couldn't do more for herself and him but she felt like a bus had hit her most of the time. As the winter slowly turned to spring her flat stomach started to grow and OB had given them the green light to tell people. Granted most had already figured it out but the congratulations to him flowed while the 'having satin's baby' comments went to her. But everyone seemed to notice that he was relaxing. He was far from what most would consider even polite but he threatened to fire two to three people a week now instead of 12 to 15.  
  
"I think you may be getting soft there Robert." Donald joked to Robert after a nurse ran into him and he just let it go with a glare.  
  
Robert laughed. "Yep, one day I may even say thank you to a nurse." They both laughed.  
  
They carried on with no real excitement, aside from the occasional fights. Robert had not only calmed down with the staff but he had really eased up on her. The least amount of stress she had was better and he would pummel anyone who dared cross that line. Although she thought it was sweet he was driving her nuts. If any doctor, nurse, patient or anyone else for that matter got in her way he was there to glare them into a corner.  
  
"I am not going to tell you again! You are a med student and a first year at that, you cannot make these diagnosis without consulting an attending or the chief resident." Lexie said with more force that she had intended. The med student glared at her.  
  
"You weren't around and the patient needed to go up." He said with nothing but attitude.  
  
Lexie was unimpressed. "Did you page me? Did you try to find another doctor? Hell, did you even stop to ask a nurse what she thought? No! You went ahead and decided to make a very costly mistake."  
  
"Fine! Next time I let the guy die while I search the hospital for you on one of your little breaks." His voice reeked of innuendo. Lexie glared at him.  
  
"And what exactly does that mean?"  
  
The student crossed his arms and cocked him head to the side. "You sure spend a lot of time in the bathroom and maybe if you let up on the eating disorder we could have worked together to avoid this mess." His voice was low and Lexie just stared at him for a second then grabbed his arm and drug him into an empty exam room.  
  
"Listen to me you little shit. I don't have an eating disorder, I am pregnant. And no matter what the case is you may have forgotten that I am still your superior and can fail your ass so if I were you I would watch it!" Lexie slammed out of the room and the kid followed.  
  
"If you are my supposed to be my boss than why not try acting like it?" He called after her and she stopped dead in her tracks. He was so fed up with her that he didn't care if she failed him at this point. He had never liked women doctors; they used their hormones as an excuse for everything. His father had been right when he had said that they should have stayed nurses where they belonged.  
  
Lexie turned around and looked at him and she didn't see Robert walk out from the adjoining exam room. He had heard the whole conversation and was ready to kill the kid. He walked past Lexie and grabbed the kid by the shirt and pulled him back into the room.  
  
"Do you have something to say?" He hissed in his face and the kid wavered. "If I EVER hear you talk like that to her again I will make sure that you not only fail this rotation but every other one you ever try to take again. Are we clear?" The student could only nod and Robert let go of his shirt and the kid stumbled out of the room.  
  
"Although that was extremely noble it was completely unnecessary." Lexie said from the doorway. Robert turned and grinned at her.  
  
"I couldn't help it. He is a punk." Lexie nodded as she walked over to him.  
  
"Yes, he is but I can fight my own battles." Robert kissed her forehead.  
  
"I'm sorry love. I just don't want to have to worry about anything happening to you or junior."  
  
Lexie smiled. "We are fine. Really. So stop it before I hit you." She kissed him softly.  
  
Robert eased up a bit in Lexie's presence but made it known that anyone who mess with her was going to regret it for a very long time. He had no idea that they were about to be in for the fight of their lives and this time no one could protect them. 


	18. Right here waiting

They received the subpoena on a quiet morning in March. They had been sitting in the kitchen going over the plans for the nursery that Lexie had stared becoming obsessed with when the doorbell rang and Robert, happy for the escape went to answer it. He walked back into the kitchen and Lexie looked up at his face. He was studying the documents in front of him and Lexie was worried. The last thing they needed now was for one of them to get sued for malpractice. "What is it?" Lexie asked. Robert made no move to answer so she stood up and looked over his shoulder at the documents in his hands.  
  
As her eyes scanned the papers her heart sped up. It was a subpoena to testify in a case that had been brought up against her father and Landon. The charges ranged from money laundering to tax evasion and Lexie was named as a material witness which meant that she would be one of the people that could seal the deal on their fate.  
  
They looked at each other and both understood the relevance that this trip would bring. She would have to be in presence of the two people she feared the most and there wasn't a damn thing Robert could do about it. They were scheduled for a closed deposition and that meant that Robert would not be there, it would be Lexie and them. Robert went into the study to call his lawyer and Lexie pored over the papers. He emerged minutes later with a grim look on his face. "There is nothing we can do except that you can request that your lawyer be present." Lexie started to cry and her hand went instinctively to her stomach. Robert felt sick to his stomach. He had more of a stake in this than just sending the woman he loved into the lion's den; he was not sending his child also. He pulled her into his arms and held her as she sobbed.  
  
They spent the weeks leading up to the trip back to New York doing what ever they could to not think about it but neither were successful. Lexie had started having trouble sleeping and because of the baby she refused to take anything. Robert had started drinking more frequently, never getting drunk; he would never put that added pressure on Lexie, but just enough to numb him. The night before their scheduled flight Robert found Lexie trying to pack with shaking hands as the tears poured down her face. He walked up behind her and took her hands in his, trying to provide some comfort even though he had none to give. They lay in bed quietly that night and as the sun started to come up Robert got up to make some coffee before their early morning flight.  
  
They were quiet through out the flight and as the plane touched down and the passengers started to disembark neither made any move to get up. Robert took her hand and they looked at each other, their eyes locking as he tried to silently convey the faith and pride he had in her. They stood slowly and he pulled her to him, his arms wrapping securely around her. "Everything is going to be fine love." He whispered into her hair and she pulled him to her closer.  
  
They had little time to check into their hotel room before they made their way across town to the Law Office of Higgins and Clark. As they stepped out of the elevator Lexie's grasp on Robert's hand tightened as they spotted Landon and her father conversing with their counsel. Landon was the first to notice them and his mouth took on an arrogant grin that made Robert want to pound the power Landon was feeling out of him. The couple approached the men and Lexie never made eye contact with either of them. "Lexie darling, so good to see you." Landon made a move to kiss her cheek and Robert pulled her out of his line of grasp. Landon smiled at Robert and extended his hand. "Robert Romano, good to finally meet you." He said and Robert made no move to shake his hand. "Yes, you are everything I imagined you to be." He said with the cool tone that made Robert sick.  
  
"Ok, if everyone is here than lets begin." Jack Carter's attorney said as he collected the papers they would need.  
  
"My attorney isn't here yet." Lexie said with all of the calmness she could muster.  
  
"Yes, he called and said that he wouldn't be able to arrive until tomorrow but we are on a deadline so we have to go ahead with this today."  
  
Lexie looked at Robert with terror. She would have no one on her side in the room with her and although Robert would have done anything to change that he also knew that there wasn't a thing he could do. Robert gave Lexie's hand one last squeeze then kissed her cheek. "I am right here. No worries." She smiled at him and over her shoulder he could see the smirk had left Landon's face.  
  
Robert watched them exit through the conference room door and took a deep breath to calm himself when he saw Landon's hand go to the small of Lexie's back to guide her in. Landon turned slightly and grinned at Robert before he shut the door. 


	19. Not worth my tears

Robert sat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. He had brought some reports with him but his mind was not on the work in front of him and he had actually caught himself approving new equipment for the ER. He almost laughed at the mistake when he pictured Kerry's face as truckloads of new stuff being rolled in. He put the work aside and read the newspaper but had to put it down as the story on the front page was about a woman and her children that had been killed by a crazed lover. He finally decided to sit and think. His thoughts were on her of course. He had hoped that this trip would give him the opportunity to go through with the plan he had been preparing in his mind for months but it would all depend on how she was emotionally when they were threw here.  
  
Lexie said stone faced, her eyes never leaving the attorneys as she answered one question after another. A knock on the door broke the tension and a secretary ran in and whispered something in the attorney's ear. The man nodded and looked at the group in the room. "Jack, there is a call from your London office that says it is urgent so if you would like to use my office you may. I need to get a few more files so I will be right back as well. The men left and Lexie went to stand but Landon's hands on her shoulders stopped her.  
  
"Breath Lex, just breath." She thought to herself.  
  
"You are looking well Lexie. You seem to have gained a few pounds but that is always something you can rectify later. But you don't want to let it get away from you, you know how much I detest fat women."  
  
Lexie straightened her spine and using her strength stood up. "Thank you for the concern but it really isn't your problem now is it?" She walked towards the door.  
  
"I don't know why you won't stop with these games. You don't love him. How could you possibly? I am willing to forgive you but it is time to come home."  
  
Lexie shook her head as she opened the door. "The saddest part is that you truly believe that. It's over Landon. I don't love you; I don't think I ever did."  
  
Landon laughed. "Just wait, one day you will realize that you made the biggest mistake of your life by leaving me for such a pathetic excuse for a man when you could have had a real one and I hope that every tear you shed will remind you of the pain you brought upon yourself."  
  
Lexie actually grinned at him. "You are right Landon, I have already realized that I wasted far too much time with such a pathetic excuse of a man that you think you are and now I have found a real one. And I will never shed a single tear for you because you don't deserve my tears." She turned to take Robert's waiting hand.  
  
"A word of advice Robert, she isn't worth much, but she is great in bed so take advantage of it before you loose interest."  
  
Lexie grabbed onto Robert's hand tighter to keep him from charging at Landon. "I know that you are dying of jealousy because I am the one who is taking her home so I will let that remark slide this time. But a word of advice, if you EVER, and I mean EVER even think anything resembling a remark like that about her again I swear I will kill you. Now have a good day." Robert took her hand and they walked out of the office. As they exited the building Lexie grabbed Robert and pulled him into a passionate embrace.  
  
"Thank you." She whispered and he shook his head.  
  
"No thank you." He kissed her again and put his hand on the spot on her belly that had become his spot. She kissed him again. 


	20. Missed moments

Lexie left word with the attorney's assistant that she would not be coming back for the day and Robert grinned at her as they got into a cab. "Why do you look like you have a secret?" Lexie asked and he kissed her hand. He gave the driver the address to the hotel and they sat quietly as they drove through downtown Manhattan. The doorman opened the cab door for them and Robert helped Lexie out but made no attempt to close the door.  
  
"Are you not coming up?" She asked and he grinned and shook his head.  
  
"Nope, you go up to the room and relax. I have a few things to take care of and I will meet you later."  
  
Lexie looked at him skeptically. "You aren't going to go do anything stupid right?"  
  
He kissed her cheek and shook his head. "Just trust me." He said and got back into the cab. Lexie stood watching him go for a minute then shook her head and headed upstairs. It had been an emotional day and all she wanted to do was take a long bath and try to forget it all.  
  
She had just changed into her robe when there was a knock at the door. She hesitated opening it in fear that it was her father or Landon but a look through the peephole confirmed that it was not. Instead it was a small, middle-aged woman. Lexie let her in and the woman explained that she was the hotel's masseuse and that she was instructed to give Lexie a massage until she was as relaxed as jelly. Lexie laughed and let herself enjoy the magical way her muscles relaxed as the woman's hands rubbed every bit of tension out of them. Lexie hadn't realized that she had drifted off until a knocking at the door woke her. The masseuse was gone and it took Lexie a minute to gain her bearings. She opened the door and another woman stood holding a large garment box and a note. Lexie tipped the woman and set the box down on the bed, opening the note. It had a time and an address and that was it but she knew the handwriting and smiled. She had no idea what he was up to but she was starting to like the mystery of it all. She opened the box and pulled out an amazing black dress and matching shoes. They seemed oddly familiar to her and she guessed that she had seen them in a fashion magazine or something like that. She had enough time for a long bath and she smiled to herself as she applied her makeup. He was the most amazing man she had ever known. She had no idea what he had planned but she knew without a doubt that she would love it. She finished dressing and grabbed her coat as she walked out to the lobby to hail a cab.  
  
"Excuse me, Dr. Carter?" A young man asked as she stepped outside.  
  
"Yes." She replied, wondering for a minute if she knew him.  
  
"Dr. Romano has already secured transportation for the evening." He led her to the waiting limousine and he helped her inside. There were dozens of roses in the car and she felt giddy as they pulled up to an old hotel. It was one that had most likely been an amazing building in it's early days and even now it seemed grand from a distance but at a closer look you could see the years of neglect starting to show through. The driver helped her out of the car and a doorman greeted her.  
  
"Dr. Carter, may I show you in?" He asked and Lexie nodded. She followed him through the halls and she was hit with a burst of nostalgia although she was unable to pinpoint why. The man stopped and opened the set of double doors at the end of the hall and gestured for her to enter. She thanked him and walked slowly into the grand foyer that over looked the ballroom below. Her heals clicked in an echo as she descended the staircase where a second man that took her coat then disappeared just as quickly as he had met her. The old world style of the room was amazing and she marveled at the beautiful French statues that lined the room and the exquisite tapestries that hung precisely on the walls. The only thing that seemed out of place was that the room was decorated in what seemed to be Christmas decorations and it was early April. She walked over to the table that was set for two that sat alone in the middle of the room and picked up the card that sat in the middle.  
  
"Better late than never." Was all that it read and she grinned. She had no idea what was going on and she was starting to wonder if she was on one of those hidden camera shows.  
  
"Dr. Carter." Robert's voice echoed as he descended the staircase.  
  
"Dr. Romano." Lexie said as she turned to face him. He was dressed in the most exquisite tux she had ever seen.  
  
He walked over and stood a few feet from her. "I have to issue you my apologies."  
  
Lexie grinned. "Excepted. Now what may I ask are you sorry for?"  
  
"I let my pride get in the way of my true desires." He said diplomatically and Lexie couldn't help but stare at him as if he had gone mad.  
  
"K." She said slowly.  
  
"You see when you asked me to accompany you to this Christmas party I was too much of an ass to accept and although I know that you are here in the company of another man I would love nothing more than to have the privilege of a dance."  
  
At that moment it all clicked for her. He was fixing one of their "missed moments". The dress was a perfect copy of the one she had worn the night of the Christmas party and the party had been held in the same ballroom.  
  
Her hands went to her mouth as the tears welled in her eyes. He smiled at her and extended his hand, which she accepted willingly. A soft melody seemed to appear out of nowhere and he pulled her gently into his arms. They danced in silence even though her mind was a blaze with thoughts. No man had ever been so wonderful to her and everyday he seemed to help restore a small part of her faith that there were still good people in the world. He whirled her around the dance floor song after song and she couldn't help but giggle as he dipped her. Their eyes met as he pulled her back up and she saw the love that he felt for her deep in them. He took her hand and led her to the table that was adorned with her favorite foods. They ate in a comfortable silence and she grinned, as a tray of deserts was place in front of them. He took a fork and fed her small bites of each of the delicious dishes and finally stopped at the most extravagant one. It was a box made entirely of chocolate, small raspberries formed a deep red heart on the lid. He set the fork down and she looked up at him in anticipation for the raspberry mousse she was sure was inside.  
  
"I want to say something Lex. I have never been one to believe in all of that fate crap. I have always believed that we make our own futures and if things seem to happen a certain way than that is just a bonus. I have never believed in Valentine's Day or anniversaries, I have just never thought it was relevant to make someone's life any better. I have always thought that people who are love sick were suckers and anyone who thought they were really in love were fools. But every one of my preconceived notions about all of that went out the window the minute you came back into my life. I knew that I loved you almost the minute I met you. But I also knew that I could never love you the way you deserved to be loved so I let you go, but when you came back to me I knew that if I didn't do what ever it took to be with you and beg you to be mine I would spend the rest of my life hating every minute of it." He paused long enough to remove the lid from the chocolate box and pull out a smaller box. "I wish I could say that I love you, but that word doesn't seem adequate enough to me to tell you how I feel. I have no preconceived notions about the future and I am sure that I will make a million mistakes but I can't imagine my life without you in it." He opened the small box to reveal an exquisite two-carat diamond ring. "Barbara Alexia Carter, please say that you will do me the honor of becoming my wife. Will you marry me?"  
  
Lexie was speechless and all she could do was nod. He slipped the ring on her finger and they wrapped their arms around each other like they would never let go. 


	21. Late night ponderings

Dinner had become an afterthought as the two danced, locked in each other's gaze. No one in the world existed other than them at the moment and Lexie would sneak a peak at the amazing ring on her finger every once and a while and giggle.  
  
The ride back to the hotel was quiet as the two snuggled up to each other and Lexie grinned as they opened the door to their room. A bottle of sparkling cider sat chilling on the table along with a dozen roses. "And what would you have done with this if I had said no?" Lexie asked with a laugh and Robert shook his head as he headed over to the bottle.  
  
"I would love to take credit for this but it isn't my doing." He picked up the card next to it and laughed, handing it to Lexie.  
  
"Congratulations! And welcome to the family...I guess." It was from John and Lexie laughed.  
  
"How did he know?" She asked and Robert opened the bottle.  
  
"Well I figured it would be bad form to ask your father's blessing while I was pummeling his ass so I asked Carter's permission instead." He handed her a glass and she kissed him.  
  
"You asked for my hand?" She said and laughed again as he nodded. "I don't deserve you." She kissed him again. "What did he say when you asked him?"  
  
Robert laughed. "He told me that he was only saying yes because he knew that I loved you and would take care of you but that if I were to ever hurt you he would kill me before I figured out what I had done wrong." They both were laughing hysterically by the time he was done.  
  
They made love with all of the emotion and passion they were feeling and slept soundly through most of the night. Lexie woke sometime before dawn and lay looking at her newly betrothed. They had started out in such a different place with each other. They had hated each other, loathed each word that the other was about to utter and truly detested the fact that they had to share a planet with the other, let alone a hospital. And now, as she lay with his arm draped softly over her growing belly, she knew without a doubt that they had had to experience the things that they did in order to bring them to the place they were now.  
  
Both were skeptical by nature, unsure of people's intentions and actions in general. He used his work and his own sarcastic nature to avoid being hurt, even though he had been repeatedly but would never admit it. Granted this tough exterior had been a contributing factor to the years that they had missed out on together but it made what they had now spectacular. If they had ended up acting on their feelings the first few years that they had known each other it would have ended up as nothing more than sex and possibly "what ifs". They hadn't really known each other and although they were attracted to one another neither had really had a desire to really know the other. Sure, she had missed him all of the years in between the hospital and the volunteer program but she had never taken the time to find him and it had never occurred to her to wonder why. The fact that she had talked to her brother on a monthly basis and she had no idea that Robert was the jerk that John always bitched about made her now feel like there really had been some sort of force telling them that it wasn't time yet. And they had needed the time in the volunteer program to become friends. The years of distance had helped them to know without a doubt if the feelings they had felt were purely lust or if there was more of a solid base there to work with. She had gotten to see him in his most humane state and that had allowed her heart to open up to the real person that most were never lucky enough to see. And she knew that if he had stayed that day that he had kissed her than they may have been happy together still but neither had any idea about who they were themselves at that point. They needed to experience the pain to be able to appreciate the happiness they were feeling now. She needed to find herself, find that not everything in life was good. She had been raised with privilege and although there was never any excuse for the abuse that Landon had given her she could say without a doubt that she felt safe for the first time in her life. The short, bald, angry man that lay next to her made her complete in a way that she had only wished to someday witness, even if it was for someone else. Just to know that it existed would have been enough for her but the face that she was the lucky one made everything worth it.  
  
"What are you smiling at?" Robert mumbled and Lexie kissed him.  
  
"Just thinking about us." Robert pulled her closer to him and kissed her shoulder, closing his eyes again.  
  
"Yeah, you are a lucky girl." He mumbled again and she laughed. They fell asleep snuggled up together peacefully.  
  
"Robert!" Lexie said as she shook him awake. He blinked his eyes and yawned.  
  
"Yeah, honey?" He mumbled. She shook him again.  
  
"Coffee Ice cream." She mumbled and he sighed. He had learned quite quickly that Lexie talked in her sleep. The first few times it had scared the hell out of him because she would relay everything that she was dreaming about loudly. The first few nights she had had nightmares and had woken up clutching his shirt, crying about how sorry she was and for him to please stop hitting her. He had woken her up and tried to calm her as his own heart pounded out of his chest. As the months had gone on he had adjusted to it and it was only occasionally that she would have nightmares now but it still always made him jump. The upside to it was when she was happy or relaxed she would still talk but usually it was about food. He had actually gotten up one night when she had shaken him at 4am and begged for peaches, but when he returned with them she was fast asleep and had no memory of it the next morning. He now took the food dreams as good ones and would just smile.  
  
"Vanilla truffles too please." She said with a content grin and he chuckled.  
  
"In the morning love." He whispered and kissed her forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed again. The other bad side of her dreams were that the food she would talk about usually sounded pretty good and he would then crave them to the point of having to get up and go eat. As her pregnancy had worn on and the morning sickness had stopped her food dreams were more incredible and too many times he had ended up in the kitchen at three am eating the things she had mumbled about. He was sure that by the time she had this baby he would be bigger than she was. Kerry had commented on the fact that Robert looked like he was having a healthy pregnancy because he looked like he was already into his seventh month and he had told her that her hair was getting a bit too long and the lesbian society might kick her out if she didn't get it cut soon. They had glared at each other but he knew that he had to start taking better care of himself. He had to stop the drinking and he really had to stop matching Lexie bite for bite. "You are turning into such a chick Romano." He said out loud to himself as he fell asleep. 


	22. Then there were three

The phone was ringing as Lexie leaped out of the shower to answer it. Robert had mumbled something about vanilla truffles and hurried out the door to go find a candy store as soon as they had woken up. His eating habits had gotten so strange lately. He tried to blame it on the fact that she talked in her sleep but she didn't believe for a second that she really did.  
  
"Hello?" Lexie said as she pulled the towel around her tighter.  
  
"Hey, Barbi. It's John." She always laughed at him on the phone. After all of the years of phone calls he still figured she wouldn't recognize his voice, not to mention he was the only one who ever called her Barbi.  
  
"Hey Bubba." She said using a nickname she had always taunted him with.  
  
He chuckled but she could tell that he had something on his mind. "So I guess congratulations are in order."  
  
She smiled as she looked at her ring again. "Yes they are. And thank you for the flowers and the cider. It was really sweet of you even though I know you aren't thrilled about this whole thing."  
  
"Not the brother-in-law I had hoped for but if you are happy than I can live with it." He paused. "I got a call this morning. Some lawyer by the name of Kennedy who called the ER looking for you but Frank thought that he was calling for me so he gave me the message."  
  
Lexie sat down on the bed. "What did he want?"  
  
John cleared his throat. He had no idea how to tell her the news he had gotten so he figured he would just say it. "Your friend Sara died Barbi. She and her daughter Kelly were killed by her husband Michael."  
  
Robert walked back into the room with a mouthful of chocolate and stopped when he saw her pale face. He set the box down and walked over to her. She made no move to look at him.  
  
"What about Max?" She asked in barely a whisper.  
  
"He is fine. Michael took him as a hostage to try to escape and the police were able to get him away from him before Michael shot himself." John paused to let it set in as best as it could. He had been shocked when he heard the story but he had been even more shocked when the attorney had told him the real reason for the call. "Barbi, you know that you are listed as Max's guardian right?"  
  
Lexie nodded. "Is Robert there?" John asked and Lexie handed him the phone so John could explain it all to him. The lawyer needed Lexie to pick Max up and take guardianship of him or he would become a ward of the state. Robert listened in shock. He had seen the story on the cover of the newspaper the day before and felt a connection between Lexie and the poor woman in the story but he had no idea how much of one there had been.  
  
Lexie sat frozen next to Robert as he got the information and promised John that he would take care of Lexie and all of the arrangements. Lexie got up before Robert got off of the phone and started to get dressed. She needed to get to Max. He and Kelly had been the light of her life through out her years in New York and she and Sara had always held each other up. Lexie felt like a part of her had died with her because she had let her down, she had gotten out. Now Kelly and Sara were gone and Max would never know the amazing people they were. Robert stood in the doorway to the bathroom. He had no clue how to handle this. Lexie was franticly trying to pull her clothes on and getting more frantic as each moment passed. He walked closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders to stop her. She tried to pull away.  
  
"I have to get to him!" She said with more force than she had intended. He said nothing but continued to hold onto her and she finally relented and he pulled her into his arms as she let the sobs flow. She stayed in his arms until she felt she couldn't cry any more. Robert called the lawyer while Lexie finished getting dressed and an hour later the got out of the cab and onto the elevator in the lawyer's office.  
  
Lexie barely heard anything the lawyer said and relied on Robert to not let her sign anything she shouldn't. All she could think of was Max. There would be a 30-day waiting period for Max to go back to Chicago with them and then he could be legally adopted. Lexie sat nervously waiting in the chair while the lawyer went to get the social worker and Max. The door down the hall opened and Max's two-year-old figure walked slowly through the door, apprehensively looking around to see where he was being taken next. Lexie leaped up and he spotted her almost simultaneously, his small body running towards her and she pulled him into her arms. She held him as close to her as she possibly could, her hand resting instinctively on the back of his head to ease his crying face into her shoulder. "Shhhh baby, no one is going to hurt you ever again." She cooed as she held him and he grasped onto her shirt with all his small hands could muster. He had spent the last forty-eight hours in sheer terror and he had never been so happy to see his aunt Rex. He knew she would protect him.  
  
"Are we through here?" Lexie asked and the lawyer nodded. Robert got all of the necessary paperwork and they headed out of the office, Lexie never letting go of Max. They said nothing as they rode back to the hotel. Robert had a million questions but knew that they could wait. They took him into the room and laid him down on the bed. The poor thing was so upset that he had cried himself into exhaustion and started to drift off almost as soon as Lexie put him down. He started to panic when she got up to get a cool cloth to wash his face off but relaxed when he saw that she wasn't going far. She washed his face and hands and tucked him in, cradling him until his breathing became deeper and it was apparent that he was asleep. 


	23. the talk

Robert stood watching Lexie as she lulled Max to sleep and he had to take a deep breath. The reality of the situation was starting to take affect and he wasn't sure what to do with the emotions that were hitting him. He knew that they were going to be parents but he also thought he had a few months to still prepare for it. A part of him wanted to run, run back to Chicago, back to his old life, no matter how dismal it seemed to him now. True, he had never been happier since he and Lexie had been reunited but in his old life he was in total control. He looked at Lexie again and turned and walked out of the room to the mini bar. He poured a glass of scotch and downed it with one drink, pouring another before the burning sensation had even stopped in the back of his throat.  
  
Lexie stood in the doorway watching him. She had pretended for the last few months that she hadn't noticed the increasing amount of scotch that had been appearing in the bar at home and then disappearing just as quickly but had said nothing because she felt that if that was his way of dealing with all of the things that had been going on that she had no right to intrude. But the truth was she was afraid to confront him on it, or in rather she wasn't ready to confront herself with the fact that he wasn't perfect. She rationalized it that he never got drunk enough to make it obvious but he would never drive after he got home at night and she figured that he probably started before he even left the office at the hospital. Little things had started to help put the pieces together for her over the last few weeks. They were small things but added together they formed a picture of a man that was falling. He would always carry chewing gum with him but he would only chew it when he was sure he was done seeing patients for the day and then he would chew it non-stop. He had started to seem exhausted and sick every morning and would start to feel better after he had power drunk glass after glass of water.  
  
She finally walked over and touched his shoulder, causing him to jump. He set the glass down and smiled an awkward smile at her. "I think we have some things to talk about." She stated simply and he nodded. They walked over and sat down on the sofa that faced the bar.  
  
There was an awkward silence between them and then Lexie took a deep breath. "There are some things that you need to know and I want to warn you that they aren't very pretty but this is your life too and you need to know everything."  
  
He nodded and sat back to give her his full attention. "Sara and I met a few years ago. Landon wanted us to join this stupid country club and as usual I went along with it but I hated every minute of it. I grew up in that life and so I figured that was just how it was supposed to be. Michael was a golf buddy of Landon's and Sara and I used to use the time when they were off golfing to get to know each other. She hated the club as much as I did. We used to joke that we were going to form our own anti-club. One day she saw a bruise that Landon had given me and we realized that we had more in common than we knew. Michael was abusing her and that just formed a tighter bond between us. We would talk about ways to get away, depend on each other to make it out but we never did and then she found out she was pregnant with Max. She debated whether or not to even have him. Michael had started to become increasingly angry at their daughter Kelly and Sara was afraid that it was only a matter of time before he stared in on the new baby. But in the end she had Max and he became the love of her life. And she asked me to take care of the kids if anything should ever happen to her. I agreed and meant it but never thought it would really happen."  
  
Lexie felt the tears burning again and Robert put his hand on her knee in support. "Sara knew that I would never let Landon hurt the kids, that I would take the beating for them and I would have." She looked off into space and the first tear drifted down her cheek and she finally looked at him. "I know that this is a huge thing for you to have to take on and I want to do the right thing and give you the option of not having to deal with it. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. This isn't what you signed on for. So honestly Robert, you don't have to decide anything tonight but just be honest with me and we will deal with what comes."  
  
He nodded and looked at her. Ever fear he had was still there but he knew without a doubt that she wasn't going to do this alone.  
  
"It is true, I didn't know this was how it was going to be but when I asked you to marry me I didn't just mean through the easy times. I love you, more than maybe I will ever know. And I know it will take some adjusting but we will make it work."  
  
She smiled at him and touched her palm to his cheek. "You amaze me." He kissed her palm. She smiled at him. There was more and she knew it. It was time.  
  
"Robert, we need to talk about something else." He nodded as he took another drink from his glass. Lexie looked from his eyes to the glass then back at him, his eyes following hers.  
  
"This?" He asked, motioning to the glass in his hand. She nodded. "You think I have a drinking problem?" He was getting defensive and she wanted to be able to discuss this rationally.  
  
"No, I don't think you have a problem. I think that you have been using alcohol to hide from what has been happening."  
  
He was getting more and more pissed by the minute. "This is asinine Lexie. So I have a few drinks every once and a while, big deal, who doesn't?" His voice was rising with each word.  
  
"Can you please just calm down. I am just worried that this will become a habit and I don't want to see that happen."  
  
He stood up and slammed the glass down. "Well, will the drama continue? If so than maybe I should just get used to it and then it won't be a drinking problem, it will be life."  
  
Lexie sighed. He was freaking out and she was starting to get a little pissed also. "Do you really think that I am enjoying the drama? If so than the booze had clouded your judgment even more than I thought." She stood up and walked over to the window.  
  
"Is that what you really think? That my mind is clouded?" He yelled and she turned around and glared at him.  
  
"All I am saying is that you shouldn't hide from the world behind a scotch glass." They both knew that this was getting out of hand and if they didn't stop soon one would say something they would regret but neither would waiver.  
  
"Well if I didn't have to deal with so much dramatic shit so often I wouldn't have to hide. Maybe my mind wouldn't be so clouded. Maybe I would make better choices for my life but I guess that is just the booze talking right?" He hissed.  
  
"And what life decisions would you have made differently?" She asked in a quiet warning voice as they both stared each other down. They knew that what ever his answer was could possibly change the outcome of their future. 


	24. Timing is everything

Robert and Lexie looked suspiciously at each other. "What better life choices would you have made Robert?" Lexie asked again with an accusing tone. He said nothing.  
  
He was pissed. Pissed not only that she could think that he would question being with her but also at the fact that she was right about the drinking. He had been hiding behind it but his stubborn side wouldn't let him give in. It seemed like one of their classic battle of wills but this time it was for a far grander prize and he knew that he had two choices. Give in and admit that she was right or go with his normal pattern of winning at whatever the cost.  
  
"You can't be seriously asking if I still would have asked you to marry me if I hadn't been drinking." She said nothing. He turned and walked out the door to the hotel room, slamming the door behind him, causing Lexie to jump at the sound. She slouched down on the sofa and touched her stomach with her hand.  
  
"Your mom really did it this time little one." She whispered as her hand caressed the round lump under her shirt. She stood and walked into the other room where Max slept quietly. She lay down next to him and pulled him close. The talk had not gone how she had hoped. He had become defensive very quickly and that usually meant that he knew she was right although it held no victory for her. She felt herself drift off and jumped when she heard the knocking on the door to the hotel room. She looked at Max, who was sound asleep and quickly went to answer the door before he woke up. She was sure that it was Robert who had forgotten his key, which made it all the more startling when she came face to face with Landon.  
  
He stood stone faced as he always did, an air of superiority surrounding him. Lexie had no idea what to do or why he was there. She knew that there was no way he was getting into the room no matter what he did he would not get near Max.  
  
"What do you want?" She hissed and he just grinned. She was always such a spitfire, that had driven him mad but it had somehow always turned him on when she got like this.  
  
"I just heard about Michael, Sara and Kelly and I wanted to extend my condolences to Max."  
  
Lexie shook her head. "No, he is asleep and you are not getting anywhere near him."  
  
Landon was getting annoyed. "Lexie, don't be so dramatic. I just wanted to see how both you and he were doing. I know how close you and Sara were and I just wanted to be sure everything was alright."  
  
Lexie couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not.  
  
"Just leave, he is fine and so am I."  
  
Landon didn't waiver. "Let me in Lexie, I want to see the boy." He pushed past her and into the sitting area of the room. She followed, she knew that she was no physical match for him but she wouldn't let him in the bedroom come hell or high water.  
  
"If you don't leave I am going to call the police. I am not kidding either Landon. Go."  
  
He laughed and walked towards the door to the bedroom and she blocked him as he reached it. "I am serious!" She yelled and his expression changed. Nothing pissed him off more that when she talked back to him. She had no right to ever tell him what to do and he had hoped that she had learned that over the years but it was apparent that she hadn't. He stood in her face and grinned at the fear he saw in her eyes.  
  
"You aren't as tough as you act are you Lexie? I can see it all in your eyes. You are just a terrified little girl that doesn't know what to do so you have the nerve to yell at me?" His warm breath on her face made her stomach turn. He was right, she was terrified but she couldn't give in to it. Their eyes were locked in defiance and she took a deep breath and stood taller.  
  
"I asked you to leave and I am not going to say it again." She hissed and he grinned again.  
  
"And then what are you going to do Lex? Hit me? Kill me?" He laughed and his hand grabbed her face, pulling it closer to his as his smiled faded and she saw the familiar look in his eyes. "You aren't going to do shit because you are weak, weak and pathetic. You always have been." They were having a standoff with their eyes and Lexie didn't dare to even blink. She knew that he could snap at any minute and she couldn't let that happen. His hand released her face with a shove and the back of her head slammed into the door behind her. Her hand went to the spot where it had hit and she could already feel the pain starting. She looked up at him but tried to show no fear.  
  
"Leave, now." She said and pointed to the front door. He grinned and she saw what was about to happen before it did. His hand recoiling, his open palm coming at her, the smacking sound as it made with the contact to her face. She could taste the blood in her mouth and she looked at him in shock as his hand pulled back again, this time with a closed fist.  
  
Robert sat at the bar in the hotel lobby brooding. He shouldn't have left. He knew that had been a dumb move but he needed to remove himself from the situation before he said something he would regret. He looked at the glass of scotch in front of him. He had ordered it almost a half an hour earlier but it had sat untouched. He knew if he drank it he wouldn't stop and he owed too many people to not do it.  
  
"Dr. Romano?" He looked up at Carter standing next to him with a suitcase hanging over his shoulder.  
  
"What are you doing here Carter? Did Lexie call you?"  
  
John shook his head. "No, I knew that with everything that was going on with my father and now Max that an extra pair of hands might come in handy."  
  
Robert nodded and gestured to the chair next to him. "Can I buy you a drink?"  
  
John nodded and sat down. He had no idea where his sister was but he figured he would find out eventually.  
  
Lexie slouched on the floor, holding her stomach. This couldn't possibly be happening her mind kept screaming. She tasted nothing but blood from his last punch and she just prayed that she could get him to stop or escape somehow before he hit her in the stomach. She was feeling really dizzy and sick and begged herself to not pass out. Landon grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up to face him. He actually looked proud of himself. She decided that she had one chance; she could use the fact that she had never fought back to her advantage. Her foot connected with his groin and he let his grip on her hair go as he grasped himself. She pushed him away from her and went for the door to the bedroom. It had a lock on it and if she could get in there she could call the police. She had turned the handle when his hand grasped the back of her neck and flung her to the ground. His foot connected with the lower part of her back and she screamed out in pain.  
  
"So, um, where is Barbara?" John asked as he took a drink of his beer. It was incredibly uncomfortable sitting there with Romano trying to make small talk and he just wished that they could go upstairs and he could get settled into his room.  
  
"She is upstairs with Max. I just needed a breather so I came down here but I know that she will be pissed if she knew you were down here all this time without saying hello." Robert threw some money on the bar and stood, signaling John to do the same. They walked into the lobby and Robert stopped. "I need to grab something from the gift shop." Carter nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I need to get checked in so I will meet up with you later."  
  
Robert nodded and went to the gift shop to see if he could find the worlds biggest bouquet of flowers. He had been a horses ass and hoped that she would at least let him back into the room. He looked around and decided that he would just buy two bouquets and a toy for Max. The cashier was on the phone and Robert was getting annoyed.  
  
"Excuse me." He said and she gestured that it would be a second. He sighed.  
  
Landon kicked her again and then knelt down next to her swollen face. "Don't you ever disrespect me again, do you hear me?"  
  
She was crying from the pain. He kissed her forehead and grinned at her. "And see, now you have made me late for my tennis game. I will have to visit with Max another time." He stood and wiped his hand off with a silk handkerchief. He stopped as he reached the door and turned to face her. "Have a nice day." He said and laughed as he walked out of the room. He walked to the elevators and hit the down button as Lexie passed out.  
  
"Have a nice day." The cashier said as she handed Robert his change. Robert raised an eyebrow at her and walked out. Carter was standing waiting for the elevator and Robert debated if he should wait to approach it in fear that he and Carter would have to ride up in another uncomfortable silence but he figured Lexie would have to let him in if Carter were there so he decided to suck it up. They nodded as he approached and they both looked at the elevator numbers as they flashed as to what floor they were on. Both were headed down as about the same speed and Carter pictured them having a race in his mind. The first elevator dinged and the doors opened and Robert and John got on as the second door opened and Landon got off.  
  
Max wobbled out from the bedroom and opened the door. He had heard someone yelling and at first had been to scared to get out of bed but when he heard the door open he figured everyone had left and took a chance. He spotted his Aunt Rex lying on the ground; there was blood all over her, just like there had been on his mommy. "Aunt Rex?" He asked and when she made no response he shook her. "Aunt Rex?!" He yelled and started to cry. She had gone away just like his mommy and now he was going to have to go back to the scary house again. He knelt down and hugged her body with his own as he cried.  
  
Robert and Carter got off on their floor and headed for Robert and Lexie's room. As they got to the door they heard Max crying and Robert paused for a second. He had no idea how he would comfort a crying child while trying to make Lexie forgive him. Carter looked at him as he paused and Robert finally took the card key out of his pocket and slid it into the lock. The door opened and both men froze. 


	25. Not this time

Max looked up as the door opened; the people that had hurt Aunt Rex were back. They both stood and stared at him as he did his best to hide her behind him. He tried not to cry but the tears betrayed his strong façade as they spilled down his cheeks.  
  
"Lexie!" The old, bald man that had been with them before, yelled as he ran over to them, the younger man behind him.  
  
"What in the hell happened?" The younger one asked as the older one turned her over, incidentally push Max away from Lexie.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Max screamed as he pushed himself back in between them and her. He was pushed away again.  
  
Carter was in a state of shock and was relying on his autopilot to help her. His shaking hands searched for a pulse as Robert tried to assess her injuries that seemed to be everywhere.  
  
"Oh God." Robert muttered as he pulled off her shirt to reveal the huge gash that was on her lower back.  
  
"Call for the paramedics!" Carter yelled as he tried to feel for an airway through the blood that was pooling in her mouth and down her throat. Robert grabbed the hotel phone on the end table next to him and dialed the operator.  
  
"Call 911! We need paramedics now!" He yelled into the phone and hung up. Both men were trying to keep their cool and failing. They both knew that if they panicked now she was dead. Max was still crying and kept trying to protect Lexie from what he thought was them hurting her but they did nothing but ignore him. Robert's mind was working at the maximum rate and a sudden concern for the child was unthinkably normal for him. He had never liked kids. Ever. And even Carter looked up as Robert took Max in his arms and tried to calm him.  
  
"Max, you need to stop and listen to me." For some reason Robert's voice seemed soothing to him and he stopped and looked at him wide eyed. "She needs our help right now and you need to stop and let us help her. Can you do that?" Max nodded. "Are you hurt anywhere?" Robert's voice was almost a coo. Max shook his head. "Ok, then please let us help her." Max stood back and continued to cry but didn't try to stop them.  
  
Lexie started to cough as John's fingers cleared her throat as best he could. The coughing was turning into a gagging sound and Carter turned her on her side as the blood poured out of her mouth.  
  
The pounding started on the door and Robert leaped up to answer it. The paramedics invaded the room. Lexie had been lucky. The men had been at the restaurant across the street eating dinner when they got the call.  
  
"What have we got?" One paramedic asked as the other two started an IV and assessed her most relevant injuries.  
  
Both men shook their heads. What had happened was the one question they both wanted answered but it seemed irrelevant until they knew she would all right. The paramedics loaded her onto the stretcher and Carter followed them out. Robert didn't even stop to think, he grabbed Max into his arms and ran out after them.  
  
Robert set Max down in one of the hard plastic chairs in the ER waiting area. The irony of the whole situation was mind blowing. He would have laughed if he thought for a second it was funny but as it was all he could do was stand in the waiting room of the hospital that their lives together had started in and wait. Someone walked through the trauma room door and as the door opened he saw a flash of her. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and machines, all of which he had used a million times but couldn't remember a single name of one of them. What if something happened to her? What if her injuries were too much and she couldn't fight? He felt a wave of guilt mixed with fear wash over him as he thought of the baby for the first time. As a doctor he knew that there was a good chance that the baby wouldn't make it. The father that he had found himself becoming wanted to hit himself for thinking it. They would both make it; they had no choice but to.  
  
Being on the other side of the doctor patient role was not like anything Carter had ever experienced. He had seen it a million times, a family waiting eagerly for word on their loved ones condition but had never known what it felt like to sit there helplessly and do nothing. He was sure that the doctors were doing everything they could to fix her but the selfish side of himself wanted to be in there to make sure that they were doing it right. His mind was trying to understand what could have happened. He had never made it a secret that he didn't like Romano. He was the worst kind of doctor, a good one. He had always been such an ass to everyone, never caring about anything or anyone other than himself. That all changed the minute his sister had walked into the ER that night. Everyone had seen a side of Romano that no one knew existed and Carter had wondered if maybe he would become human, but he hadn't, with everyone except Barbara. He truly seemed to worship the ground she walked on and Carter had found himself respecting a small part of Romano despite his resistance. Carter had thought a million things about Romano over the years but he couldn't imagine that he had done this to his sister. The problem with his brain agreeing was the fact that it was the only scenario that made any sense. Romano had said that he had to take a breather, so they had been fighting. But John couldn't believe it was the truth. Something about it didn't make any sense.  
  
Jason Hubert had been having a bad day. The ER was filling up quicker than they could get them streeted and they were piling up. He walked into the lounge to get his first cup of coffee of the day and he had been there almost 7 hours. He was just adding the forth packet of sugar when Dr. Chapman walked in.  
  
"Jason, we have a trauma coming in that you need to handle."  
  
Jason turned around and glared at the old man. He needed to retire and Jason would have preferred if he chose to do it that day.  
  
"Ed, I need a minute." He said through gritted teeth. He understood that Senior Attending was a great honor for him to have received but he was sick of being the go to guy.  
  
"I know Jason, but just take this one and you can have a break. We are getting slammed out there." Jason took a deep breath and threw his coffee in the trash.  
  
"What do we have?" He asked as he pulled on the gloves the nurse handed him as he met the paramedics.  
  
"35 year old female, unsure cause of injury." The younger paramedic spouted off as they pushed her down the hall.  
  
"I would say she got the hell beaten out of her. Five bucks says that the husband did it." The other paramedic joked and Jason finally looked down at the patient and his heart rate sped up. He knew her.  
  
"Get Dr. Chapman in here now!" He yelled as they pushed through the trauma room doors.  
  
"Dr. Romano?" Jason asked as he walked out into the waiting room looking for Lexie's family.  
  
"Hubert?" Robert questioned in an exhausted voice as John stood up next to him.  
  
"Yes sir. Are you here with Lexie?" He questioned and Robert nodded. Jason gestured to them back towards the trauma room, stopping just outside the doors. John stared at his sister on the table. He hadn't cried yet although this sight was enough to push him over the edge. She looked like she was dead and John swore to himself that if this doctor told them that they had done everything they could do, he would kill him right where he stood. An older man came in and looked down at her with such compassion that John wanted to hug him. The man touched Barbara's cheek and John's breath caught as her hand moved to touch his. She was awake. He pushed through the doors and walked in to her. Jason went to stop him but Robert let him go in.  
  
"So she is going to be fine?" Robert questioned and Jason nodded. "And the baby?" Jason looked over the chart.  
  
"Everything seems to be fine. We found a strong heartbeat and he seemed to be healthy as a horse."  
  
Robert grinned. "He?" Jason looked up and realized that he had just given away the sex of the baby.  
  
"You didn't know the sex did you?" Robert shook his head. "Great." Jason muttered and Robert shook his head and walked into the trauma room. Carter was holding Lexie's hand and talking to her softly.  
  
"Tell me Barbi." Lexie shook her head and closed her eyes. "Barbara." She said nothing. "Barbara!" She opened her eyes and looked at him. Robert walked around to the other side of the bed and she looked at him. He had tears in his eyes that he was doing everything he could to not let them fall but they started to fall anyway. She tried to smile at him but her face was too sore. "Barbi!" John said with an amount of force. He didn't want to have to ask her if it were Romano, it would break his heart if she said yes.  
  
"Tell him Lex." Robert said quietly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  
  
"Landon." She whispered. John nodded and walked out the door. Robert walked after him and grabbed his shoulder to turn him around.  
  
"No Carter." Robert said in a hushed tone and Carter looked at him like he was crazy.  
  
"You want me to sit back and let him get away with this again?" He couldn't believe that he wasn't out there with him gathering a search party and lighting the torches.  
  
Romano shook his head. "Stay with your sister." His voice reminded Carter of a growl. Romano turned and went back into the room with Lexie. He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead and walked past Carter and out the door. 


	26. The mob squad

Robert got out of the cab and gave the driver a fifty-dollar bill. The driver looked at him like he was crazy. "Mister, the fare is eleven bucks." Robert nodded.  
  
"Yeah, the rest is yours if you were never here." The driver nodded. This wasn't the first time he had ever "not been somewhere" so he accepted it and drove off.  
  
Robert looked at the brownstone that he had been at many years earlier and felt the rush of anger return. If he had stayed in New York none of this would have happened. He could have protected her from this monster and killed him the first time he laid a hand on her. But as it stood he could do nothing about the past, the only thing he could do was secure the future. He walked up the steps and rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. He rang it again when no one opened the door and finally he heard the double locks click open and there he stood. He had been in bed with a terrible headache and had been extremely pissed that who ever it was hadn't taken the hint, but his anger turned to rage when he saw who was disturbing him.  
  
Robert didn't even wait for him to say anything, the minute he saw his disgusting face his fist connected square in his jaw causing Landon to stumble backwards. Robert followed him as he stumbled back and hit him again, this time in the nose. "You get off on hitting women? Well, I am not a woman but I want you to take your best shot." Robert hissed and punched him in the face again. Landon was too shocked to react. He stumbled backwards, landing on the floor with Robert's next hit. "Come on you son of bitch, get up and show me the same moves you made on defensless woman or are you to pathetic to fight someone who can actually kick your ass?" He kicked him in the side. "Come on!" Robert yelled. He leaned down and grabbed his collar, pulling him to his feet. He had gone from pissed to rage and was almost frightening himself. "You aren't as big and bad as you were a few hours ago are you?" Robert hit him in the face again and let go of him. Landon fell again and Robert didn't hesitate before he kicked him again, this time in the ribs. Landon looked like he was about to cry and Robert took this as a good sign. He leaned down close to Landon's face.  
  
"This was your one and only warning. If you ever even so much as think about touching her again I will kill you. I don't mean figuratively I mean truly kill you and I will go to prison with a smile on my face because every day I spend in there will be one more day she is safe and that will make it worth it. Do you understand me?"  
  
Landon nodded and Robert stood back up. He looked down at the pathetic man lying on the ground crying and figured that his work there was done. He had shown him how it felt to lay there helplessly as someone beat the crap out of them. He turned and walked back out the open door, down the stairs and onto the sidewalk, disappearing into the crowd as he headed back to the hospital.  
  
"Where did he go John?" Lexie asked again for the millionth time. John wouldn't say a word but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. The police had been there to get her statement and she had lied. She had said she had no idea who had beaten her up. Some man had tried to break into the room and she had startled him. She was afraid that if she told the truth the judge wouldn't give her Max. He would assume that it was an unstable environment and take him away. She looked over at Max who sat playing with a rubber glove balloon that one of the nurses had made him. She felt so badly that Max had seen her go through this. He had enough to deal with without adding to the drama. Robert walked into her room and smiled at her. She just stared at him. His knuckles were cut up and she crossed her arms and glared at him. "What did you do Robert?" He walked over and kissed her on the cheek.  
  
"Nothing, I went for some air is all." Lexie sighed. Robert and John exchanged a look and had a silent conversation. John had really wanted to take care of Landon himself but he figured that this time it was Roberts turn. Like a passing of a torch so to speak. He had given Lexie's protection to her future husband, he had earned that much. John stood up and motioned for Robert to step outside the room with him.  
  
"Is our problem fixed?" John asked in a quiet voice.  
  
"Carter, I think you have watched one too many mob movies. But to answer your question, yes, the problem had been taken care of. God help him if he should ever try that again."  
  
Carter nodded. "I wonder if he will call the cops." Robert shook his head.  
  
"I wouldn't count on it. He isn't stupid; he knows that if he does he will go down for the attack on Lexie. I would say that we have seen the last of him."  
  
"Robert!" Lexie yelled from the room and both men turned around to look at her through the window. She had her arms crossed and was glaring at them both.  
  
"Why is it that I am suddenly more afraid of your sister than I ever was of Landon?"  
  
Carter shook his head. "I don't know but my money is on her if it happens." Robert nodded and walked back in to face the music. 


	27. Do I scare you?

WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING  
  
*****This chapter is rated R for sexual content and really strong language. You have been warned now enjoy *******  
  
Lexie lay in her hospital bed and tried to sleep. Robert and John had taken Max back to the hotel so the little guy could attempt to get some sleep. Robert had wanted to stay but she knew that Max had created some weird attachment to him and would only cry if he weren't with him. John had offered to stay all so but Lexie knew that he hadn't had any sleep in more than 24 hours and he wouldn't get any good sleep in a hospital chair.  
  
The hospital staff had been given strict instructions that if Landon showed up to call the police immediately. They had her registered under a false name and a guard was stationed outside her door just in case. Robert wasn't taking any chances this time. Lexie tossed and turned and sat up when there was a gentle knocking on her door. The guard came in first and Jason followed.  
  
"It is fine." Lexie said to him with a smile. She had missed Jason over the years. They had always been close friends and with the exception of one night a few years after they had met, they had never been anything but friends. They had never talked about that night either. It was a moment of weakness on her part. It was during their internship and although her memories about the night were slightly foggy she had pieced it together over the years since. Seeing Jason in front of her now brought back the memories of that night.  
  
"Dr. Romano, you are wrong about his diagnosis and you know it!" She screamed at him.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT OR SO HELP ME GOD THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOU STEP FOOT IN THIS HOSPITAL!" He screamed at her and she threw the chart she was holding down on his desk.  
  
"FINE!" She screamed back and slammed out of the office. Jason ran to catch up to her as she walked out of the ER and headed for the street.  
  
"Lex, don't do this." He begged.  
  
She stopped and looked at him. "I can't take it anymore. He is a sad little man who is slowly trying to kill me. And you know what Jason I don't care anymore. Fuck it, he won!" She turned and walked towards the street, hailing a cab. Jason debated if he should go with her and figured he would risk the punishment.  
  
They ended up at a small bar that most of the college kids went to and Jason sipped his beer as he watched Lexie down one drink after another. He knew she was pretty drunk and the few times he had tried to cut her off from ordering more drinks she had made it clear that he could go fuck himself. "I just don't get how someone like him could possibly be a doctor." She slurred as she took another drink. They had been at the bar for an hour and the conversation had been a one sided rant about Romano and Jason was getting sick of hearing his name. He liked her, really liked her. But he saw what everyone else did, it was only a matter of time before Romano and Lexie would be together. He wasn't stupid, he had seen the longing looks that Romano gave her when he thought no one was looking and the glares that he gave Jason whenever he touched Lexie. Jason had started doing it on purpose just to piss him off. And it always seemed to work. He had felt the tension anytime they were in a room together and it hurt. He had tried to let Lexie know that Romano was not good for her and that she should give someone else a try, someone like himself. But he was always too subtle about it and she missed the meaning.  
  
"You know what? I have half a mind to go over to his house and tell him what I think of his so called teaching methods." She said in an angry slur. Before Jason could react she leaped off the stool and headed for the door. Jason ran to catch up to her but the bartender grabbed him.  
  
"There is a pretty big tab to be settled." Jason grabbed his wallet and gave him his credit card. It seemed to take forever for him to run it and by the time he got out to the street she was gone. He sighed and tried to hail a cab. He knew where she was going and had to stop her before she made a huge mistake. One cab passed after another and he turned and kicked a light post next to him. "DAMN IT!" He yelled.  
  
She pounded her fist on his front door until he opened it. He had been engaging in the same type of drinking marathon she had and was as drunk if not more that her.  
  
"Carter." He simply said.  
  
"I have a few things to say to you Dr. Romano, and you are going to shut up and listen." She said and walked in uninvited. He closed the door and crossed his arms. He knew this was dangerous. He could see she was drunk and he knew that his resolve was very low.  
  
"Ok, go ahead." He said and didn't move. She walked over to him and stood inches away from his face.  
  
"I am not going to quit."  
  
He grinned. "I never asked you to."  
  
She glared at him. "Than why do you insist on being such a prick? Are you afraid I will surpass you? Make you look like a fool? Well don't worry; you are the last thing that is on my mind when I am trying to save someone's life. You are a sad, pathetic, sadistic man who has no joy in his life other than thinking up ways to piss me off. So you see, you are nothing to me because I see right through you."  
  
He dared to step a little closer so his warm, scotch filled breath was on her face. "If I mean so little to you than why are you here?" He said in raspy voice. Their eyes were locked and the tension was stifling.  
  
"To let you know that you don't scare me." Her voice was a quiet calm. Neither dared break eye contact as both heart rates sped up.  
  
"I don't scare you huh?" He hissed and she shook her head. She bit her lip as his hand went to her face and she closed her eyes as his finger trailed down her cheek to her neck. She opened her eyes and met his again as his hand ran down her chest to her clothed breast. "This doesn't scare you?" He hissed again and she stood her ground.  
  
"No, nothing you could do would scare me." He grinned a sadistic smile and his hand moved down her body and ran around to her ass, pulling her body to his and his mouth touched the exposed skin of her neck.  
  
"I bet I could scare you Dr. Carter." He hissed into her ear and she closed her eyes to try to get her body under control. She knew she was playing with fire but she was determined not to let him take control of the situation.  
  
"Give it your best shot Dr. Romano." She said in a husky voice that sent a shiver down his spine. Her body betrayed her as her head fell to the side to allow his tongue to trace her neck and his teeth to bite softly on the sensitive skin behind her ear. A soft moan escaped her lips and that only pushed him deeper into their game.  
  
"You want my hands on your body don't you Dr. Carter?" He hissed as his hand pushed her ass with merciful precision to his body, pushing his erection harder into her. "You want my mouth to taste your skin, to feel me thrusting into you. You are begging for it. Begging for someone to fuck you like you deserve to be fucked. To have you begging for more and wanting it never to stop." His lips were on her neck again and he knew he had to stop but he was finally indulging in a fantasy that had become a part of his daily life.  
  
She stood with her hands at her side, desperate to touch him, to feel his powerful hands on her body. To experience all of the things he has said to her. But she wouldn't let him win. This was more than a sexual conquest, it was a power play. The dance had begun months ago and this was the final showdown. She would win or she would never be able to face herself again. He knew he had control over her and even though that should have made him happy all it did was make him want her more. To hear her moaning his name as she begged him not to stop. To feel her lips on his body, her tongue exploring his skin. And although she put up the tough act she wanted nothing more than to relinquish control to him. To know that she was at his mercy and would do anything he asked.  
  
A pounding on the door broke the moment and they locked eyes again before he walked over and opened the door. Jason pushed into the room and grabbed Lexie's arm, pulling her out with him. Not a word was spoken as he took her home and put her to bed. She had never been so turned on in her life and as Jason stood to go she grabbed his hand. He knew that it wasn't him she wanted but he wanted her enough for it not to matter. She closed her eyes and as the orgasm ripped through her it was Robert's face she saw behind her closed eyes. After he left she passed out. They had all pretended that it had never happened. And now Lexie actually blushed as she looked at Jason, 10 years older, but still the look of love shown on his face when he looked at her.  
  
"How are you doing?" He asked and sat on the corner of the bed. She nodded.  
  
"I feel fine, a little sore but fine." He nodded and wrote a note on her chart.  
  
"I see no reason to keep you here more than a day or so." The truth was that he wanted to spend some time with her. It was obvious that she was with Romano now and he would take whatever time he could get with her. She had always been his "what if". His wife hated Lexie and had never even met her but she knew that Jason secretly wished that it were Lexie he had married instead of her. That had been one of the contributing factors for the divorce. That and the long hours he spent at work had driven her into another man's bed. Jason smiled at Lexie.  
  
"Are you truly happy Lex?" He whispered and looked away.  
  
Lexie nodded. "Yes, I really am." Jason nodded.  
  
"Ok, I will come by and see you in the morning." He dared to lean down and kiss her on the cheek and left. Lexie felt badly, she knew that he had always had feelings for her but it had never been there for her. She had loved one man for most of her life and she had to follow heart even then.  
  
"Dr. Carter, you are looking far to beautiful. You are going to make the staff go crazy and accidentally kill patients." Robert smiled at her from the door.  
  
"Who is with Max?" She asked concerned. Robert rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well I missed you too." He walked over and kissed her. "He is fast asleep with Carter. I got them both coco and cookies and made sure they both brushed their teeth before I tucked them into bed." Lexie smiled at him.  
  
Robert walked over and she moved over so he could lie down next to her. Jason walked back into her room to see her one last time and his heart sank when he saw she and Romano asleep, his arms wrapped protectively around her. Although it broke his heart he knew that she was where she was supposed to be. 


	28. She said

"Sorry for the interruption." Dr. Fitzpatrick said as he hung up the phone on his desk and walked back over to where Lexie sat waiting. "So where were we?" He looked down at his notes. "You were talking about what caused you and Robert to separate." Lexie nodded. "Please go on."  
  
"I guess I never really expected him to let me leave. I guess I expected that the love that is between us would be enough to hold us together and would always be enough to see us through any situation."  
  
"And now you find that not to be the case?" Lexie nodded. "You were telling me about the your attack. How did that affect your relationship?"  
  
"It seemed to bring us closer together. Robert seemed to only focus on making sure that Max, the baby and I were safe. He did everything he could to help Max settle into our home. And Max seemed to take everything in stride and adjusted pretty smoothly. I took a few weeks off to rest and for a time everything seemed to be working."  
  
"And then something changed?" She nodded.  
  
"He started coming home later and later at night. And he never seemed to smile anymore. I tried to talk to him about it but he would always tell me that everything was fine when I could see that it clearly wasn't."  
  
"And you mentioned something about his drinking. How did that play into the relationship?"  
  
"He had slowed down considerably. And then it started to be an issue again. He would start to drink when he got home and would have his last drink before he went to bed. Before he would drink but he would never get drunk. And then he started coming home drunker and drunker each night until it got to the point that it scared me that he was driving. So I put my foot down. Either he stops the drinking and try to get help or I would leave. I wasn't going to raise my children in that environment."  
  
Dr. Fitzpatrick nodded. "How was his temperament through out it all? Did he get angry or violent?"  
  
"He never got violent but he would blow up at me or Max occasionally. Usually it was over something stupid but it would set him off."  
  
"Give me an example."  
  
"How about the night we left him?" The doctor nodded  
  
Lexie sat at the kitchen table sipping a glass of juice. Dinner had been ready for over an hour and there had still not been any sign of Robert. He had started coming home later and later and she was getting tired of it. He was drinking more and more and she was starting to worry. She put her hand on her enlarged belly and sighed. This wasn't Robert. This wasn't the man that she had loved for so many years. He was a man that was falling apart silently and she had no idea how to save him. She heard his car pull into the garage and she took a deep breath. She had no idea which Robert she would have the pleasure of spending the evening with.  
  
He walked in and set his briefcase down on the table. "Hey." He mumbled and she closed her eyes for a second. It would be angry, drunk Robert.  
  
"You ready for dinner?" Lexie asked as she pulled herself out of the chair.  
  
"I figured you would have already eaten." He had a slight slur in his words. She shook her head.  
  
"We were waiting for you." He nodded and walked into the living room to the bar and poured himself a drink. "Don't you think that maybe you have had enough?" He turned and glared at her.  
  
"I don't really remember asking for your opinion on the subject." She raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
"I didn't think I needed an invitation to express my opinion."  
  
He took a drink. "Yeah well, maybe it would be nice if just once you would keep your opinion to yourself."  
  
She turned around and walked into the kitchen to get Max some dinner.  
  
"Daddy!" Max yelled as he ran into the kitchen and into Robert's arms. Max was so desperate for a family that he had taken to calling them mommy and daddy and Lexie wasn't sure that was a good idea or not. She didn't want him to forget Sara but she did want him to feel like this was his home now. Robert set him down and Max looked up at him with sad eyes. That was what always broke Lexie's heart. When Robert was in a good mood he would spend hours with Max. They would play or Robert would tell Max stories but when he was in a pissy mood he would treat him like an annoyance.  
  
They sat down to dinner and no one talked. The tension was almost palpable and Lexie wanted to scream just to break the quiet. Max decided to do that for her. His little hand reached for his milk and the glass tipped, smashing as it hit the table and milk ran everywhere.  
  
"Fuck!" Robert yelled as he leaped up. The milk had run off the table and on to his pants. Lexie closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.  
  
"What is wrong with you? Why can't you do anything right?" He yelled at Max who started to sniff back the tears. Max leaped off his chair and ran upstairs. Lexie just looked at Robert with shock on her face and got up and went after him. Robert walked away from the table to his study slamming the door behind him.  
  
Lexie knocked softly on Max's door and walked in. He was lying on his bed crying. She walked over and pulled him into her arms. "Shhh, it is ok." Max sniffed back his tears.  
  
"I sorry. I be better if that what Daddy want." She shook her head.  
  
"No, you should try to be more careful but Daddy was wrong to yell at you like that." Max looked up at her with big eyes.  
  
"Is this when Daddy hits you?" Lexie's heart shattered.  
  
"No, this Daddy won't ever hit. No matter what happens."  
  
Lexie sat with Max until he cried himself to sleep then she tucked him in and shut his door as she left the room. She walked into the master bedroom and Robert was lying on the bed.  
  
"Lexie, I ." She cut him off.  
  
"No, Robert. You listen to me." She was still facing away from him. "I don't know what is going on with you and God knows that you won't let me in to try to help. So you have chosen to deal with this yourself and I think it is time that you start dealing with it the right way and not by drinking yourself into a coma every night and treating us like shit every day. If you want to destroy your life there is nothing that I can do to change that." She turned to face him and he saw more anger and hurt in her eyes than he ever imagined he would. "But if you ever talk to our children like that again I swear to God that will be the last time you have the chance to. That little boy is so lost and confused and all he wants is for us to love him. Do you know that he just asked me if this is when you hit me? Do you!?" Robert looked down. He felt terrible. No that didn't begin to describe how he was feeling.  
  
"You have a choice to make Robert. You can choose the bottle or us. I am not going to raise them like this. I am not going to raise them in fear. So take all the time you need to figure out what you want."  
  
"Well for one I would like you to be less dramatic. So I have a few drinks every once and a while, big deal. You have everything that you want. Why can't you just shut up and let me have the one comfort that I have left." He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He was angry with himself and with her, but mostly at himself. She turned around and walked out the door to their bedroom slamming it behind her.  
  
"And then you left?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, I slept in the guest room that night and he was gone when I woke up. I packed our stuff and Max and I went to my Grandmother's house."  
  
"Has he tried to get in touch with you since then?"  
  
"No, it has been almost two weeks and I haven't heard a word from him." The psychologist nodded.  
  
"I hate to do this but our time is up Lexie. We will get into this in more depth next time." She nodded. They stood and she made another appointment before she left and drove to her Grandmother house again.  
  
**** I need feedback! Please I live for reviews! ******* 


	29. He said

"I am sure that you think that I am an asshole." Robert said and looked down.  
  
"No, I think that you are going through a tough time and are taking out your anger in the wrong way."  
  
"I have no idea what to say."  
  
"Well, why don't you try telling me the truth about what is really going on."  
  
Robert took a deep breath. " I am feeling a lot of pressure. My job has always been stressful. Everyone expects me to be the strong one, to take care of everything and sometimes it seems like no one understands that I don't have all of the answers."  
  
"No one really thinks that you have all of the answers."  
  
"Maybe they don't but I have always been the one that fixed the problems."  
  
"And now you don't feel in control." Robert nodded slowly. "Do you want to talk about the drinking?"  
  
"Not really but I will. I don't like to drink. I hate the way it tastes and smells. I hate everything about it but how it makes me feel. I really didn't start drinking so much on purpose. It just seemed that the more I drank the easier the problems seemed to get. Maybe it did get out of control. But I never meant for it to. And I never meant to say the things that I did. I could not bear to think that Max is afraid of me. He is the sweetest little kid I have ever met and I just wish that I could do what ever it took to make him feel safe. But I don't know how. I don't have the answers and that pisses me off."  
  
"Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't want anything but love from you?"  
  
"I know that he may think that but he needs more than that. He needs a role model. And I am no role model. I have been alone all of my life and now I have a family to take care of." He paused and took a drink of the water that sat next to him. "How do I do that? How do I tell a 2 year old that I don't know what to do to make him feel safe?"  
  
"Have you thought that all you have to do is try? No one has all of the answers. We just do what ever we think is right and hope that it works out. What else is going on with you?"  
  
"My mom is sick. She was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and it doesn't look good."  
  
"Why didn't you say anything about it?"  
  
"Everyone has so much going on that I didn't want to bother anyone. Besides there is nothing that anyone can do. I just need to deal with it."  
  
"That seems a little unfair don't you think?"  
  
"No, I think it is the fairest thing I could do right now. There is so much stress that I don't need to add to it."  
  
"So what do you want to do?"  
  
"I want my family back. I want to slow down on the drinking. I want to get married and raise the kids the best that I possibly can. But it just doesn't seem to be possible." Robert looked up again. "So tell me how to fix it."  
  
"You can start being honest. No one is going to fault you for weakness. It takes more strength to admit you need help than to torture yourself."  
  
Robert nodded. "Thanks for seeing me on short notice."  
  
Dr. Fitzpatrick smiled at him. "I was surprised that you called me at all."  
  
Robert stood and shook his hand. He would win Lexie back and get his life straight; he just had no idea how. 


	30. I thought you would never ask

Lexie walked out of the hotel and hailed a cab. She wanted to be anywhere else than where she was right now. She was back in New York, back in the same hotel headed for the same ballroom. Ed Chapman was finally retiring and Lexie was one of his honored guests at the farewell party. She had spoken to Jason a few days earlier and he had assured her that Robert would not be attending. He had too much going on in Chicago to fly out. Lexie had debated whether she should go or not. She was into her seventh month of the pregnancy and was more depressed than she could imagine she could be. She missed him. She felt like a part of her heart had been ripped out and nothing she did would make her feel better. Max was going through some sort of phase since they had moved in with her Grandmother. He had become very attached to John but he was constantly asking for Robert. Robert would call Max once a week and he always asked her how she was and if she needed anything but never once did he ask her to come home. She felt the tears start again and took a deep breath to stop them. She had a happy face to put on for the party and she couldn't fool anyone if her make up was running down her face.  
  
Robert stood at the bar sipping a club soda. He had no idea why he was there. Granted Ed Chapman was one of the best teachers he had ever had but this room held too many memories for him. Everywhere he looked reminded him of her. He kept expecting to see her walking down the stairs but she wasn't. She was back in Chicago with Max. Jason had made a special call to him to be sure that he would be there. He had heard from someone that he and Lexie had split up and Robert was sure that Jason couldn't wait to make his move. He knew that Jason had always loved her but Robert wasn't ready to give her up that easy. He had taken the past few weeks to get his life under control. He had stopped drinking, slowed down and made sure that his mother had the best possible care. He planned to beg Lexie to come home when he got back to Chicago. He didn't know if she would take him back but he would do what ever it took. He closed his eyes and his thoughts went back to the night of the Christmas party years ago. She looked so amazing as she made her way down the stairs. He had so many mixed emotions that night. He was too proud to do anything that would hurt his precious career but she had broken through that wall that night. He hadn't cared about anything other than holding her and he smiled at what a sap he had become since then. He opened his eyes as he took another drink of his soda and he caught a flash of nostalgia out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't help but grin. He didn't think it was possible but she looked even more amazing than she had that night. Maybe it was the years of experience or the fact that she was very obviously carrying his child, but he knew that it was because he had missed her. And how he had missed her. He walked over and met her surprised expression at the bottom step.  
  
"You?" She said quietly.  
  
"Me." He said with a nod. He put his hand out. "May I have this dance?"  
  
He saw her stiffen. "I don't know if that would be a good idea."  
  
"Lexie, give me a chance. I have a few things that I have to tell you."  
  
Her pride started to rear its ugly head but she pushed it back. She loved him and if they were ever going to have a chance at a life together she would have to let go of her pride. She accepted his hand and he led her to the dance floor. They danced in silence for a second and then she pulled back slightly.  
  
"What did you want to say?" She asked with a slight amount of ice in her voice. He had expected this and took it in stride.  
  
"First of all, I wanted to tell you that you were right. I was hiding from reality in a scotch bottle. I was so freaked out about being a good husband and father that I forgot to be a good husband and father. And Lexie, I still want the chance to be both. I want to marry you and raise the boys together. I want a life together with you. If I can't make it work with you than I may as well go hide under a rock because you are the love of my life. I can't imagine not waking up next to you everyday." Lexie started to say something and he cut her off. "There is more. I have been seeing Jeff Fitzpatrick. And even though I don't want to admit it, it has helped. I have stopped drinking. I am not saying that I will never have a drink again but I will never have a drink to hide again. And I won't hide from you either."  
  
Lexie smiled at him. "Can I say something now?" He nodded. "I love you." She whispered and kissed him. They both knew that their problems were far from solved but they would have a better chance of working them out if they had the other one to lean on.  
  
He smiled back at her. "So will you and Max please come home now?"  
  
"I thought you would never ask." She said with a grin and he kissed her.  
  
He pulled back at his look turned serious. "There is something else Lex. Something that I didn't want to bother you with." She seemed instantly concerned. "My mother is sick. The doctors don't know how long she has left but they aren't holding out much hope." Her face fell.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
He shook his head. "You didn't need the added stress."  
  
"Robert."  
  
"No Lex, there is nothing that anyone can do. My mom lives in Washington State now and I would just be in the way if I went there."  
  
"I didn't know that you even talked to your mom anymore. You have never mentioned her."  
  
"We aren't what you would call close. We used to be but after my father died we drifted apart. My dad was the one who kept the family together and after he was gone it seemed to be too painful to be together."  
  
"But Robert, this could be your last chance to see her. We need to go. I am not going to take no for an answer either."  
  
Robert smiled at her. He had missed her so much. "Ok, we can fly out tomorrow. I want her to meet Max anyway." Robert paused for a minute. "Where is Max Lexie?"  
  
"I left him with my family. Between the staff and John he stays pretty amused." Robert nodded. "But we can fly back and get him and then go on to Washington."  
  
"Ok, but for tonight I just want to be with you."  
  
Lexie smiled. "That sounds good to me."  
  
They danced for what seemed like hours. Both knew that they still had a rough road ahead but for one night they just wanted to take each other in. Robert looked across the room as they danced and caught sight of Jason. He was smiling at them and Robert looked at Lexie again. "Jason told me that you were not going to be here, what changed your mind?"  
  
Lexie looked at him in amusement. "He told me the same about you." They both smiled at each other.  
  
"Damn it." Robert mumbled and Lexie laughed. "Now I actually owe the kid." Lexie nodded. Jason had played their fairy godmother that night. It was the one way that he knew to show Lexie that he loved her.  
  
*******FEEDBACK***FEEDBACK***FEEDBACK***FEEDBACK******  
  
(See, I am not too proud to beg! Come on, I need to self esteem boost BADLY!) 


	31. The connection

"John." Lexie said with some urgency in her voice and he was instantly worried.  
  
"What happened Barbara?"  
  
She laughed. "Nothing, well something but it isn't bad. I promise to tell you all about it later but right now I need a favor."  
  
"Ok, what?"  
  
"I need for you to pack a bag for Max and bring him to Midway."  
  
Carter was confused. "And then what? Drop him off? What is with the cloak and dagger stuff?"  
  
Lexie laughed again. "It is nothing like that. We are headed to the airport right now and we have a connecting flight in about two hours. So I need him to be at the gate."  
  
"Ok, hold on, a connecting flight to where? And who is we?"  
  
"Tacoma and Robert." She answered in a rush.  
  
"You and he made up?" John asked skeptically.  
  
"No, we are still fighting and he has kidnapped me and brain washed me into giving him Max also." She said sarcastically.  
  
John sighed. "A simple yes would have sufficed Barbi."  
  
She laughed. "Sorry. Can you bring him John?"  
  
Carter shrugged at the phone. "What am I gonna say, no?"  
  
Lexie gave him the gate information and Carter went to get Max's stuff together. He wasn't sure how he felt about Romano and his sister getting back together. On one side he wanted her to be happy. And to everyone's surprise he seemed to make her truly happy. But the person who had known Romano for too many years came out in him. He had never liked the guy. He had nothing in common with him and really had no desire to find out if maybe they could even get along. But he had no choice. He wanted some sort of normal family life and if Romano would help him to achieve that than he would grin and bear it. And if Romano could give Barbara and the kids a good, happy life than he could try to get along with him. He had no idea what had caused the fight between them. Barbara had been very private with details and John knew that she was probably protecting Romano. But he knew that they loved each other and so for now he would let it go.  
  
He got Max's stuff and then went to find Max. He was swimming in the pool with Gamma sitting under the shade of an umbrella watching him. Gamma was instantly in love with the little boy. He reminded her of Bobby when he was at that age and she decided that she would spoil her first great grandchild rotten. Max was bobbing around with his swim floats on and was dying to go under water but Gamma was not about to take that chance until a proper swim instructor was called out to teach him everything he needed to know.  
  
"Hey Kiddo." John called out as he walked along the path to the pool. He walked over and kissed his grandmother on the cheek and then knelt down next to the pool.  
  
"Cawter, swim, swim!" He yelled back. John shook his head.  
  
"Sorry buddy, your mom just called and you are going on a trip."  
  
"Barbara called?" John nodded at Gamma. "Well what did she say?"  
  
John shrugged. "Not a lot, just that she and Romano are picking Max up on their way to Tacoma."  
  
"Tacoma? What is in Tacoma? And she and Robert are back together?"  
  
"I am just as in the dark as you are. I was just asked to get Max to the airport in about an hour."  
  
Gamma made a disapproving face and John put his hands up. "Hey, don't kill the messenger."  
  
John got Max out of the pool, gave him a bath and took him to the airport. They had a few minutes before Barbara and Robert's flight arrived so John bought Max a toy in the gift shop and helped him open it.  
  
"Is Daddy commin?" Max asked with hope in his eyes.  
  
"Yep, both your mom and your dad." John was not sure how comfortable he was with referring to them as his parents but Barbara had assured him that the psychologist had given it his seal of approval.  
  
"John!" Barbara called to him as she and Romano made their way down the concourse. Max heard her voice and leaped up.  
  
"MOMMY!" He yelled and ran to her. She pulled him into her arms and hugged him tight. Carter walked over and handed Max's bag to Romano and the two men exchanged a nod.  
  
Lexie put Max down and Robert picked him up. "How is my guy?" He asked and Max giggled.  
  
"I missed you daddy."  
  
"I missed you more." Robert hugged him tight and kissed his forehead. "You ready to go meet my mommy?" John looked at Barbara and she smiled at him.  
  
"Long story." John nodded in response. "Thank you so much for bringing him and for taking care of him for me. I owe you big time."  
  
"Yes you do." John laughed. "Ok, well, you guys have fun and call me once you are settled in." He looked at his sister to let her know that she was going to have to tell him everything.  
  
"I will." She replied and her eyes told him that she would fill him in as soon as she could.  
  
Robert caught the exchange and was surprised that he felt a pang of jealousy. Carter and Lexie had always been close and at times they seemed to be able to read each other's minds and he had noticed that they almost seemed to be able to have entire conversations without saying a word.  
  
Their flight was called and John shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, I guess that is you guys. Have a safe trip." He ruffled Max's hair and smiled at his sister.  
  
"Thanks again sibling." He nodded and walked away.  
  
"Ready?" Robert asked and she nodded. She was about to meet the woman that had made Robert Romano who he is. 


	32. Home is where the heart is

Margaret Romano was nothing like Lexie expected her to be. She expected to meet a very cold and proper woman who lived in a house that was more like a museum than a home. So Lexie felt nothing but surprise, as they pulled up to the small two-story house that sat hidden by acres and acres of vineyards. Lexie smiled at Robert's nervousness as they took the bags from the trunk and walked up the stairs to the porch that wrapped around most of the house with Max running up ahead of them and leaping onto the porch swing. Lexie looked at Robert as he rang the doorbell and she could see that he was starting to freak out. She reached down and took his hand in hers, smiling at him in reassurance.  
  
A dower old man answered the door, staring at Robert with no hint of recognition on his face. He reminded Lexie of the scary old man that lived down the street from her as she grew up. He never came outside and always kept the drapes closed. The kids would make up stories about him to frighten the others into going back on the dares that they always gave each other. But it was taking everything in Lexie's power not to laugh now as her mind egged her on. "Yeah, I could take him." She thought to herself and stifled a laugh. Robert glanced at her and she pulled herself together.  
  
"May I help you?" The man asked in a monotone voice.  
  
"Yes, we are here to see Margaret."  
  
The man looked at him suspiciously. Ever since the word of her inevitable passing had started to spread people had started calling and showing up to try to convince her to help them financially with the vast estate she had accrued over the years. And he was sure that these were distant relatives that were looking for the same.  
  
"May I tell Mrs. Romano whom is calling?"  
  
Robert cleared his throat. "Uh, yes, tell her that her son and his family are here to see her."  
  
The older man looked at Robert and a smile started to appear. "Yes, now I recognize you from your photos. Please come in. I know that Maggie will be happy to see that you have come."  
  
They walked inside and Max stared up in interest at the old man. He should have been scared by his dower expression but he found him fascinating. The two stared at each other and finally the man nodded at Max and he nodded back. Lexie had no idea what had happened between them but Max seemed to be totally at ease with him. He led them into the parlor and asked them to sit down. Lexie took in her surroundings. The room was done beautifully in soft colors and warm highlights, not at all what she figured it would look like. There were some modern pieces in the room and then some that were obviously very old. Lexie felt relaxed and at home right away. Max walked slowly over to the train set that sat on a shelf in the corner. He seemed mesmerized by it and Robert walked over and scooped him up.  
  
"This was mine when I was about your age." Max stared at him with wide eyes. He couldn't understand that his daddy had ever been his age. "Later on we can get it down and play with it. Would you like to do that?" Max nodded dramatically.  
  
The older man returned with a tray of drinks and cookies for Max and nodded as he set them down. "Maggie will be in a minute." Robert nodded to the man.  
  
They sat in an uncomfortable silence while they waited for her arrival. Max studied the room, silently touching the items with a ginger touch. Lexie was on guard, waiting for him to break something but Robert's feeling of interest radiated to her and she felt as ease. It was a new experience to see his new son showing interest in the toys and bobbles that had always caught his attention as a child and he couldn't help but smile as Max tilted his head and studied the glass bottle with a small ship incased in it. He has spent many hours as a child trying to figure out how it got in there and Max's curiosity brought back all of the memories.  
  
"My goodness Robert!" Maggie Romano exclaimed as she walked slowly into the room. Robert turned to her, walking to her to embrace his mother. "If I had known you would be coming I would have gotten the house ready but I am glad that you are here anyway." Lexie studied the older woman. She had a kind face. Lexie had expected her to be stern and cold but she reminded Lexie of a kindly old grandmother from a Norman Rockwell portrait. Maggie pulled back from Robert's embrace and smiled at Lexie who stood to greet her.  
  
"Mrs. Romano, I am Lexie Carter. It is a pleasure to meet you." Maggie studied her and smiled.  
  
"Robert, she is just as lovely as you described her."  
  
Lexie smiled at Robert. "You described me to her?"  
  
Robert nodded. "Yes, my son used to rant and rave about the woman that was driving him mad at the hospital but I always knew that there was love behind his angry words."  
  
Lexie raised her eyebrows at Robert. "You ranted to your mother about me?" He grinned back at her.  
  
"Yes my dear. I knew he loved you way back then but he was to pig headed to realize it."  
  
"Well I have fixed that now so there is no need to discuss it now." Robert cut her off.  
  
Lexie looked at him chastising. "Mrs. Romano, you have a beautiful house."  
  
Maggie smiled. "Please call me Maggie. Mrs. Romano was my mother in law and she wasn't a very pleasant person." Lexie laughed but Robert stood stone faced. "And who is this little guy?" She asked referring to Max who stood shyly staring at her.  
  
"I'm Max." He said proudly and she stuck out her hand to shake his. He put his small hand in hers and giggled.  
  
"Good to meet you Max. What would you like to call me?" Maggie asked and Max looked seriously at her as he contemplated it.  
  
"Well Billy at school has a grandma who is like you."  
  
"Would you like to call me Grandma?"  
  
He nodded. "I have a Gamma too. Is that ok?" He seemed concerned as to not offend her. She smiled and pulled him into a hug.  
  
"That is just fine with me." He relaxed and hugged her back. She let him go but held onto his small hand. "Well, why don't we get you settled into your rooms. I will have to put fresh linen on the beds but you may have the pick of rooms." She led Max up stairs and Lexie held back with Robert a few steps.  
  
"Robert, she is great." He nodded and grabbed their bags walking up the stairs. Maggie led them to their first stop, Robert's old childhood room. Max ran in and jumped on the bed. Lexie gave him a warning look and Maggie just laughed.  
  
"Oh that is fine. It has been far too long since that bed has been jumped on." Max grinned at his new grandma and kept jumping. Robert led Lexie down the hall to the second largest bedroom and pushed the door open. Lexie felt instantly uncomfortable. At their house it was fine to sleep in the same bed but here it felt wrong. Robert turned to her, sensing her hesitation.  
  
"I think she has figured out that we have had sex Lex." He said pointing to her belly.  
  
"I know but it just seems weird." Robert set their luggage down as if to prove his point. Maggie walked in and smiled.  
  
"Don't worry my dear. I am not one of these old fashion types. My husband, God rest his soul, and I slept together before we got married too." Robert shut his suitcase with some force and walked into the adjoining bathroom, slamming the door.  
  
"I, uh. I guess he is just tired from the trip." Lexie said uncomfortably trying to cover for his rude behavior.  
  
Maggie shook her head. "No, that is just how Robert is around me now. But no worries. Why don't you kids get settled and then meet me downstairs and you can explain everything to me over some tea." Lexie smiled at the kind woman.  
  
"I would love that." Maggie touched her arm and smiled at her again.  
  
"And Lexie, I can't tell you how happy I am that you are here. I have waited a very long time to meet the woman who stole my son's heart, I knew that I would someday; I just wish it could have been sooner. But none the less I am happy it has happened." Lexie smiled and started unpacking as Maggie went downstairs to prepare the tea.  
  
****** Ok so it took some time for me to post but I am willing to be bribed into continuing with reviews. NUDGE NUDGE WI K WINK! ******** 


	33. Romance or Irony?

Lexie stirred a small amount of sugar into her tea and looked up at Maggie who sat smiling at her.  
  
"I know that I have said it a thousand times already but I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you two finally together."  
  
Lexie smiled. "Did he really talk about me?"  
  
Maggie nodded. "Yes. As a matter of fact we had a discussion right before he got married about you."  
  
Lexie raised an eyebrow at her. "Really? What did he say?"  
  
Maggie looked into the living room where Robert was asleep on the sofa with Max laying on his chest to make sure he wouldn't over hear their conversation.  
  
Robert stared out the window at the light dusting of snow that had fallen over night. He hated the snow. It always made everything so much harder to do and he just wished for once things could be easy. He missed her. He had told himself over and over that this was the best thing, the right thing to do. He just wished he could convince his heart. He took a sip of his coffee and looked out at the landscape in front of him. A tap on his shoulder made him jump and he turned and smiled at the woman who stood behind him.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts." She said and he smiled at her.  
  
"Oh I am afraid you wouldn't get your moneys worth on that one." He said laughing.  
  
"Try me." He grinned at her and walked over to the sofa. "Thinking about the wedding?" She asked and he shook his head as he took another sip of the bitter liquid. "Well, are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?" She said with a playful smile and sat down next to him on the sofa. He stared ahead and then turned to her so his whole body faced her.  
  
"How do you know when you have found the right person?"  
  
She grinned at him. "Having cold feet are we?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, nothing like that." He turned and faced forward again.  
  
She slid over and put her hand on his knee. "Robert, what are we really talking about?" She asked quietly.  
  
He smiled at her. "Is there such a thing as true love? Is it really possible to find that one person that the word love doesn't even begin to describe the feeling you have? And if you are lucky enough to find her is it possible that it can really last forever?" He turned and faced her as he finished.  
  
She looked at him with love in her eyes and she nodded. "Yes, all of those things are possible. And if you are lucky enough to find it you have to grab hold of it and not let go. People have spent lifetimes looking for anything that remotely resembles that and die never knowing what it is like to feel totally loved." She got up and walked over to the window and looked out. "Robert," She said and turned around. "We aren't talking about Donna are we?" She said and he thought about lying to her but he knew he couldn't. He shook his head and looked at the coffee mug in his hands. She walked over and sat down in the chair next to him. "Your mind is back in New York isn't it?" She asked and he nodded. "Are you in love with her?" He looked up at his mother and grinned as he nodded his head. "Then what are you doing here?"  
  
He stood up and walked back to the window. "It is complicated."  
  
Maggie stood up and walked over to him. "So. The best things in life usually are." He shook his head. "Is she in love with you?" She asked quietly and he looked at her.  
  
"I think so." He said quietly.  
  
"Then go to her, fight for her. Robert, don't make a mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life." He shook his head and looked out again. "Don't do the safe thing for once. All I want is to see you happy and to be honest I have never seen your eyes light up like they did just a minute ago. Robert," She touched his chin and pulled his face to look at her. "Follow you heart for once and go sweep her off of her feet." They stood staring out the window in silence.  
  
There was a knocking at the door and she looked at him and went to open it. "Hey, you ready man?" his best man asked and he nodded.  
  
Maggie stopped him as he was walking out the door. "Robert, I love you, but mark my words, one day you will look back on the choices you made out of fear and feel a regret like you have known before."  
  
He kissed her cheek. "It's time mom." He said and she took his arm and led her to the church. Lexie was his past and although the thought of leaving her in the past left him with a feeling of not being able to breath he had no choice.  
  
Lexie looked at Maggie and shook her head.  
  
"What my dear?" She asked and laid her hand on Lexie's.  
  
"I was on a plane when that all took place." She said quietly and looked up to meet Maggie's gaze.  
  
"I don't understand." Maggie stated simply.  
  
"Well..." Lexie began.  
  
Lexie stepped out of the car and looked up at the huge house before her. It had been years since she had been there and the frightened child inside of her wanted to get back in the cab and go back to the airport. The front door opened and she smiled. "Barbi," her Grandfather said and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her.  
  
"Hi Poppy." She said as he kissed her head.  
  
"Well come in before you catch your death out here." He led her inside and they sat down in the study. "Ok, so fill me in on what is going on. You were so vague on the phone."  
  
She looked down and smiled. "I am about to do something extremely selfish. And it could blow up in my face but I have no choice." She looked up at him and he smiled.  
  
"Robert?" he asked and she nodded.  
  
"I love him." She whispered  
  
"Ok, so what is the problem? He doesn't love you?"  
  
She shrugged. " I don't know. But I have to at least tell him right? If not I will always wonder what could have been."  
  
Her Grandfather stood and walked over to the bar, pouring himself a drink. "Maybe you would wonder, but maybe that would be better than the reality. I have actually met Dr. Romano. He seems very polite but Barbi; he has a reputation for being a stubborn man. Are you sure you want to be with someone like that?"  
  
She laughed. "It's true, he can be difficult, to say the least. But there is something in him that is so amazingly tender and soft. I know that any relationship we would have would be hard but the way I feel when me looks into my eyes makes me feel like nothing I have ever felt before."  
  
Her Grandfather walked over and sat down next to her. "Barbi, you do know he is getting married right."  
  
She nodded and looked down. "That is why I have to tell him now. I can't let him go without a fight."  
  
The older man smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "Then fight with everything you have."  
  
She looked up at him and grinned. "I love you Poppy." She whispered and he hugged her tight.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Go get prince charming." She laughed and got up.  
  
"Thank you." She said and smiled one last time at him before she ran out the door.  
  
She walked through the lobby of the hotel where the wedding was going to be held. She had no idea if he would be staying there or not but it was her only idea of where to look. She went to the front desk. "Excuse me." She said to the clerk.  
  
"Yes?" he said and she smiled at him.  
  
"I wonder if you could help me. I am looking for Dr. Robert Romano. He is getting married here tomorrow and it is important that I speak to him." The clerk typed the name into the computer and nodded.  
  
"Yes, he is also a guest here. I can't give out the room number though."  
  
She sighed. "Please," she said quietly. "I have to tell him something before he makes the biggest mistake of his life." The clerk smiled at her. He could see the quiet desperation in her eyes and it wasn't hard to figure out what she was going to tell him.  
  
"I'm sorry miss. I can't give out the room number. But, I do know that someone from the wedding party would be able to give you the information and they just happen to be doing the rehearsal dinner in our restaurant tonight." He said and winked at her.  
  
She grinned. 'Thank you." She said and walked to towards the restaurant. She had no idea as to what she was going to say or do. Should she be dramatic and burst through the doors and declare her undying love for him? Or should she pull him aside and quietly explain how she felt? Before she could decide she found herself at the door and peaked inside. There were at least 40 people there and it took her a minute to find him. He was sitting at the end of a table next to a blonde that she figured was Donna.  
  
Robert was not having fun. He didn't like spectacle and he didn't like the tight feeling that was wrapped around his heart. He knew that this was a mistake but he also knew that a life with Lexie would be impossible. She was in love with Landon and he didn't feel right about making her choose. Not to mention he couldn't stand the heartbreak if she rejected him. Donna noticed the look of disgust on his face and leaned over to his ear.  
  
"Would it be possible for you to pretend to be happy for one night?"  
  
He glared at her. "What is that supposed to mean Donna?"  
  
She shrugged. "I know you are a million miles away right now and I am not going to get myself upset by trying to figure out why, so please just smile and act like you want to be here." She hissed. His face shown an angry smile at her and she grinned back at him. She didn't give a shit if he was in love with what's her name in New York. He was going to marry her and that was that. She knew that he had a bright future and she wasn't about to give up the perks that came along with it.  
  
Lexie stood in the back of the restaurant away from view and watched he and Donna whispering into each other's ears. Her heart broke into a million pieces as she saw them smile at each other. He was truly happy and if she loved him she shouldn't try to destroy that. He hadn't made any effort to win her back so who was to say that he even wanted her? All she would do was ruin what was supposed to be a happy occasion for him. She felt the tears burning her eyes and dared to stare at him for one last minute. She turned and walked out of the restaurant.  
  
He looked up as the door closed and saw her hair. He leaped up and walked out after her. He had no idea if it was really her or not but he had to find out. He saw her standing by the bar and he grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him. But it wasn't her. He apologized and looked around. He could have sworn it was her. He had felt her there. He ran out the front door to the street as a huge truck drove past causing the wind to blow his coat open. She was nowhere to be found. Lexie crossed the street as a truck rumbled past and she could finally let the tears flow. She would just have to forget him and go back to Landon. He seemed to be an all right person and he got along with her parents well. She hailed a cab and rode in sadness back to her Grandparents house. Her Grandfather looked up as she walked back into the study.  
  
"That was fast." She nodded and sat down in the chair facing him.  
  
"I never spoke to him. I saw him and his fiancée and they looked so happy that I couldn't do it." She said quietly.  
  
"You did a good thing. I am proud of you." He got up and hugged her. She knew it was the right thing but she just wished it didn't hurt so much. She cried on her Grandfather's shoulder for most of the evening and woke up with a new resolve the next morning. She would do what ever it took to make Landon happy and try to forget Robert. Even though it would be hard as hell. As Robert was talking to his Mother at the church Lexie boarded a plane and swore she would never come back to Chicago.  
  
Maggie sat with her hands covering her mouth. "I don't know whether to cry at the udder irony or at the movie like romance of it all."  
  
Lexie laughed. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be then."  
  
Maggie nodded.  
  
"Uh, can I ask you something that has been bothering me for a while now?" Maggie nodded. "What happened between you and Robert to cause such animosity?"  
  
Maggie took a sip of her tea. "I guess it is time that you know the truth about Robert. Let me get a bottle of wine, I know that you can't drink it but I am going to have to." 


	34. William

Maggie uncorked the bottle of wine and sat back down at the small table in the kitchen. "I don't know how much Robert has told you about his father and I."  
  
Lexie shrugged. "He hasn't told me anything. It always seemed like a sore subject to him so I left it alone."  
  
Maggie nodded and took a drink from her glass. " William was a good man. He was always a hard worker and made sure that his family was taken care of. And in the beginning we were wonderful together. There has never been a more loving man on earth. When Robert was born you had never seen a prouder father. William was a doctor also and he worked long hours but always made sure that he was there for the major events in Robert's life."  
  
Lexie smiled at the image of Robert playing baseball or in a school play. Maggie's words brought her back from her daydream.  
  
"William ran a very successful family practice in Bellingham and for a time everything seemed ideal. But times change and the families started to pursue larger corporate practices due to the insurance changes and William started to fall into a deep depression. Then I got pregnant again. He never really gave any impression on how he felt about it but back in those days abortion wasn't really an option so we were going to go through with the pregnancy. William started drinking excessively and I threatened to leave on more than one occasion. He would stop for a few weeks and then as the bills rolled in he would start up again. Then one night he came home and announced that he was taking us out for dinner. I was thrilled that he was taking an interest in us again so I never saw that he was drunk. We went to dinner and he continued to drink but we were having a nice time so I left it alone."  
  
Lexie physically shivered at the thought of what was to come. And she didn't fail to realize the mirroring of her life and Maggie's.  
  
"I am afraid to ask what happened next." Lexie said in a hushed voice.  
  
Maggie smiled a sad smile. "We hit an elderly couple head on. They both died instantly. We were rushed to the hospital. William was fine other than a few cuts and bruises but Robert had to have pins put in his leg and have his spleen removed."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"I lost the baby. I was into my 6th month and it devastated us all. But I had to be strong for Robert. William on the other hand sank deeper into a depression. He lost his medical license and was facing jail time and by the time Robert came home from the hospital he had locked himself in the attic with his scotch and a gun."  
  
Lexie found herself fighting back the tears in her eyes. That could have easily been Robert. "Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband. But I loved Robert more. So I left. I couldn't let him watch his father kill himself."  
  
"What happened to William?" Lexie asked afraid of the answer.  
  
"His business partner found him that night. He had shot himself in the head and bled to death."  
  
Lexie closed her eyes as the tears trickled down her cheek.  
  
"That was about the time that Robert started to shut down. He would never say it but he blamed me for leaving. In his mind if we had stayed we could have saved him but I knew the reality. No one could have saved him." Maggie poured another glass of wine and took a large drink.  
  
"What happened after that?" Lexie asked in shock.  
  
"I went on with my life eventually. Robert closed down all of his emotions little by little. He had worshiped the ground his father walked on and I am sure that even though he knows the truth now he still blames me. He would never say it out loud but I see it in his eyes."  
  
Lexie sat back stunned. She had always guessed that Robert had some pretty big demons lurking in his heart but her imagination paled in comparison to the truth.  
  
"And you and he never talked about it?" Maggie shook her head.  
  
"No, we have a Romano tradition of wiping things under the rug when we don't want to deal with them. I think Robert felt that if he never let his emotion come through he would never hurt like he did that night. He didn't worry about the loneliness of his life or the damage he could do to others, he just never wanted to care about anyone again."  
  
"And what about you? Did you ever remarry?"  
  
"I had a long-term companion for almost 15 years and Robert refused to even acknowledge his existence. He died four years ago and Robert wouldn't even fly out for his funeral. So our relationship has always been one that is based on the fact that I am his mother, never out of love but of responsibility."  
  
Lexie didn't know if she wanted to go wake Robert up and hug him or strangle him.  
  
Maggie could sense her emotional conflict and touched her hand again. "But you changed that in him. I saw something in his eyes that I hadn't seen in almost 20 years. He found love again and I can go to my grave a happy woman. I feel totally confident in leaving him in your hands." She took another drink. "Have you set a wedding date yet?" Lexie shook her head. She wasn't about to tell her that until 48 hours ago she wasn't sure that there would even be a wedding. "That would be the one thing that I would love to see before I die. I would love to see my son marry the woman of his dreams." Maggie said wistfully.  
  
"What if you could?"  
  
Maggie looked at her and laughed. "I wasn't hinting Lexie. I was just thinking out loud."  
  
Lexie shook her head. "No, I'm serious. I don't want a huge gala affair and if my family has their way that is exactly what will happen. I want to get married surrounded by the people that I love the most in a simple candlelight ceremony."  
  
Maggie grinned at her. "It is possible you know." Lexie grinned back and both women looked up at Robert as he stretched and walked into the kitchen.  
  
"What?" He asked sleepily. Both women laughed, he had no idea what he had just walked into. 


	35. ready set go

"You are insane Lexie." Robert said as he paced back and forth in their room. He had grabbed her and pulled her upstairs as soon as he had heard the idea for the last minute wedding.  
  
"Why am I insane? Robert, you and I have already talked about the fact that neither of us want a huge wedding."  
  
He nodded in agreement. "That is true but Lex, we have some things to work out before we do this. Two days ago we were separated and now you want to run down the isle? That is asinine."  
  
Lexie cocked her head to the side and crossed her arms, which Robert never took as a good sign. "I agree that we have things to work out but do you think that we won't be able to work them out and then you will want to back out of the wedding?"  
  
He walked over and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms. "Never. Not in a million years would I walk away from you again. I just don't want you to do anything that you will regret down the road."  
  
She turned his face to meet hers. "I could never regret marring you. Not for a second. I just feel that if we can give your mother one last joy that we should."  
  
Robert sighed and his lips started to form a grin. "I love you."  
  
She smiled back. "I love you too." They stared at each other for a second and he stood up and sighed dramatically.  
  
"When do you want to do this?"  
  
She grinned at him. "This weekend. Sunday."  
  
He leaned down and kissed her softly, his lips lingering on hers. "Well I guess you have a lot to do then." Lexie squealed and leaped up, throwing her arms around his neck and giving him a dramatic kiss before she ran downstairs to tell Maggie the big news.  
  
The rest of the week was a blur for Robert. The only time he saw Lexie sit still was when she was on the phone. Gamma had not been pleased and had threatened to not come until she realized that Lexie was going to do this with or without her. John had been shocked and confused but he had started to realize that if Romano and his sister were really going to be together than this would probably be a normal state of mind for him. He was genuinely honored that she had asked him to walk her down the isle though so he made his plane reservation and went to Washington along with a few others from Chicago. He and Susan had ended up on the same flight so they chatted for most of the flight until she fell asleep. When they landed Carter got the rental car while Susan went to get the luggage and then they picked up Elizabeth from the connecting terminal. Luka and Abby had tried to come but Kerry had been adamant about it not happening. She didn't want this marriage to happen at all in fact. She knew that it would end up being a human resources nightmare but there wasn't a thing she could do other than be a bitch about it. Gamma flew in that afternoon on the only flight that had a first class seat available and she met up with John in the hotel. Susan and Elizabeth were sharing a room and both were excited to finally have some time to relax. Ella had stayed back in Chicago with her nanny and this was the first time in months that Elizabeth could just do what she wanted.  
  
"Can you believe all of this is happening?" Susan asked as they opened the second bottle of wine in the joined sitting room of their suite.  
  
"I can't believe that Robert found a beautiful, intelligent woman that actually loves him. I swear that man was going to die old and alone and now he has a baby on the way and is about to have a wife."  
  
Susan laughed. "I hate to admit it though, but I am a little jealous."  
  
Elizabeth almost choked on her wine. "Jealous of whom?"  
  
"Of them. They are so obviously in love that it makes me sick." Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "But you know what I am talking about. You had that with Mark."  
  
Elizabeth smiled at the sound of his name. "Yes, I loved Mark very much. But I see something in Lexie and Robert that is no comparison to us. They have this almost storybook kind of love. The kind that most never find."  
  
Both Susan and Elizabeth sighed and took drinks then looked at each other and laughed. They finished off their wine and started getting ready for the wedding.  
  
An hour later they met Carter and Gamma in the lobby. Gamma was already waiting in the limousine and Susan and Elizabeth exchanged a grin as they follow Carter out to meet her. They made small talk on the drive to Robert's mother's house and Susan and sighed as they pulled into the long drive lined with large tress while small white flowers littered the borders. It was a house out of a fairytale and it seemed hard to believe that someone like Romano could have ever come from a place like this. Robert met them on the front porch as the driver helped them all out of the car and stood looking uncomfortable as he greeted them. It almost seemed like an invasion into his personal life to have them here but for Lexie he would do it. Elizabeth and Susan went upstairs to help Lexie finish getting ready while Gamma and Maggie got to know each other. John and Robert sat in an uncomfortable silence and made small talk until the priest arrived and Robert used that as an excuse to leave and John used it as an excuse to find Lexie. He knocked quietly on the door and waited until Susan opened the door.  
  
"Hey, can I come in?" He asked sheepishly and Susan smiled. Carter was still so adorable.  
  
"Of course you can." He heard Lexie say from inside. Susan opened the door further and John couldn't help but smile. Lexie stood fastening her earring in front of the full length mirror and he had never seen her look more beautiful. She had chosen a simple cream colored dress that was tightly fit on top but then cascaded out in an A line design. The small straps looked barley visible next to her lightly colored skin and her long curls were loosely pulled up in a simple ponytail. She had chosen small white flowers instead of a veil and they brought out the richness of her deep brown hair.  
  
"We will leave you two alone." Elizabeth said quietly and pulled Susan out of the room.  
  
"Barbi, you look." He stammered and she smiled  
  
"Thank you Johnny." She said breathlessly. She couldn't tell if the butterflies in her stomach were nerves or the baby kicking. A slight knock at the door interrupted them and John peeked out the door and let his grandmother in. She clasped her hands together over her mouth and sighed.  
  
"Oh Barbara, you look spectacular." Lexie walked over and wrapped her arms around her grandmother.  
  
"Thank you Gamma. But don't cry." The women smiled at each other.  
  
"It's time my dear." Lexie nodded. "And you are sure that this is what you want?" Lexie nodded. "Than I wish you all of the love and happiness in the world." The women embraced again and John cleared his throat.  
  
"Well let's go make an honest woman out of you." Gamma turned and smacked his arm and walked out of the room. John put out his arm for her and she took it, grabbing her bouquet as they walked out of the room. 


	36. From this moment

Robert struggled with his tie. He had worn ties everyday for the last million years and couldn't figure out why he was having trouble with it now. "Can I help you with that?" Maggie asked quietly from the door.  
  
Robert looked at her and nodded. She walked over and smiled at him as she adjusted it. "I know that you and I have not been very close in the last few years Robert, but I want you to know that I love you so very much and could not be more proud of you."  
  
Robert smiled at his mother and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you too mom." He said quietly. "And there is something that you need to know."  
  
"What Robert?"  
  
"I know."  
  
"You know what?"  
  
"I know that it wasn't your fault. I know that you did what was best for me. I really don't want to explain it all but I know that when you left dad it was because you thought it was the best thing for me. And to be totally honest, it was."  
  
Maggie smiled at him. She sensed that he was speaking from experience but decided to leave it alone. "You don't know how badly I needed to hear that." She kissed him again. "You are going to have a wonderful life with Lexie and your children."  
  
He smiled at her and took a deep breath. "Well lets get going then." He put his arm out for her to take and she did. They walked out to the back porch and studied the garden. It was in full bloom and the hundreds of candles and white twinkle lights only made it all seem like something out of a dream.  
  
"She did a beautiful job." Maggie whispered and Robert beamed.  
  
"Yes she did."  
  
They walked out and greeted the 40 or so guests that were there. Jason sat with his new girlfriends feeling uncomfortable. He wished it were he up there but he knew that it would never be. Robert greeted him and Ed Chapman, Donald and the rest and then took his place under the arbor that was dripping with roses and ivy. The soft music from the string quartet drifted through the air and Robert's breath caught in his throat. Lexie stood with Carter in the open French doors that lead from the house to the garden. No one had seen her yet and Robert made the moment his. He would never forget how she radiated as she and Carter shared a last minute conversation as the wedding planner fluffed her dress behind her. Carter said something and kissed her cheek as she smiled at him. The photographer caught the moment on film and Robert thought to himself that it would make a beautiful picture. She looked up and pointed to something in the garden and her eyes met Roberts. They stared at each other, drinking in their future, neither able to breath at the weight of the emotion. The music flared up and everyone stood as Lexie and John made their way slowly down the isle. Susan and Elizabeth wiped tears away as John took her hand and kissed it softly and placed it in Robert's. Lexie and John smiled at each other and she pulled him into her arms for one last hug.  
  
Carter then looked at Romano. "Remember what I said." He warned quietly and Robert nodded.  
  
"I love her." He replied and Carter shook his hand. John stepped back and stood in the front row with his grandmother.  
  
Lexie and Robert faced each other, their eyes locked and at that moment every shred of doubt and non-believing left every person in attendance. The love between them glowed. "You are exquisite." Robert whispered, emotion filling his voice. A tear trickled down Lexie's cheek and Robert reached up and wiped it away with his thumb.  
  
"I love you." She said, her voice barley audible but he heard it.  
  
"Friends, we are gathered here for a joining of souls. Barbara and Robert, have you come here, with the people closest to your hearts as witnesses, in full understanding of the sanctity of marriage?" The minister asked and Lexie and Robert smiled at each other and faced him.  
  
"We have." They both said quietly.  
  
"Robert, you have written your own vows for Barbara, please speak them now."  
  
Robert cleared his throat as Lexie handed her bouquet to Max, both meeting each other's gaze again. "Lex, I tried to think of the words to best describe how much I love you but every one seemed to underestimate how I really feel. You saved me, not just from being alone but from never knowing what real love was. From never getting to experience that I could be a better man. You are a rare find Barbara Carter, and the sheer fact that you allowed me the honor of spending my life with you is something that I will be forever grateful for. And I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to thank you for that honor by loving you more than any man has loved a women before although I know that it will never be as much as you deserve because you truly are poetry."  
  
Lexie didn't bother to wipe away the tears that flowed down her cheeks as she listened to him speak. Elizabeth and Susan sat with their mouths open in stunned shock. Everyone had been blown away by his admission but as two of Lexie's best friends they were in deeper shock and pea green with envy.  
  
"Barbara, will you take Robert to be your husband, to love honor and cherish him all the days of your life?" The minister asked.  
  
"I will." She whispered. Robert slipped the wedding band on her finger and they smiled at each other.  
  
"Now Barbara, your vows."  
  
She nodded at the older man and looked back at Robert. "Robert, you showed me that there are still men who can love without hurting and for that I am forever grateful. Our lives have been intertwined for as long as I can remember and I know that I am blessed because what we have doesn't happen everyday. If given the chance I would gladly take every painful memory and do it again because they led me to you and that makes everything worth it. There are a million things that I want in this world but you are the only thing that I truly need and I am in totally awe of your heart and your courage to wake up everyday and face the ugliness and hate and still show so much compassion for those that you hold dear. You are not only my love, but my best friend, my rock, my conscience, my family and my soul mate and I will love and cherish you for always." Her voice was no louder than a whisper, breaking with emotion.  
  
"Robert, will you take Barbara to be your wife, to love honor and cherish her all the days of your life?"  
  
"I will." He said proudly. Lexie slipped his ring on his finger.  
  
"By the power vested in me, by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Robert, make it official and kiss your bride." Robert 's hands went to her face and softly pulled her lips to his as she closed her eyes, her hands resting on his hips as they sealed their fate. 


	37. the one I can't resist

I am sitting on the porch swing that I used to spend hours on as a kid. I am slowly rocking back and forth in an almost hypnotic motion as I watch my new wife, sitting, deep in conversation with a childhood friend whom I was close with years ago but now can't recall why. My wife is beautiful as she laughs at something he said and looks up to smile at me from the distance that we are apart. It is a shy smile, one that is almost playful and as she looks back at my friend again she takes another quick glance my way. I look at the scene before me as I slowly sip my drink. My worlds have suddenly collided in an effort to make the two women that matter to me happy. I won't lie for a second and say that I am totally ok with it but for them I will gladly shut my mouth and take it. I see Donald talking to Ed Chapman, that some how seems wrong to me, like the ex wife and the new one comparing notes. Both men have played very large parts in my medical life, both different but large nonetheless. I see Susan and Lizzie whispering about something and my new brother in law standing uncomfortably off to the side. I wonder what he thinks about all of this. Not that it would really make any difference to me but I wonder anyway. I see Max, one of the few people that have ever shocked me, playing happily with the tall man that has become my mother's caregiver. Max seems oblivious to the fact that he is playing with a man that is straight out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie; all he knows is that he is fun. I am slightly jealous of his naivety; to him the world holds no evil, no pain. He has seen the devil himself but has never hesitated to trust with him whole self. I have always considered myself pretty resilient to shock but Max came along and blew me away. I never liked kids and in turn they never cared for me much but Max changed all of that. Made me realize that this small person could become my world. This person that had nothing to give but himself wanted nothing at all from me but me. I finish my drink and stand, taking one last look at the scene before me and walk down the steps towards the person that I cannot resist.  
  
"Mrs. Romano?" I whisper in her ear and she smiles even though I can't see it I know it is there.  
  
"That is Dr. Carter-Romano to you sir." She says and laughs softly.  
  
"Ok then Dr. Carter-Romano, may I have this dance?" I whisper back and she finally turns to face me.  
  
"Always."  
  
I lean in and kiss her lips ever so slightly and lead her to the dance floor. For her I will just shut up and take it. 


	38. Welcome to the world

Max had run into the study and tugged on Robert's shirt. "Daddy, can we get Mommy some new water?"

Robert, who had been reviewing the latest reports on the hospital budget, had only partly heard him. "Huh?" He asked not looking away from his files.

"Mommy needs new water." Robert looked at him in total confusion.

"Why in the world would you say that?"

Max sighed. "Cuz Mommy broke hers."

It took a second but then it all clicked for Robert. "Did Mommy say that her water broke?" Max nodded and Robert flew up the stairs with an excited Max following.

Lexie was smiling as Robert ran through the door to their room. "Lex?" He asked breathlessly.

She giggled. "Honey, I think it is time." He tried to catch his breath as she giggled again. "Robert, I need you to breath."

They rushed to the hospital. Robert had tried to get Max into daycare but they were full and no amount of yelling from him would change that fact. In the end he pulled Carter off out of the ER to watch him. Carter had not been happy about it but he would end up getting paid for it and he could go home so he went along with it for Lexie's sake.

"You call this sterile? I could go down to the trash dumpster downstairs and pull out rusty equipment that was thrown away a year ago and they would be cleaner than these." He threw the equipment back on the tray and glared at the scrub tech. "I want them clean, do you hear me clean." Lexie was trying not to laugh. The contractions were not very bad at this point so she had not lost her sense of humor. He was driving everyone nuts and she thought it was cute. That changed a few hours later. "Ok, correct me if I am wrong but we have ice machines in the hospital right? I thought I passed one as I walked in but I could be wrong. Am I?" The nurse shook her head. He had done nothing but bitch since they had walked in there. Lexie's contractions were getting stronger and more intense and the sound of Robert's voice was only pissing her off.  
"So lets review now. You have an ice machine at the nurse's station but she had no ice? What is wrong with this picture?"

"Robert." Lexie mumbled between one contraction and the next.

"And you, don't think you can hide back there. Do you know who I am? I am the man that signs your paychecks. Yeah, that's me. And so do you know what that means? I own you. So if you want to keep your job I would suggest that you go get her some clean linen and keep the cool cloths coming too. My wife will have only the best. Do you hear me?"

"Robert."

"Just a second honey. And where in the hell is the doctor? Do I have to do everything around here? Do I have to deliver my own child? I mean come on, why am I paying you people?"

"**_ROBERT_**!" Lexie yelled and Robert turned around and looked at her with wide eyes. "Shut Up!" She hissed through gritted teeth.

"But Lex…" He walked over to her.

"No, don't talk. Don't say another word or so help me God I am going to hit you. And I don't mean a tap on the shoulder I mean hit, hit you like you have never been hit before. Are we clear?" He nodded. "Good. Now please go down to the nurses station and get me some ice and it wouldn't kill you to say thank you to all of the people that have not killed you today either." He just stared at her. He had never seen her like this and he had to admit that he was slightly scared of her at that moment. He just stood there and stared at her. "GO!" She yelled. He turned and walked out of the room. The two nurses that were there came over and hugged her.

An hour later the doctor had come in to check her.

"I have to be at ten, I just know it." Lexie hoped out loud.

He looked at her and smiled. "Five."

She shook her head. "No, check it again."

He grinned bigger. "Lexie.."

She closed her eyes. "Just check me again!"

He did as she asked and shook his head. "Still five."

She sighed. "I hate you." He laughed. "Do you want an epidural?" She nodded as the contraction hit her again.

"But Lex, I thought you wanted to do it naturally."

Lexie raised her eyebrows at Robert. "I don't remember telling you that you can talk yet." He closed his mouth again.

Five hours later she was at eight and Robert needed a break. Lexie had relaxed after the epidural but she still glared at him every time he opened his mouth. He sat down in the chair in the hall and rested his head in his hands.

"Don't worry, you are not the first husband to not be aloud to talk during the labor." Robert looked up and smiled at the doctor.

"I feel like a jackass. I am a trained surgeon and the chief of staff and I am shaking like a leaf. I can operate for 12 hours straight and I don't even dare touch my wife in fear that I will hurt her."

Dr. Jenson laughed. "Robert, I do this a million times a year and I forgot how to cut the cord when my son was born. It is natural." Robert nodded. "Lets go in and see where we are at." Robert and Dr. Jenson walked back in. Lexie was with the OB nurse and she was pushing.

"Dr. Jenson I was just about to page you. She is at 10 and 100 percent effaced." The men exchanged a look and Lexie put her hand out for Robert to hold.

"I am so sorry Robert. I really am." He smiled at her and kissed her hand.

"No worries love. I am right here."

"I am scared Robert."

"There is no need to be. Everything is going to be fine."

"Ok Lexie, lets push." The doctor said and Lexie started her marathon pushing. An hour later she was nowhere near done.

"I can't do it anymore Robert."

"Yes you can."

"No really, I changed my mind. I don't want to do it."

Robert laughed. "Sorry love, you have no choice."

Lexie started to cry as she pushed with everything she had. She was experiencing every feeling and emotion that was possible and so was he. She let out one last scream and everything seemed to stop. The pain, the fear everything that she was feeling stopped and the small purple creature was laid on her chest. She wrapped her arms around him as best she could and she and Robert just stared at him. He was perfect. Everyone was in awe of the moment and didn't bother to comment when Robert's expert hands shook as he cut the cord.


	39. Every parents nightmare

"Nooooooo," Lexie moaned as she heard the baby cry again for the millionth time that night.

"You want me to get up this time?" Robert mumbled.

Lexie pondered it and then threw the covers back. "No, I forgot to pump any bottles before bedtime so unless you are lactating then it is all me tonight." She got up and kissed his forehead. "Thanks for the offer." She walked over to William's bassinette and picked him up. "You, young man, are trying to drive your mother crazy aren't you?" He just gurgled and she took that as a yes. She nodded off a few times while feeding him and then rocked him to sleep and lay him back in the bassinette and crawled back into bed.

She fell asleep immediately and what seemed like seconds later he was at it again. Lexie started to cry from sleep depravation.

"Formula won't kill him." Robert said and got out of bed and went to get the baby.

"Are you sure?" Lexie mumbled as she was already falling asleep.

"I don't know, I wish I knew a doctor to ask." Robert said and Lexie opened her eyes just long enough to glare at him. Robert smiled and took the baby down to the kitchen and made him a bottle and sat admiring his son as he fed him. This was so far from where he had seen his life but now he couldn't imagine it any other way. His small son suckled the bottle softly and Robert just smiled. The baby fell asleep and Robert took him back to bed with a second bottle ready for the next time. He lay looking at Lexie and felt a contentment that he never knew he could feel. She had made him into a man, he had been one before of course but now his lonely, cold life seemed like a bad dream he had dreamt a million years ago. He kissed her softly and fell asleep.

William Robert Jonathan Romano was baptized in a simple ceremony and John looked like he was going to pass out as he went through the motions of becoming a Godfather. Lexie wanted to laugh at the men in her life. They could face any emergency in the world but when it came to personal events they were like children. As the priest poured the holy water over the baby both Robert and John were ready to do CPR just in case and Lexie just shook her head. After the ceremony everyone came back to Robert and Lexie's house for food and drink and everyone had to hold the baby, an action that Robert despised because "Who knows what germs those dirty bastards had on them". Lexie just smiled.

"Robert, he is fine." She whispered to him and he shook his head.

"Ok Lex, but when our son comes down with small pox or malaria I am blaming you." He walked over to take the baby from Kerry.

He walked back over to Lexie and stood rocking him back and fourth.

"What was that about?" Lexie whispered.

"God only knows where she has been." He hissed

"Oh yeah and that gay germ too Robert, wouldn't want him to catch that." Lexie said full of sarcasm and walked over to talk to her guests.

The day had been a success with the exception of Robert's paranoia. He had been unsure of anyone from the hospital holding him cuz they could have brought some germs with them and Lexie just took her son and passed him to Abby and walked away.

"So when are you coming back to work?" Susan asked as she sipped her third glass of wine.

"Not for a while. I think I need a break. Kerry isn't happy about it but Robert has me on medical leave so I can take a few months off. I just can't imagine going through what I am going through each night and then dealing with patience."

"Oh I totally understand that one." Elizabeth piped in. "My first few weeks back were unbearable. Take advantage of it as long as you can."

"Shit, why not just stay home all together?" Abby said and the other two women nodded.

"Who knows. We will see." Lexie said casually but it had been on her mind though.

The last person left around nine o'clock and Lexie was beat. The baby was asleep and Max had fallen asleep on the floor in the den. Robert put them both to bed and then helped an almost comatose Lexie up to bed. "Thank you." She mumbled as he tucked her in. He went down to his study to work on a few reports he had been putting off. The baby slept through most of the night and Lexie woke up around 3am feeling way too rested and went to check on the baby. He was asleep but he didn't look right. Lexie turned on the over head light and shook Will who didn't move. He was burning up but he was breathing. Lexie picked him up and ran to the bathroom for the thermometer and took his temperature. The ear thermometer beeped and she almost dropped it when it read 102.3.

"ROBERT!" She screamed and he leaped up and ran into the bathroom. She handed him the thermometer. Robert went to wake up Anna as Lexie put Will in the sink with cold water running over him. Robert came back and Lexie had a cool cloth on his forehead. Robert was getting dressed and came in to take over so Lexie could. They rushed him wrapped in a wet towel down the stairs and into the car. Lexie put him the car seat and sat in the back with him. Robert broke ever driving law there was and got to County in record time. They ran in and ran right past the admit desk and found the first empty exam room. John and Abby had seen them run in and ran to find them.

"Ok Lex where is he now?" Robert asked as he inserted an IV into his little arm. His hands were shaking and he couldn't find the vein so Abby grabbed it and got it right away. The thermometer beeped

"Still 101.5." She yelled. "Ok um, oh God what do you do for a fever?" She yelled? John pushed her aside and took over as Susan and Luka came in. "Why won't he wake up?" Lexie yelled to no one.

"Ok Lex, just calm down, we will find out." Luka said as he pulled her to the side.

"He was just sleeping too long. If I had gotten up sooner maybe…" She started to cry and he took her by the shoulders.

"Lexie! Look at me. You know there is nothing you could have done." Her eyes were wide as she stared at him. "He is probably in shock and probably has an infection."

The amount of adrenalin in the room was over powering as they were doing everything they could but Will was deteriorating before their eyes. John decided to help Will breathe by putting in a breathing tube. It appeared to everyone that he had a life threatening infection; Abby was a step ahead as antibiotics were started.

John walked over to Lexie. "Barbie, I need you and Robert to step out."

"Why, what is going on?" She was loosing it.

"We have to do a lumbar puncture and you don't want to be here for it." Robert took Lexie's shoulders and pulled her out of the room. William barley flinched as they inserted the needle into his back and Lexie couldn't watch and put her head into Robert's shoulder. She looked up as the spinal fluid was collected in test tubes. It looks cloudy and slightly yellow and Lexie almost passed out.

They watched Abby call someone on the phone, the PICU no doubt. Then they wheeled William out of the room quickly and John stopped so Lexie and Robert could give him a kiss and then the team and the stretcher disappeared. Susan and Luka stepped out of the room and led them over to chairs. "We think it could be meningitis or a million other things. We sent everything up to the lab with a rush order on it. I wish there was more I could tell you more but you guys know the drill. We will let you know as soon as he is set up in the PICU and you can go up with him." Susan sounded so calm. Lexie could just nod. A trauma came in and Luka and Susan had to go so Robert and Lexie just sat there staring out into space not saying a word.


	40. recovery

Lexie sat on one side of the small crib in the PICU and Robert stood on the other, Lexie softly rubbing Will's tummy as Robert held his little hand. **Viral meningitis, that is what the tests showed and both Lexie and Robert thanked God that it was viral and not Bacterial. This could be easily treated with **Pain meds to keep him comfortable and an anti-inflammatory medication. The only risk was the possibility of brain damage but there was no way to tell if that had occurred for sometime. All they could do was wait, but he was going to live and at that point that was all that mattered to either of them. William would spend the next two weeks in the PICU. Lexie felt guilty because Robert's words kept echoing in her ears "Ok Lex, but when our son comes down with small pox or malaria I am blaming you.". She shouldn't have let anyone come close to her baby. She was supposed to protect him and not let anything happen to him and she had basically given him a life threatening disease.

"Lex," Robert whispered and she looked up at him. "Come on, lets go get a cup of coffee. He is going to be asleep for a while." Lexie debated if she should leave him, what if he woke up or what if, God forbid, something went wrong? Robert could read her hesitation. "It is just down to the cafeteria; we both have our pagers and can be back up her in under a minute if we need to be. Come on, we need a break." She nodded and leaned down and kissed William on the forehead and Robert did the same and they walked out of the room and down the hall to the elevators.

They got their coffee and sat out on the back patio so Lexie could smoke and hopefully they could have some privacy. "I am so sorry Robert." Lexie choked out.

"For what baby?" He asked with concern.

"You were right about letting people hold him. We should have made them all stay away."

Robert remembered his comments and closed his eyes, feeling like a horrible person. "Lex, I'm the one who is sorry, I shouldn't have been such a jerk."

"But you are so good at it honey." Lexie said with a slight grin.

He pulled her onto his lap. "Neither of us could have known this would happen and as a doctor you know that there is very little you can do to prevent it. He is going to be just fine. Believe me?" She nodded and laid her head on his shoulder.

John and Luka came over and sat down uninvited. "Hey," John said quietly and Robert nodded and Lexie smiled at both of them.

"So it looks like he is going to be just fine." Luka said with as much cheerfulness as he could muster.

"Yeah, as long as there isn't any brain damage that is." Lexie said quietly.

"Hey," John said and took Lexie's hands and pulled her into his embrace. "He is going to be fine. Between the Carter blood and Romano blood in that kid he is a fighter like no one has ever seen. I bet he ends up graduating top of his class from med school." John kissed the top of her head and Lexie laughed into his chest.

"Great, that is all we need around here, a mix of the two of you running the place." Luka joked and everyone laughed.

"I want to go back up now." Lexie said and leaned down and kissed Robert, kissed John on the cheek and smiled at Luka, "Oh I wouldn't forget you." She joked and kissed his cheek and then walked back inside.

"How is she?" John asked Robert.

He shook his head. "Not good, she blames herself, that and the postpartum she is experiencing, I will be honest with you, I am worried about her." He hated reveling so much of their personal life to them but he was feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

"Listen, why don't you take her home and I will go sit with the baby." John offered.

"She won't go. This is the first time she has left his side since we brought him in." Robert was exhausted and really needed sleep but his need to support his wife was stronger. He knew William was going to be fine so his concentration was on Lexie right now.

"Why don't we have her shrink stop by? Maybe she will talk to him." All three men were equally as worried about her.

Robert nodded. "I will give him a call."

Lexie sat next to Will's crib singing softly to him and Dr. Fitz walk in and stood looking at the baby.

"He is beautiful Lexie." He said quietly and Lexie smiled without looking up.

"Yes, he is. Thank you."

"Lex, can we go somewhere for a few minutes and chat? Just right into the parent's room over there, you will be able to see him the whole time.

Lexie thought about it and nodded.

Robert and John sat next to the crib, glancing over at the window to the room Lexie and Dr. Fitz had been sitting in for over an hour.

"How do you think it is going?" John whispered and Robert shrugged.

"I have no clue." He said looking back at his wife.

They finally came out of the room and John and Robert made an excuse of getting something for them all to drink so they could get a report on her condition. Lexie was too out of it to suspect anything and sat next to William again.

"So?" Robert asked.

"Well you both know that I can't really tell you much but I am concerned. She is suffering from postpartum mania, a condition that is a step above regular postpartum depression. I will be frank with you both; I am going to recommend that she be admitted for observation." John and Robert looked each other then back at the doctor.

"You think it is that bad?"

"Yes, I do, I am afraid that she is a danger to herself. She blames herself for this and has said that she doesn't deserve to be a mother."

Robert shook his head. "She will never agree to it."

Dr. Fitz held up a consent form. "She already has. She is going in on her own tonight. It will just be for 72 hours and then we will go from there."

Robert and John were shocked. "I had no idea it was this bad."

"Don't worry about it Robert, the fact that she agreed to it says a lot. She wants to get better. I am going to go start the paperwork and I will need her up in psych in about an hour." He smiled at both of them. "She is going to be fine."

Both men nodded and looked at Lexie through the window to the PICU. "I hope so." Robert muttered.


	41. Group

Lexie sat in the hard plastic chair and stared at all of the faces that surrounded her. Group, that was what it was called but to her it seemed a nicely phrased name for a crowd of nutcases. Crazy, she was crazy and even though her husband and her doctor and everyone else around her told her that she wasn't the mere fact that she now had a label made her feel like one of the bottom feeders of the world. She had looked at her chart, an action completely forbidden by the keepers of her freedom, but as a doctor she was curious as to what they were writing about her. Borderline Personality Disorder was the official term they had used, but Lexie knew what it meant, crazy. "You will get better." "They can help you" "The first step is accepting help" What the fuck ever she thought to herself each time one of these assurances were expressed by people without a disorder, people who could walk out of the psycho ward and go on with their normal lives. William had gotten better and was about to be released from the hospital and he would go home without his mother. They wanted to keep her there for a month, to get her on a meds regimen and watch her progress. How in the hell was she supposed to face them all again? Everyone in the hospital knew and she was expected to go back and work as if nothing had happened. Yeah right. She would forever be labeled "crazy".

"Lexie, do you want to share?" the shrink asked and she just stared at him.

"Not really." She responded with a monotone to her voice.

"Why don't you start by telling us why you are here?" He said and sat back with a smile.

"Ok, I am here because I was falling apart." She crossed her arms and stared at him.

"Why do you think that happened?" He pushed

She shrugged. "My newborn was sick and it all seemed to envelope me. I couldn't stand the thought of him dying."

"That is understandable. Were you having problems coping before?"

She looked at him suspiciously. "I guess so."

He nodded. "Care to elaborate on that?"

She was silent for a second. "I haven't always had the easiest life. Growing up with money, people always just assume that you have no problems, no worries, but I grew up alone and left to care for my younger brother. Our parents shut down when my older brother died and so it was just John and I."

He nodded. "Go on."

She took a deep breath. "I think that we go through life with a dream of how our perfect life would be. We are sure that all of our problems will just go away when and if we get everything we have ever dreamed of but then in the off chance that we do get it, we feel lost. Like it isn't aloud to happen that way. We aren't aloud to feel genuine happiness without a price. So we sabotage it, we do things that we know subconsciously will ruin everything we have fought for so that we are in control. We can control when we get hurt. We can be prepared for it and it won't hurt as much."

"Is that what you were doing?"

"Maybe, but it wouldn't work. He was too strong and loved me too much to let me go."

"So do you think that it is possible that maybe you are aloud to be happy this once?"

She laughed. "I don't know. I would like to think so, I really would. He is my whole world and the thought of losing him scares me to the very core. He is the one thing, the one person that I couldn't get over."

The doctor smiled. "Lexie, it sounds to me like you may not ever have to."

"Doc, when you have been kicked in the heart over and over it is hard to believe that you are aloud to be loved. You can hear a million compliments but the one negative criticism is always easier to believe." She gave a small smile.

"But he hasn't left, you have tested him over and over and he hasn't left?"

Lexie shook her head. "Nope, he hasn't left." She smiled to herself.

"I think that is good for today. Lexie you did great." He smiled at her and she nodded.


	42. Session One

"Ok Lexie, I want you to tell me the first painful childhood memory that you have." The shrink requested from his comfortable chair that faced the sofa she sat on.

She looked down at the floor and searched her memory bank. "I guess it would have been a car accident that we were in when I was around 9." The doctor nodded. "It was one of the rare occasions when my parents were actually at home and we were going on an actual family vacation, not flying to some resort where a nanny would watch us, we were going to a cabin up in the mountains and I remember feeling frightened even before we left and I didn't know why. So anyway, my brothers and I were in the back of the car and I was sleepy so I was sitting sideways with my head pressed against the window and I didn't have my seatbelt on and just as I drifted off a terrible noise came from somewhere, a skidding and then the next thing I know I am laying on the roof of the car and we are upside down in a ditch. I mean keep in mind this was long before we knew that you should move someone if they had an injury so my father got us out of the car and our mother had blood dripping down her face and they took me to the side of the road and laid me down because I was crying and complaining that my back hurt. It had turned out that the state maintenance crews had just laid down fresh oil and had not put the sand down yet and several other cars had skidded off of the road too but we were the only ones who flipped over. I remember lying on the ground with my head between my mother's knees and the people from the other cars running over. One was a doctor and made me lay still and I was so scared. The ambulance even skidded when it came." She smiled slightly at that. "I ended up having a fractured my sternum and it would heal itself over time. My father sprained his back, my mother had 18 stitches in her head and both of my brothers escaped with minor bumps and bruises. I wouldn't say that it was a painful memory and I don't really know why I mentioned that." She looked at him questioningly.

"Is it the first time that you were truly scared?" He asked

She shrugged. "I don't know. It is very possible that it was. Maybe it was the first time that I saw my parents as real people and not these superheroes that couldn't fix everything; almost like they let me down." She looked up at him. "But that would be ridiculous right? To blame them for something that they had no control over?"

"Lexie, our mind isn't always logical. We have a tendency to think with our emotions when we are faced with a traumatic incident. Tell me another memory where you felt let down by them."

She sighed. "There were hundreds of times."

He shook his head. "One has to stand out."

She thought again and then nodded. "Yes," She looked at him and he could see that she was struggling.

"Take your time." She reassured her.

"This is something that I don't even think my husband knows about. When I was 13 I was sexually assaulted. We were up at our summer home in the Hamptons and I had a friend that lived down the street over. She and I were the best of friends and we would hang out all day long each summer. There was a rec center at the country club that our parents belonged to and they would do different things for the kids and one night they had a sock hop. We went all out with the poodle skirts and saddle shoes and we had so much fun. When we got home from the dance we hung out in the tree house and giggled about the boys we had talked to or ignored, you know, normal girl stuff. Well our curfews were coming and I begged my mother to let me walk her home cuz a boy I liked lived on the way and I hoped to catch a glimpse of him or have him get a glimpse of me rather. My mother told me that I could walk her half way and that was it but Mike lived further down so I decided to just walk her all the way home. We got to Mike's house and I saw that no one was home so I decided to go home so Vanessa and I said good bye and I started back. Well while we had been walking a man on a bike rode by but we thought nothing of it because it was somewhat common but as I started back he turned around and came back and rode the bike up against me, pinning me up against a wall. I was so scared. He was young, maybe 20 or so but he was still bigger than me and he had me pinned. He started to grope me over my clothes. I was terrified. I was 13 and up until that point I had lived in a very sheltered world and fully believed that bad things happened to other people, never to me. I still have no idea where the courage came from but as he started to pull up my skirt I yelled to Vanessa who hadn't made it home yet and she called back and he jumped on his bike and fled. I ran to Vanessa as fast as I could possibly go and then went to her house and we tried to call my parents but the line was busy. So her parents kept me there until the doorbell rang and it was my older brother Bobby. Mom had sent him down to get me and he was pissed until he saw me and then he freaked and took me home. The police came and took statements from Vanessa and I and then left. The story ended up in the paper, my name was left out but the rumors had already spread so everyone knew. When I finally went back to the rec center Mike had a copy of the article and had passed it around to everyone and they all knew. I got mad at him and I will never forget this, he yell that I had enjoyed it. I never went back to the rec center again. My father who has never been father of the year actually told my mother that I had been dressed to provocatively." Lexie laughed a sad laugh. "I was wearing a poodle skirt." She covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head and looked up at the doctor.

"Do you think you blame yourself? Because you walked her farther than you should have?" He had the cap of his pen resting on his mouth.

"I don't know if it so much that as wondering how my father could not have been livid. I can't imagine anything even close to that happening and Robert not loosing his mind and finding the man and killing him. I guess it is just another example of the love that I lacked from him. He was never on my side, always against me. I guess I just feel cheated. He is off living his life and here I am fighting the demons and he has never had to pay a penance for any of the hurt he caused me."

"Have you thought of confronting him?"

Lexie laughed and shook her head. "It wouldn't do any good. He is too wrapped up in himself to see any blame other than the blame he places on everyone else. He is the perpetual victim in every scenario. Nothing is ever caused by him but done to him. And he doesn't want to hear anyone else's problems, he always finds a way to bring it back to some injustice he is facing."

"It sounds like you have a lot of resentment towards him." She nodded. "Ok Lexie, you did great. I want to pick this up some more next time."

She let out a deep breath.


End file.
